School Cancer Family Friends FallWinter Holidays
by SoulfullyInclined
Summary: A rewrite of 'Ballet Reunion Cancer Family Addictions' but without all the extra stuff - i.e., the flashbacks, the addictions, the ballet classes. Leaves a lot out. That one was getting too long and veering off track. Halloween, Thanksgiving. Let me know if you like this one better. Better summary inside. I don't own anyone. *Please Review*. *Thank you for reading/reviewing*
1. Mon Sept 8th: Ashley: Meeting Serena

**This is told mainly from the POV of Karen's oldest adoptive daughter Ashley. She joins the glee club. Her younger sisters Kate and Anna have cancer. Karen, her family and the glee club all now live in Denver, CO. Maya from PLL makes an appearance and Bella from Twilight's mentioned but doesn't appear. Some names have been changed. I don't own anyone. **

***Please review. Please leave more than a 2 word review.* Thank you for reading/reviewing.* **

* * *

**Characters: OC**

Lucy: roses friend

Pam: karens girlfriend

Tom: alexas boyfriend

Rebecca: evans girlfriend

Brian: mandys boyffriend

Serena: ashleys girlfriend

Keesha: maries dead girlfriend

Ashley, Hannah, Lily, Rose, kate, anna, Alexa, Evan, Mandy, Louisa, Marie: karen and jesses kids. Mandy and Louisa are twins. They all have their own addictions other than evan. Kate and anna have cancer.

* * *

**Monday, Sept. 8th**

**Ashley**

During lunch that school day I was sitting on the green grass in the big green park across from the big, tall, red brick high school. The day was warm, bright and sunny. The wind blew through the trees. The smell of pine was in the air.

"Hey," a female voice said.

I looked up and saw Serena, a girl id seen around the school, standing by me. She was wearing a cute, 50's, black-and-white polka dotted full skirt, black tights, black flats and a white camisole.

"Hey," I said.

"Ok if I sit?" she asked.

I shrugged which she took to mean 'yes'.

"Cute skirt," I told her as she sat by me.

She smelled pretty like roses.

"Thanks. Where ya from?" she asked.

"New York."

"Really?"

"Uh huh."

"Which part?"

"Brooklyn but I was born in Georgia. You?"

"New York as well, Manhattan."

"Oh."

During the entirety of this conversation neither of us looked at the other.

"Hey, listen Ashley," she said, leaning forward and locking her arms around her knees.

She turned and looked at me.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"I'm sorry about what the cheerleaders said at lunch the other day. They're not the most understanding group of women."

"Yeah, I noticed."

I wasn't great at accepting apologies. You wouldn't be either if your dad hadn't given you any.

Earlier that morning I'd overheard the cheerleaders bitching about their problems. Which bothered me because some of us, such as myself, had real problems such as one of my sisters having cancer. Evidently Serena had picked up on this - she'd been in the hallway when I'd been and had also overheard the conversation - and had felt bad. And had come to find me. I didn't know her but so far I had nothing against her. She seemed nice.

"Anyway, what are you doing after school?" she asked.

"Um, well, cheerleading and then ballet from ?"

"I was wondering if you'd like to come over. I could pick you up after ballet."

"Ok."

"What's your cell?"

We exchanged cell numbers.

* * *

It was hours later, 7:40 that night. Serena had just pulled her white car into the driveway of her large white house, me in the passenger seat.

"And here we are," she said, putting her key in the ignition and turning the car off.

She opened the door and got out, waiting for me to. I leaned down and picked up the large purple duffel bag I brought with me to ballet each time I went, opened the door and got out of the car, closing the door behind me. Serena pushed a button on her car keys and the locks in the car clicked closed.

The night was dark and cold. The porch light was on. I followed Serena unlocked and opened the door of her large white house. We went inside where she closed and locked the tall white front door behind us. And turned off the outside light.

"mom wants it on untill she gets back from work but I don't like that. I don't want people to be able to find us," she explained.

"no I get it," I said.

I was still afraid of my dad finding me. And afraid of him in general.

"I'll be right back," she told me; "you want anything to eat?"

"Um."

"There might be some pasta in the fridge, I'll check. Make yourself comfortable."

"Ok."

She wandered off.

In front of us and to the left, where the stairs were in our house, was the fireplace room. There was a big fireplace built into the wall. In front of it, a few feet was a low rectangular coffee table and behind the coffee table was a white sofa and some white chairs. Opposite the room from the fireplace was a wall with a large aquarium built into it. On the other side of that wall was what I presumed to be the kitchen, with a door in between the aquarium wall and another wall. There was also a large wall near the end of the large room, with a sliding white wood door in the middle of it, split in 2. The house was warm and very quiet.

Above the fireplace on the mantle were several items, 4 of which were glass. One was a butterfly and one was a rose. 2 were lilies, one a calla.

In between cheerleading and ballet I'd stopped at the coffee shop and had gotten something to eat but hadn't eaten since, so I was pretty hungry.

I set my duffel bag, school bag and purse on the wooden floor of the foyer, which was similar to ours.

The house smelled like new carpet.

I wondered where Serena had gone.

It was weird, being in a house this quiet. Usually my house was filled with people, my adoptive parents and siblings. The only time it was relatively quiet was at night. But at any given moment we knew either Kate or Amanda/Mandy, my other sister, might have to go to the hospital.

"Hey," Serena said from somewhere behind me.

I jumped a bit: "Oh."

"Sorry, didn't mean to startle you," she sat down right on the white carpet; "you're welcome to sit down."

I sat down on the carpet beside her. It smelled like new carpet.

"It smells like new carpet," I told her.

"Yeah well, we just had new carpet put in," she replied.

"Oh. Wow it's so...strangely...quiet."

She leaned forward and looked at me: "your place isn't?"

"No. The only time it's quiet is at night."

"Oh."

I glanced at the glass objects on the mantle: "I like the art."

"Thanks. My sister made the butterfly and the lilies during her dialysis sessions. My mom made the rose."

"They _made_ those?"

I was impressed.

She nodded.

"Wow. What about your dad?"

"Oh, my parents are divorced and we don't get to see him that often."

"Oh. What does your mom do?" I asked.

"She's a nurse at Denver General. And yours?"

"Um..."

She looked closer at me, waiting.

"She, used to be a psychologist."

"Oh. And your dad?"

"Is an artist."

"Cool."

"well I mean my adoptive parents who I refer to as karen and jesse."

"right."

I thought back to Serena's dialysis remark.

"So she has cancer," I remarked: "your sister."

"Yeah, AML."

"So does mine. Again my adoptive….actually all of them are."

"right. You hungry?"

"Yeah."

We stood up and went into the kitchen which was large, wooden and granite. Serena went over to the large metal fridge and pulled it open. Her long wavy blonde hair spilled down her back.

"Oh, we do have pasta," she muttered, closing the fridge.

She brought out 2 white bowls of pasta covered with shower caps and set them on the gray granite counter next to the fridge. She pulled the shower cap off one and stuck the bowl in the white microwave.

I shuddered when the bowls hit the counter. She noticed and looked at me.

"sorry I just. I hate that sound."

"oh. Sensory issues?"

"well that too but mainly bc when I was living w/ my dad every time he'd make something we had the same bowls and counter. Er I mean same material. Um not material that's the wrong word…..um…..the same. Like….wow."

"I get it.

"oh. And I don't like that reminder."

"oh. And your mom?"

"passed when I was 4. that's actually why I stopped playing piano. She was lovely."

"wow 13 yrs. Ago."

"yeah."

"I take it you dont get on too well w/ your dad?"

"well no and that's putting it mildly."

"again. Get it. Hey I have my weird thing the lights thing. Well what others would consider weird. Anyway. You want anything to drink?" she asked me: "we have wine, 7 Up, juice, lemonade, tea, water, hot chocolate."

"Is it cranberry juice?" I asked.

"Yeah, want some?"

"No, we just always have cranberry juice on hand for Amanda."

"Oh. Your adoptive sister?"

"yeah. And 7 Up, for Kate."

"Oh. Your other. Adoptive sister."

"Water's good," I said.

"VitaminWater ok?" she asked.

"Yeah."

She pulled 2 bottles of VitaminWater out of the fridge and handed one to me.

"Thanks," I said.

"We have 2 bottles of 7 Up. One's for Sierra and one's for Mom and I," she told me.

"Sierra's your sister?"

"Mmmhmm."

"oh. Kate's my sister who has AML."

"Uh huh."

The bowl turned in the microwave, whirring. The cabinets were of a medium wood. I opened my vitaminwater.

"When was she diagnosed?" I asked Serena, of Sierra.

"10 months. And Kate?"

"2 years."

Meaning sierra was diagnosed when she was 10 months old and kate when she was 2 yrs.

We both got quiet for a bit.

"you know youre the 2nd person ive told about the counter thing. The 1st is my brother."

"wow."

* * *

Serena set her bottle of VitaminWater on the counter and came over to me.

"Hi," she said softly, coming up behind me and brushing my hair over one shoulder.

She put her lips to my exposed skin.

I brought my hands behind me and started unbuttoning her shirt.

"You smell good," she told me, moving her mouth along my neck.

"Thank you," I said working the buttons.

The house had gone quiet, the microwave stopping.

"Should we get that?" I asked.

"Um. for dinner?" she returned, winding her arm around my waist.

"Yeah what were you thinking?"

"Sex."

I laughed; "honey there are much better ways to get your-"

"I know. We can always reheat it even though. I just did."

"No I'm hungry. Let's eat now."

"Ok."

She detached herself from me, put on oven mitts, took the bowl out of the microwave and set it on the counter while she put another one in and set the time.

"Ok if I eat in the living room?" I asked, picking up the bowl.

"Yeah long as you're careful," she replied.

"Ok."

I went into the living room.


	2. Tues Sept 9th: Glee Club Auditions

**Tuesday**

The next morning at school there were 2 papers taped to the white wall outside the drama room. Serena and I walked up to them. One was a sign up sheet for the school play, the other for the glee club.

"You interested?" I asked Serena, who had her arm around my waist.

"No, I think I'll just stick with ballet."

"Oh. Ok."

"How was work?" she leaned her head on my shoulder as I wrote my name on one of the many black lines listed on both papers.

"Ok, long."

"Mmm."

"After, we went to Village Inn."

"Hey I gotta get goin. But let me know about tonight."

"Ok."

She moved her head, kissed me and left. When she drove me to school she'd asked if I want to hang out at her place tonight.

I looked at the writing on either list; the auditions for the play were at lunch and the ones for glee club were after school. This meant I couldn't go to cheerleading. I pulled my phone out and texted Jessica, who was in cheerleading with me and told her I couldn't go due to auditions. I'd stopped going to ballet after school.

"Auditioning for the play?" a female voice asked.

"Huh?" I asked, startled.

I put my phone away.

"Auditioning...for...the...?" the young woman repeated slowly.

She had long straight dark brown hair and dark brown eyes. Her body had filled out nicely.

"Yeah."

"Yeah me too."

She wrote her name on the top line of each list, and put a star after it.

"I'll probably get the lead, I always do. I was the lead in Spring Awakening and Wicked, up in New York. The star's a symbol."

"A symbol?"

Of what, I wondered.

"Yes."

She turned and left.

I pulled out my phone and texted Serena, letting her know I wouldn't be meeting her at lunch due to auditions.

A female voice came near my ear, humming 'I'm Not That Girl' from Wicked.

"I'm Not That Girl," I said, recognizing it.

"Hm?" the girl asked.

"From, Wicked."

"Oh. Yeah. Wicked. You auditioning as well?"

I looked at her and noticed she was very pretty, with light skin, long blonde hair and huge blue eyes. She seemed sad, quiet and sad. I got an image of her holding a baby.

"Yeah. I'm Ashley."

"I'm Dianna. I was Glinda in Wicked. I hope she's not there, at the auditions."

"She?"

"Rachel. We don't get on well."

"Oh."

"Well. I have to get to history but it was nice meeting you."

"You too."

She left.

From the information she gave me I gathered that the young woman that had first signed up was Rachel, and she and Dianna had both been in Wicked.

It was 8 a.m. by this time. Students were milling about in the halls, talking, texting, standing by their lockers.

That morning I'd gotten home at around 3, 4 a.m. I then headed straight to ballet. After the glee club auditions after school I planned to go home and sleep untill it was time for Evan and I to pick Lily up at the airport.

Kate and Mandy were still at the hospital, and we suspected Marie was still downtown. Kate's comforter was still at the dry cleaner's. Serena and I decided we liked each other but weren't officialy going out.

I had a dance commitee meeting after school as well.

The smell of his cologne reached me before he did. I looked up and noticed a fist set against a wall attached to an arm in a light blue long sleeve shirt button up shirt which was attached to a body standing several inches above me.

"Hey got a pen?" he asked.

"Yeah."

I dug out my purse and dug out a blue pen, handing it to the guy; "here."

"Thanks..." he racked his brain for my name.

He had dark hair.

"Ashley," I supplied.

"Ashley right that's right."

He wrote his name on each of the lists and handed me back the pen; "here ya go."

"Thank you."

I put it back in my purse.

"Uh huh."

"We've never met before," I informed him.

"Hm?"

"You'd forgotten my name, which, I'd never told you untill now."

"Oh. I'm Cory by the way."

"Oh."

"Sorry about that."

"What?"

"Rachel, I assume you 2 have met?"

He was referring to the brunette.

"Well, no, she didn't formally introduce herself but I figured out it was her from what Dianna told me."

"Right as they were both in Wicked."

"Yeah. Dianna's nice."

"Yeah. Who's the blonde?"

"The...?"

"Yeah, the other blonde."

"Oh, that's Serena. She's my sort-of girlfriend. We're not officially going out but we definately like each other."

"Yeah I can see why."

"Rachel doesn't seem very nice," I observed.

"Yeah she...she can be. She keeps her distance."

"Oh. Why?"

"She's very talented, as she probably told you. It might have something to do with her 2 dads."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, um they're gay."

"Oh."

"Don't tell her I told you this but when she was little people weren't very nice to her because of that."

"Oh."

"Hey do you want to sit with us at the lunch audition? Serena can come."

"Sure."

"Ok."

"Us?" I asked.

"Rachel, Dianna, myself, and Amber and Chris, who I'm sure you'll meet later."

"Yeah ok."

"It was nice meeting you Ashley. See you at lunch."

"Ok see you."

He left.

A hefty African American young woman with long straight hair came beside me, humming 'I Won't Say I'm In Love' from 'Hercules'. She reached up and wrote her name on the list.

"With who?" I asked.

"Hm?"

"The song...'I Won't Say...' ".

"Oh that. I'm not, actually."

"You got a great voice."

She smiled; "thank you! That's why I'm auditioning."

"I am too. As is Rachel...and Dianna...and Cory. I'm Ashley by the way."

"I'm Amber. Good luck competing against Rachel."

"Thanks. Yeah, since apparently she's always the lead."

"Yes. Yes she is."

"Thank you, by the way."

"You're welcome."

"Oooh I'll sign up. I think I'll do something from Chicago," a slight guy my height with brown features said, coming up to us.

He was dressed very nicely, in a long sleeved button black shirt and black pants. On his feet were black shoes. He had dark hair and blue eyes.

He took the pen and signed his name on both the lines.

"That sounds good. I know you'll do great," Amber told the guy, smiling.

"Thank you."

He smiled then looked at me; "ooh I love your coat."

I was wearing a zigzagged, checkered black-and-white wool coat.

"Thank you," I said.

"You're welcome. Are you also auditioning?"

"Yes. I'm Ashley."

"I'm Chris. And this is..."

"Amber, yeah, I know. We've already met."

"Oh."

"Amber, we have class," Chris reminded her.

"Oh ok. Ashley we'll see you at lunch."

" was nice meeting you."

"You too," Chris called as they left.

Down the hall there was a commotion. I turned, looked and noticed a large tall football player with a black mohawk and Marie standing against the metal lockers. Another football player was talking to the first. Marie looked upset. After a few minutes the second football player left. The first turned to Marie. I walked towards them.

"You ok?" I heard the guy ask her.

"Yeah, just a bit upset," she replied.

She then noticed me. Her blue eyes widened.

"Ashley!" she said.

"Marie! What are you doing here?" I asked.

"I decided to come to school."

"Oh, so you're not whorin around anymore."

The football player looked at me, his small dark eyes wide.

"She's not a whore," he informed me.

"It's ok. She's my sister. And she..."

"...makes a living working downtown in the district," Marie finished.

"Oh ok."

A tall, thin guy who was dressed nicely, with curled light brown hair followed by a red haired woman my height walked by.

"Puck you goin to practice?" the guy asked.

"No I'm going to auditions," the football player replied.

"Ok, see ya then."

The couple left.

"Puck?" I asked.

"Well, actually I'm Noah. But everyone here knows me as Puck."

"Oh ok."

"And that, was Mr. Schuester. He's the Spanish teacher. The woman with him is Miss Pillsbury, she's the guidance counselor. They're engaged. She was going to marry the football coach but he stood her up."

"Oh ok. Is the baby Dianna's?"

"Baby?"

"I saw a...nevermind."

"Ok."

"I'm Ashley."

We went our seperate ways to class.

* * *

It was lunchtime. Serena, Rachel, Dianna, Cory, Amber, Chris, Puck, Marie and I were sitting in uncomfortable wooden seats in the schools auditorium, along with Mr. Shuester and Miss Pillsbury, and several others. Serena was sitting on one side of me, Marie on the other, then Puck and the others. Marie and Puck were talking, as were Amber and Chris, Cory and Rachel and Mr. Shuester and Miss Pillsbury. The auditorium wasn't very crowded; large with black wall sconces, a stage with a large long purple curtain, large black speakers on either side of the stage, white walls, stairs leading up to the stage and a white balcony above us. I was winding the pink ribbon of my pink toe shoes around my leg, since the paper said we had to both sing and dance.

Mr. Schuester stepped on to the middle of the stage.

"Hello everyone," he said; "thank you for joining us. For those who don't know, I'm Mr. Schuester, but you can call me Mr. Schue. I'm the Spanish teacher. That lovely lady over there," he indicated Miss Pillsbury; "is Miss Pillsbury, the guidance counselor and my fiance. Alrite let's get started. Rachel I believe you're up first."

Mr. Schue took his seat and Rachel stepped onstage.

"I hope she doesn't do 'Defying Gravity' again," Amber muttered to Chris.

"She always does 'Defying Gravity'," Dianna muttered back.

Rachel stepped onstage.

Next to me, Serena put her head on my shoulder and slipped her hand into mine.

"I'll be singing 'Don't Rain On My Parade, from 'Funny Girl'," Rachel announced.

"Ok whenever you're ready," Mr. Schue told her.

"She's such a diva," Dianna muttered.

"Yeah she can be. But she also can be nice," Cory said.

"You only say that cuz you're in love with her," Chris said.

Cory smiled.

"Ashley I didn't get a chance to tell you it was nice to meet you," Puck told me.

"Oh, that's ok."

"Well, it is."

"Thank you."

"Mmmhmm."

He put his arm around the back of Marie's chair.

"This is very '40's," Marie observed.

"Ever seen the movie?" I asked.

"No."

We listened to Rachel sing, her voice loud, controlled and mature.

"Wow," Serena said.

"I know. She's amazing."

"She sounds like Idina Menzel," Marie noted.

"And that's, why she was in 'Wicked'," Dianna told us, annoyed.

"Oh."

I noticed a pair of '40's heels on Rachel's feet.

"I love her shoes. I wonder if she's going to tap dance," I wondered.

A minute later Rachel did just that. After she was done we all clapped.

"Thank you," Rachel said, stepping down off the stage.

She resumed her place next to Cory.

"Babe you were amazing," he told her, his eyes wide, smiling.

"As always. And thanks."

They kissed, Cory putting his arm around the back of her chair. Rachel was all aglow.

Mr. schue looked back at us; "Dianna you're up, and then Amber."

Dianna stood up from her place and onto the stage.

"I'll be singing 'You Keep Me Hangin On', by the Supremes," she announced.

"Ok go right ahead," Mr. Schue said.

Dianna began singing, her voice low and strong.

"Wow," I said.

"Yeah I know," Serena said.

"For someone so quiet...she sure can sing," Amber noted.

"Yeah you should've seen her in 'Wicked'; she was so cute as Glinda," Rachel said.

"A compliment, from Rachel?" Chris asked.

"Am I not allowed to compliment people?"

"Well usually you're so, um," I searched.

Selfish and people who are don't regularly compliment.

"Oh I know."

"Honey you haven't really gotten a chance to know her," Serena reminded me.

"Oh. I think,"

"Hm?"

"We should start a babysitting club, like Mom had with her friends. We'll ask Pam for help tomorrow."

"Ok."

"'I'll help," Marie said.

"Ok."

Amber stood up and went to sit on the stairs aside the stage.

"I'm after her," Chris said.

"Have yall met Serena?" I asked everyone.

They introduced themselves.

"I love your shoes," I told Rachel.

"Thank you."

"How long have you 2 been together?"

"A year," Cory answered.

"Oh."

"All of us used to live in Ohio."

"Oh."

Dianna got off the stage. She and Amber hugged and Dianna came back to her seat.


	3. Tues Sept 9th: Amber

**Amber**

I signed up for glee club, again. I'd been in it back in Ohio, with Rachel, Tina, Puck, Cory, Dianna, Santana and Brittany. Cory had just signed his name on the sign up sheet.

I went to sign up, humming a Disney song. To my side was a pretty blonde young woman.

I signed up.

She introduced herself as Ashley, I introduced myself.

"Good luck competing against Rachel," I told her.

"Yeah since she's apparently always the lead," she said.

"She is."

She was the lead in Cabaret, Wicked, Funny Girl, Spring Awakening. Everyone knew how talented she was and how motivated.

Chris came and joined us, informing us he was singing something from Chicago. He complimented Ashley on her coat, they exchanged introductions.

We walked off to class.


	4. Wed Sept 3: decorating, Rachel

**Wednesday**

**Ashley**

It was lunchtime and I was at a meeting of the dance committee planning our annual fall fling which wed been planning ever since school started which was sept. 2. The dance was this Saturday the 21st. I wanted to have a before and after party bc I didn't really know anyone in the school even though id been going to it since last year. The meeting on the 1st had been an imropmtu one anyone who wanted to come could. We were halfway done planning the dance. We had the decorations and food we just needed to put the decorations up in the gym which was what we were doing now. Rachel and another girl tina were there among others. There were posters all over the school for the dance and the following one in October the Halloween dance. And for the glee club show which was the 28th a week from this Saturday. Following that was the school performance of cabaret. I knew that they were also performing at sectionals this year.

The ballet school I went to was performing Dracula around Halloween and the nutcracker this winter.

I wondered why Rachel had joined the dance committee. Id never said a word to her but decided now was the time.

I went over to her. She was hanging a leaf on a wall.

"yeah?" she asked when she felt me approach.

"um. I was just wondering why you joined the committee," I said.

"so I could become more popular since people don't like me."

"oh. You take the same ballet class I do. Youure really good."

"thank you."

"so I don't really know anyone here and want to. Though I havent asked jesse I was also wondering if youd want to come to a before and after party this satuday for the dance."

"yeah ok though ill have to ask my dads. Thank you for inviting me. You should come see cabaret. Im going to be in it. And im going to be the star. I might be the star of Dracula too."

"um ok. Your dads?"

"yeah I have 2 gay dads."

"oh."

"whos jesse?"

"my adoptive dad."

"oh."

"im Ashley btw."

"yeah I know."

"oh."

I went over to tina who was also hanging a leaf.

"yes?" she said quietly.

"hi I was wondering if you wanted to come to a before and after dance this Saturday at my place. Theyre for the dance."

"ok."

Wow that was easy.

"ok cool. Im Ashley btw."

She smiled: "tina nice to meet you."

"yeah you too."

Well she was nice.

I then went over to Hannah, lily, rose and alexa.

"hey so I want to have a before and after party at our place this Saturday for the dance if you do. Ive already invited Rachel and tina who I just met," I told my sisters.

"ok ill invite tom," alexa told me.

Tom was her 20 yr old boyfriend. Theyd been going out for a year.

"and ill invite lucy," rose said.

"lucy?" I asked.

"this girl I know from here. Shes nice. She has 6 siblings. I think evan knows one of them."

"oh ok cool."

"I do," Hannah said.

"as do I," lily said.

"ok cool. Ill talk to evan and jesse about it today."

"ok."

I pulled out my phone and texted evan.


	5. Kate: not well in class

**Kate**

It was Wednesday. I was in my last class before lunch, geometry. I was having trouble concentrating because I felt dizzy and nauesous. I didn't know that I'd be able to make it to lunch. I'd tuned out the meaning of x, and what our homework was.

"Kate," the teacher said.

I blinked; "huh?"

"Are you alrite?"

"Um..."

"Do you need to go home?" he asked.

I nodded.

"Ok. Excuse me."

We left the classroom and went down the hall and to the office on the first floor of the middle school, where I called my dad who'd come get me.


	6. Karen: Call From David

Karen

That night I got a call from my brother David.

"yeah?" I asked answering the phone.

"hey are you coming for thanksgiving?" he asked.

Thanksgiving. And it wasn't even Halloween yet. This shocked me.

"well hello to you too," I said.

"sorry hi what are your plans for thanksgiving?" he asked more politely.

"there we go that's better," I knew we were both smiling: "um I don't know yet why?"

"mom wants to do something. I just talked to her."

"and I wont be there if she is. Or if Andrew is. And I don't want to subject my children to Charlie. Um. Charlie's drinking."

"I know but you know much family means to her. And no one should be alone during the holidays."

"yeah it means so much to her that she hurt some of her own."

"I thought you were over that."

"I am! But again, my children. It just….im just scared. I know its less common w/ grandparents but it still happens."

"I know."

"who all does she want to have?"

"well me, Emily, Andrew, Charlie, Stacey, Sam and their kids. And yours if you'll come."

"oh. Cant we do both? We could have one here too w/ Emily, Stacey, Sam, and you. And their kids. And maybe Charlie."

"ok ill tell her."

"ok."

We hung up.


	7. Ashley: Family Meeting After School

Ashley

That day after school jesse and karen called evan, Hannah, alexa, rose, lily and I into jesses room. Karen and jesse had separate rooms. It was between 3 and 4 in the afternoon and I hadn't yet left for ballet. And Hannah and alexa hadn't yet left for work. Karen and jesse were all sitting on jesses bed the rest of us on the floor.

"so david called today," karen told us.

David was her brother. Well one of them.

We all looked at her expectantly.

"about thanksgiving. Our mom wants to get together w/ Andrew, Charlie, Emily, Stacey, sam, grace and us. Ive told david I don't want to be there if mom and Andrew are there and that we could have 2 thansgivings."

Andrew, Charlie, Emily, sam and grace were karens other siblings. She barely talked to her mom, Andrew or Charlie. Things still weren't good between them. Mom had a dark past that she rarely talked about. Evan, Hannah, alexa, rose, lily and I all knew this but I don't know if mandy, Louisa, kate and anna did.

"mom?" evan asked.

She turned to him: "yes?"

I flexed my feet back and forth. Id forgotten to put ben gay on my tendons after ballet this morning.

"ben gay?" lily asked noticing this.

I nodded.

"I have some you can use."

"ok."

We turned back to jesse, evan and karen.

"you havent told us why you and your mom don't talk. Or why you and Andrew don't. or you and Charlie," evan pointed out.

"um," karen looked toward the door making sure it was closed, "you see Charlie drinks. And Andrew hadn't been good to me. Kristy and I havent talked in ages and my parents were awful to me. However I get on w/ the rest. Youre not to tell the younger ones this. They shouldn't know untill theyre 16."

"oh. Wow. Ok. We wont."

"yeah I want to see aunt Emily. And aunt grace. And uncle sam," I said.

"and uncle david too," Hannah said.

"ok ill let them know," karen said.

"is Maureen coming?" jesse asked.

"whos Maureen?" alexa who hadn't spoken asked.

"your aunt staceys sister," jesse told her.

"oh."

"and I don't know," jesse told karen.

"ok ill invite her," karen said.

"oh my mom called. She wants to get together for thanksgiving too I told her itd be easier for her to come to us than for see her since theres more of us."

"ok and suzanne and kelly too."

"who are they?" rose asked.

"my moms sisters," jesse said.

"oh."

"yeah itll be good for her to get out," karen said.

"yeah I know," jesse said.

I knew that ever since her husband had passed 20 years ago jesses mom hadn't been the same.

"so looks like itll be Emily, grace, sam, david, Stacey maybe Maureen, maybe sara, suzanne and kelly here," karen said.

I presumed sara was jesses mom.

"yeah ok," he said: "um and mark wants to come."

"whos mark?" I asked.

"my friend from college."

"oh."

"yeah its ok if he comes. ok any other news?" karen asked us.

"yeah um we want to have 2 parties this weekend a before and after for the dance. We're inviting some friends from school. Toms coming. Im inviting some friends from work ruby and ariel. Um. If that's ok w/ you," I said.

"well that sounds like a good idea good way to get to know people. And ill invite bobbys kids too. What time is the dance?"

"at 7. So the party could be like…well well need time to get ready and all…..um that'll take about 2 hrs. I don't know how long the dance is going to be. So the party could start at 11. Um. Weve asked for the day off work and rose, lily and I don't have ballet that night or the following morning which means Sunday night and Monday well put in some extra time which means we wont be in school," I informed them.

"ok. If theres going to be alcohol here I want jesse and evan to be here. I might be here I might not im not sure yet."

"ok fair enough."


	8. Visiting Kate, Meeting Sierra

When Serena and I got to the hospital after cheerleading and ballet we went into a patient room Steph and a young woman Kate's age were in. Kate was my younger sister the one w/ cancer. Steph was a nurse our family knew. The girl, like Kate, was hooked up to an IV, lying in a hospital bed.

"Hi Mom," Serena said.

Steph looked at us: "hi honey. Hi Ashley."

Steph had seen me around the hospital so she knew who I was.

"Hi," I said.

"How is she?" Serena asked her mom.

"Really tired. She's lost weight."

"Mmm."

"How's Kate?" I asked.

"She has the flu. She's been sleeping a lot more. I gave her more naproxen before I came in here. Her pain level's a 6. The good thing is she hasn't been vomiting as much. Alice went home for the night."

Alice was another nurse our family knew.

"Oh."

Over the past year Kate had lost significant amounts of weight when she relapsed and then gained it back again. And then lost it.

"I'm Sierra," the woman in the bed told me.

"Hey. Ashley," I said.


	9. Tues Sept 9th: Hannah: Work

**5 p.m.**

**Hannah**

It was 5 p.m. I'd already been working at the store for an hour. The sun was starting to set. I was shelving some books in the fiction section when a pale woman dressed in black with blue eyes and long straight black hair going down her back approached me.

"Yes?" I asked.

"I'm looking for the adopting and parenting section," she told me.

"It's at the back of the store. See where the escalators are?"

She nodded; "yeah."

"Yeah it's right by there, by the children's section."

"Ok."

"My sister Alexa will be able to help you."

"Do you happen to know someone by the name of Fitzgerald?"

"Yeah...that's, my dad. Why?"

"Just wondering. Thanks for your help dear."

"You're welcome."

She walked off.


	10. Kate

Eva Cassidy was a blues singer. She died in 1996. you'll need to know that for this chapter.

**Kate**

It was the next week. I was out of my coma and the hospital. I was back home. It was also early October which meant that Halloween was in a few weeks. I was finally old enough to take Anna out trick-or-treating this year. Dad and I were sewing the costumes, being that he was an artist. I was going as an alien and she was going as a crayon. The leaves and weather had changed. Then Thanksgiving and Christmas would come. Anna's 11th was December 31st. My 14th wasn't untill next summer.

It was nice not to be in the hospital. I hated my disease and what it had done to me. I'd lost 20 lbs because somehow my spleen had enlarged, causing me to feel full. I'd also been so sick I couldn't keep a thing down. These 2 factors meant I didn't eat as much. And every so often more bruises would appear.

My older sister Alexa's boyfriend Tom was the only one who knew what this was like. Hed had cancer and was now in remission.

It was afternoon. My mom was still at work. I was in my room, on my bed, listening to music. The music of Eva Cassidy, who'd died of cancer when she was 33.

I knew my parents were worried when I was in elementary school that I wouldn't finish. Now they were worried I wouldn't finish middle school. Dad's sister, who shared my name and birthday, had died of cancer when she was in high school.

Tom walked into the room my younger sister Anna and I shared and sat on the edge of my bed. He was tall, long, lean, slender and thin. And bald, which I knew Alexa found attractive.

"Hey," he said.

"Hi," I replied.

"How ya doin?" he asked.

"I'm so through with all of this. Even when I was in remission it always comes back. God I hate being sick. And when I'm _not_ sick I'm tired."

"I know how that is. I went through the same thing, as did my mom."

His mom had died of ovarian cancer.

"She hated it too. She hated it even more that she couldn't have any more children. She loved children."

"You really miss her," I observed.

"Yeah. I do. I do'nt usually talk about it, except with you or my girlfriend."

I shifted.

"You know, if it hadn't been for my disease you never would've met her," I said.

"Yeah that's what I pointed out to her, Kate. I don't think it really helped."

He glanced around the room.

"So. Eva Cassidy huh?" he asked.

"Yeah she...died of cancer..." I began.

"When she was 33. My mom loved her."

"I can relate to her, ya know?"

Tom nodded; "exactly."

"Got any plans for Halloween?" he asked.

"I'm taking Anna out. I'm finally old enough."

I smiled.

"Excited?" Tom asked.

"Oh yeah. You got any plans?"

"Yeah, Alexa and I are going to a Halloween party. We're thinking of going as a famous couple we're just not sure who."

"You could go as Frida and Diego."

"Who?"

"Frida,...Kahlo. Diego Rivera? The artists?"

Tom looked me, confused.

"He was the guy who painted all the lilies."

"Oh! Was she the chick with one eyebrow?"

I laughed; "yes Tom."

"Oh, she's cool. See, that's why I like you Kate. You're so creative."

"Thank you. Dad and I can help you with the costumes."

"Ok."

"Well art's a big part," I said.

"I remember those days."

"Wow. I'm suddenly really tired. Even though I was in a drug induced coma last week and you'd _think_ I wouldn't be. But I am. I'm sorry."

"It's ok."

Tom got up and leftthe room.

"Hey Dad!" I called.

He rushed into my room.

"What is it Kate? Are you ok? Do you need anything?" he asked.

I smiled; "yes Dad I'm _fine_."

"Oh. Ok."

"Tom and I were talking about Halloween plans. I gave him the idea of going as Frida and Diego for Halloween and I was thinking..."

-XXX-

I wandered into my dad's room that day. He was sitting at his desk drawing. He looked up when I came in.

"Yes?" he asked.

"Hey um I need to talk to you about our Halloween costumes," I said.

"Ok," he out his pencil down, "what do you have in mind?"

I came into the room and sat on his bed.

"Well. I want to go as an alien and Anna wants to be a crayon."

"Ok what color?"

"I don't know."

"Well for her costume she could wear construction paper for the body and a witch's hat which we'd cover in construction paper. And if it rains or snows she could carry an umbrella the same color as her costume."

"That sounds easy."

"And for you. You'd need those giant eyes."

"Or…or we could glue a whole bunch of googly eyes together in the shape of those giant eyes," I said.

"Yeah. That might actually be better. I don't know what we'd do for the costume though."

"Yeah me either," I said.


	11. Alexa: tom, frida, diego

**Alexa**

It was around 11 that night. Tom and I were at his place. His sisters were asleep. We were spread on the living room floor thumbing through books of Frida Kahlo paintings that my dad had let us borrow. He had a few other art books back at our house.

"Wow," I said: "all her paintings are really colorful."

"Yeah and sad."

"What about this one?" I pointed to a painting of Frida and Diego, a pink banner stretched over them.

She was wearing a dark green dress and a red wrap. Her hair was up and 2 necklaces adorned her neck.

"I think, that'd be great. We'll talk to your dad about it tomorrow."

"Ok."

We closed the books and put them on the black-rimmed coffee table which was in front of the sofa. I sat on the couch while Tom stood.

"Hey do you want some coffee or anything?" he asked.

"Yeah, coffee."

"Ok."

He went into the kitchen. His apartment was quiet. Opposite the couch was the tv. It was nice to be somewhere where, at any moment, somewhere would get sick and everyone else would have to go to the hospital. Which meant it wouldn't be.

I pulled out my phone and called Dad to let him know I was staying at Tom's for the night.

I reached forward and grabbed the black remote off the coffee table as Tom came back into the room. In the kitchen the coffeemaker was bubbling.

"Hey is it ok if I watch tv?" I asked as Tom settled in next to me.

"Yeah that's fine."

I flipped to That 70's Show.


	12. Wed Sept 11th: 1st Glee Club Meeting

**Wednesday, Sept. 11th**

Puck, Cory, Rachel, Dianna, Amber, Chris and myself were all in a classroom for our first glee club meeting. A small Asian young woman with long straight dark hair came in and sat next to Chris. She was wearing a dark purple long sleeve sweater and skirt and fishnets, as did a blonde cheerleader. The blonde cheerleader had blue eyes. She was in her cheerleading uniform. Puck was in jeans and a long sleeve button shirt.

We were all sitting on the bleachers. There was a piano near the middle of the room.

Mr. Schue came in and passed out sheet music then sat down in a blue plastic chair a few feet from the piano.

"Before we begin I'd like to tell you about your assignment," he said.

We looked at him expectently.

"Id like each of you, to choose a song or several songs representing your lives up to now. Youll be singing it herein a few weeks. Now lets get started."

We looked at the sheet music; 'You're The One I Want".

"Grease? Seriously?" Amber asked.

"Yeah it'll be super!" Rachel crie d perkily.

"Super? This isn't the 1950's honey," Chris reminded her, with a bit of attitude.

"Hey I'm the one with the attitude, not you," Amber reminded him.

"And _you're_ not a housewife," Rachel reminded Chris.

We laughed.

"Ok let's see...Ashely and..." Mr. Schue began.

"Me?" Serena asked eagerly.

"No, sorry. Homosexuality wasn't evident in the 1950's. How 'bout...Chris?"

"Oh but it's perfectly ok for a gay man to sing with a...?" Chris began.

"Bi," I supplied.

"Bi woman?"

"Sexuality has nothing to do with it. Everyone, at the piano please."

We stood up and gathered around the big shiny black piano.

"Ashley?" Cory asked.

I looked over at him; "yeah?"

"Grocery shopping after?"

"Yeah."

The fair pianist struck the first chords of the song and Christ began in his high soprano voice; "I've got chills, they're multi- I'm sorry."

The pianist stopped playing. Mr. Schue looked at Chris.

"Why?" he asked.

"I can't pretend to be straight when I'm not. I'm sorry Mr. Schue. Excuse me."

He left the room, Amber starting to go after him. Mr. Schue looked at her.

"No Amber," he told her.

She heaved a big sigh; "ok."

Mr. Schue looked at the Asian; "Tina?"

She nodded and left the room.

"Sorry about that guys," Mr. Schue said; "um, let's start again. Ashley and...Puck."

"Ok," I agreed.

The piano started again. Puck began in a low, controlled voice the first lines of the song. As we sang I noticed how good-looking he was. There was something about him that seemed broken, dark, somehow. Now that he was in glee club he also seemed softer.

As the group began to dance Serena put her arm around my slim waist.

"Youve not been at ballet as much," she noticed.

"Yeah, well. After you getting the lead...and I cant talk now honey I have to singand dance."

"Oh. I get it."

Her arm slid from my waist and she also left the room. Mr. Schue sighed. We resumed our singing.

After we were done we sat back down.

"Good job everyone, with the exception of Serena, Chris and Tina leaving, though I _told_ Tina to leave."

"Thank you," Rachel said from her spot next to Cory.

He had his arm around her.

"Why not me?" Amber asked.

"I'll need to see you after to explain."

"Ok."

"I have another announcement. The Friday before winter break we'll be having an open mic night, which will include poetry readings and singing."

Puck was sitting next to me, his hand resting on the bleacher behind me.

"Hey," he whispered.

"Yeah?"

"Is it ok if I put my arm around you? Cuz I know you're with Serena and..."

I sighed heavily; "yeah. I could use some comfort right now."

"Me too."

"You guys are free to go," Mr. Schue told us.

We stood up and left the room, Amber staying behind to talk. Rachel and Cory had their arms around each other, Puck had his around me. Dianna was walking with us.

"Hey, can I come?" he asked me.

"Grocery shopping?"

"Uh huh."

"Sure."

"Can I?" Dianna asked.

"Yeah."

We walked out to Puck's big black jeep. He opened the door of the passenger side for me. I got in and he went over to the driver's side. I set my stuff on the floor and buckled. Behind us Cory and Dianna got in the backseat.

"Sorry there's not much room and...that it smells like smoke," Puck apologised.

"That's ok. It actually reminds me a lot of my brother's."

"Oh. How old's your brother?"

"19, the oldest out of all of us."

He turned the key in the ignition and adjusted the rearview mirror.

"Oh. Where's the nearest grocery store?"

I told him. He started driving.

"Wow big family?"

"Yeah, and you?"

"Uh...no. Just me and my mom who has to work 2 jobs just to pay the bills. So she's not around much."

I got the feeling he was hiding something.

"Oh. What about your dad?"

"He...uh..." he cleared his throat uncomfortably.

"No, I get it."

"Oh."

He rounded a corner.

"What about your family?" he asked.

"Oh. Well, about a year or so ago I came here. I was born in New Orleans, to an Irish mother who my daughter's named after. She died when I was young, my mother. My daughter's 3 and living up in the city with my best friend."

"Your, daughter?"

"Yeah, my dad..."

"Oh. Wow."

"Yeah."

"He and I moved to Brooklyn after my mom died."

"Oh. What was up with Serena?"

"She's got a lot going on at home and I think she took it out on me."

"Yeah I get that. Would you like to come over later?"

"Yeah ok."

We found a parking spot in the grocery store parking lot and parked, then got out and went into the store.


	13. Friday Sept 13th

**Friday, Sept. 13th**

**Ashley**

It was lunchtime. I was sitting against the school building, checking my texts. The rain fell in front of me from the archway overhanging. The day had grown cold and gray.

**'hey darling', **read a text from my best friend Lily.

Even just reading her text I teared up. We'd been best friends for years. She was originally from Ireland but had moved to California and then New York.

I sniffed and pushed the 1 on my keypad, dialing Lily's number. Rain fell from the building and tears fell from my eyes.

"Hi darling," she answered.

I sniffed some more. She waited.

"I...Lily, I..." I managed.

"You want me to come there?"

I nodded, realising she couldn't see me nod.

"Ok. I will soon as possible."

"Ok."

"You're not made of granite sweethart. It's ok to let your gaurd down sometimes," my best friend told me.

This, of course, only made me cry more.

"But I have to go now, as I'm at school. I'll talk to you later," she informed me.

"Oh ok. As am I."

"I love you."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

We hung up.

I put my phone beside me, not really caring that lunch hour was almost ending and that I'd have to be back in class soon. I was so tired. I'd recently lost the role of Mina's best friend in the ballet school's production of Dracula because I'd missed class so much.

I lied down on the steps, pulling my long black wool coat over me and went to sleep.


	14. Chapter 14

"Ashley?" a male voice asked.

"Huh?" I asked, blinking myself awake.

I started to sit up, pained from sleeping on the stone steps.

"Ouch," I said, sitting.

"You must be freezing," the guy said.

I turned and realised it was Evan.

"Yeah, I am," I told him.

"Wanna go to my car?" he asked, helping me stand.

"Ok."

We stood. He took off the long wool overcoat our dad had given him and wrapped it around my shoulders, on top of my own.

"What happened?" he asked, opening an umbrella as we walked.

"I fell asleep. And what a fall it was."

We laughed.

"Yeah, I know that. You were asleep when I found you."

"What time is it?" I asked

"3."

"Damn."

"Yeah, the sun'll be down in an hour. My car's warm."

"Howd you know I'd be here?"

"Well Ashley, 1, school was still in session during the middle of the day..."

"Oh, that's right."

"And 2. You know me."

"Right."

Evan was very perceptive and often knew when 1 of us wasn't ok.

"You could use sleep," he told me.

"The both of us could."

"Yeah, well."

"Evan. You're not made of granite," I told him, repeating the exact words Lily'd told me earlier.

"Neither are you hun. Neither are you."

"That's what Lily told me."

"Oh," Evan said, getting it.

I suddenly felt warmer, and not just because of the coats.

"Wow," I whispered, surprised even though this was what Evan did.

'this' being suddenly giving off body heat whenever someone was cold.

"Yeah that was me," Evan answered me.

"Yeah. I know."

"How's Angela?" he asked, referring to my 3 year old daughter who was staying with Lily.

"Idinno, I didn't get a chance to ask."

"Oh. She comin here? Lily, I mean."

"Yeah. Soon as she can."

"Ok. I'd love to see her again. She's a lot like Rebecca."

"Yeah, she is."

"And how're Rena, Scarlet and Miranda?" Evan asked me, referring to my 3 friends who were in New York.

"Dinno."

"Oh."

"How's everyone?" I asked.

Evan turned and looked at me. By this time, we were across the school lawn.

"How are you?" he asked.

"Hows'...?" I repeated, stepping off the curb and into the street.

"Ashley," Evan said, his voice low.

We crossed the street.

"I'm...um, I'm..."

"Not made of granite?"

"Yes. Exactly. I'm still knackered."

Knackered being exhautsed, a word I'd picked up from Lily.

"Mmm."

He handed me the carton of ciggerettes and his zippo.

"Thanks," I said.

"Mmhm. I got a bottle of raspberry vodka in the car."

"How'd...?" I asked, looking at him.

"It's just been one of those days. for me too."

"Oh. Right. You're good at that."

"Yes Yes I am."

We crossed the lawn of the park to his car. He opened the door for me and went over to the driver's side, opening the door for himself.

We got inside; he closed the doors, locked them and turned on the heater, which roared to life.

He reached down and picked up the bottle of raspberry vodka from the car floor with one hand while filling the car with the music of Billie Holiday with the other.

"Omygod," I said, leaning back against the seat.

Evan sat up, unscrewing the bottle. He held out his hand and I handed him his zippo, which he took. I blew out my ciggerette. He poured the vodka into the 2 plastic cups that were in the cupholders, then put the cap back on the bottle and put the bottle back on the floor. He handed a cup to me with one hand while he lit the dragonsblood incense stick with the other, flicking the lighter.

I lifted the cup to my lips and took a sip. Raspberry vodka is the equivelant to liquifying a raspberry and mixing it with alcohol.

Tears streamed down my cheeks as I listened to Billie Holiday sing about her own personal pain.


	15. Ashley 2

**4 p.m.**

It was 4 p.m. and we were in the choir room. Everyone was sitting on the bleachers. Dianna, Puck and another tall, large football player were talking. Tina was talking with another Asian, a guy. Rachel, Cory, Amber and Chris were also talking, as were Brittany and Santana. Sitting next to me was another football player. We had 8 girls and 5 guys; we needed another 3 guys.

Into the room walked Mandy, and sat next to me, on the other side. She looked a bit out of it. As usual, she was dressed well. She was wearing a purple sweater, black pants and black leather boots. On her ears were pearl earrings.

"Hey what are you doing here?" I asked.

"Evan brought me. I wanted to see what this was all about."

"Shouldn't you be in the...?"

"Hospital?"

I nodded; "yeah."

"He got me signed out."

"Oh."

She leaned forward, and smiled at the football player; "hi."

He immediatly smiled; "hey, great smile. Do you model? You're gorgeous."

"Thank you. And no, I don't. I'm Mandy."

"You're welcome. Adam."

He had dark hair that curled at the neck and green eyes.

Mandy looked at me; "Ashley would you mind...?"

"Moving?"

She nodded; "yeah."

I stood up and she slid next to Adam.

I joined Rachel, Cory, Chris and Amber.

"Oh, I brought scarves," Chris said, pulling them out of his messenger bag.

They were bright pink.

"Ok great. We'll need black jeans and black jackets for the guys," Amber said.

"And um..."

I pantomimed spraying my hair with hairspray, then pushed my fingers into it to make it higher.

"Hairspray?" Rachel supplied.

"Yeah, that. For the guys."

"Well maybe not Puck."

We laughed.

"I'm sure my mom has some stored in the attic," Cory said; "jackets, that is."

"Ok."

"That your sister?" Amber asked, looking at Mandy and Adam talking.

I nodded; "yeah, that's Amanda. Or, Mandy.'

"She's pretty, and she seems to like Adam."

"Thanks."

"She's a little thin though," Chris commented.

"She has, an eating disorder," I explained.

"Oh I'm sorry...I didn't know."

"It's ok. Like you said."

Mandy and Adam approached us. I looked up at them.

"Adam's going to show me where the microwave is, so I can have some of the pasta he brought," she told me.

She held up a small, green container of Healthy Choice pasta.

"Ok," I said.

She, Rachel, Amber, Chris and Cory exchanged introductions, then Mandy and Adam left.

"What about me?" Puck asked, turning around.

"Oh, we were just talking about hairstyles for you guys, for the Grease number, and we said you probably won't need hairspray," Rachel said.

"Oh. What's the hairstyle?"

"An Elvis...thing."

"Bouffant," Chris supplied.

Puck went back to talking with Dianna and the football player.

"This is my brother Mike," Tina told us.

We exchanged introductions.

"Ok Ashley we need to work on your choreography while we wait for Schue. Well, yours and Puck's," Rachel told me.

"Where is he?" Amber asked.

"Not sure."

Rachel, Puck and I stood and went to the piano.

"I was thinking, that you could start with this," Rachel told Puck, who looked at her.

She pointed to herself, then spread her fingers to make jazz hands, palms out. She wiggled her hands down her body, then moved her shoulders up and down.

"Ok," Puck said, watching her.

He tried it.

"Hm..." Rachel said thoughtfully, putting one hand on her hip and another on her bottom lip.

"Yeah?"

"It needs work."

"Yeah I couldn't quite the dance part down."

"Well it's only your first time trying it," I said.

"Here, try this," Rachel offered.

She went through the hand motions, then popped her right shoulder forward. Puck followed. They turned their heads slightly to the right, then to the left, putting the other shoulder in front.

"Good," she said.

He looked at her, waited.

"Ok now try this," she said.

She lowered her head, pointing again at herself then out, then spread her fingers and moved her arms down her body. Puck followed.

"What am I to do?" I asked.

Rachel looked at me; "hold on."

"Ok."

She turned back to Puck; "you practice that while I work with Ashley."

He nodded; "ok."

Rachel turned back to me.

"You're going to be in heels for this."

I nodded; "right, of course. As to be expected."

"Watch me."

Again, I nodded.

She pointed her finger outward, stepping towards me 3 times. She stopped with her right foot in front of her left. She bent her right arm in front of her, her thumb and pointer finger making the 'Ok' sign. Then bent her wrist and her knees. She touched her right knee to the back of her left leg, sinking. She moved her right arm in front of her chest and turned her head to the right.

Then, she bent forward, turned her head and put her left hand on her left thigh, her right hand on top of it. She slid them up, unbending, turning her head to the right. She moved her right finger back and forth. She repeated the steps.

"You try," she told me, when she was done.

I did, with her observing.

"Good."

"What do I do next?" I asked

"Repeat."

"Oh. Ok."

"Try it a couple of times, then rehearse with Puck while I tell the others their choreography."

I did.

"Dianna, Tina, Amber, Brittany and Santana," Rachel said.

They stood up. I joined Puck, and we practiced.

The girls moved to the other side of the piano.

"Ok while they're doing that you'll be doing this..." Rachel told them.

While we rehearsed, out of our peripherals Puck and I watched them rehearse.

They moved from side to side, moving their pointer fingers to either side as they did so. They then did the box step.

"Dianna, you're a little behind," Rachel told her; "try again."

They tried again.

"Tina you're a bit off with the timing," Rachel observed.

They tried again.

"Ok, good. Mike, Cory, Chris and...you," she said to the football player on the bleachers.

"Brian," he supplied.

"Brian, right. This is where you come in."

She looked at Puck and I; "you guys can stop."

We nodded; "ok."

"Pair up," Rachel told them.

Tina and Mike, Amber and Chris, Dianna and Brian, Rachel and Cory and Puck and myself were the pairs. Cory and Rachel moved to the middle of the room.

"You guys can sit back down," Rachel told Brittany and Santana.

"Ok."

They sat back down on the bleachers.

In front of us, Rachel and Cory held hands. He spun her; she ended with her legs bent, her right one behind the left. He put one hand on her back while he dipped her, her outer leg kicking up. They did it again, and they each twirled out, to Dianna and Mike. They did the same with Dianna and Mike.

They walked back to each other, meeting.

"Ok now I want everyone to try it," Rachel told us; "then we'll line up. After, we continue the steps, leaving Ashley and Puck in the center, who will continue what they did in the beginning of the song."

We tried it a couple of times, then lined up opposite each other.

Rachel looked at us; "ok, good. Now watch us. Chris, Amber, over here."

Chris and Amber put their arms raised their arms above their heads. Rachel and Cory danced through their arms, then stood and raised them, locking their hands.

"Ok, everyone try it, then we'll do the whole thing a couple of times," Rachel told us.

We did, and sat back down.

"Good job," she told us.

It was 4:30 by that time.

"Schue's still not here," Amber said.

"Yeah this isn't like him," Chris said.

"No it's not," Rachel said.

At that moment Mandy and Adam walked in, holding hands. They sat down next tome.

"Hey," I greeted Mandy.

"Hey."

"How was the pasta?"

"Good, Adam's really nice. How's rehearsal? Anything new?"

"Well, we learned the dance steps. We're doing 'You're The One I Want', from Grease."

"Oh, cool."

"I'll show you the dance steps," Rachel told Mandy and Adam, looking at them.

"Ok."

They got up, practicing for about 10 minutes.

"Good," Rachel said.

They sat down.

"I'll talk to some of the guys, and ask them if they're interested, since we need 2 more guys," Puck told Rachel.

"Ok great."

It was 4:40 when Mr. Schue walked in, sitting in a blue plastic chair in the middle of the room.

"Hey guys sorry I'm late, I had car trouble."

"It's ok Mr. Schue we were working on choreography," Rachel told him, looking at him.

"Good I'd like to see it. But first, I have a few announcements."

We waited.

"First, since I'm late we'll end at 5:40, instead of 5. Secondly, we'll be performing the Grease number at the pep rally next Friday."

"Wow that's close," I said.

Today was Wednesday.

Mr. Schue looked at me; "I know Ashley but I think you guys can do."

"The cheerleaders are also performing," Brittany told him.

He looked at her; "ok, I'll talk to Sylvester about the scheduling. There will be an all day rehearsal this weekend, both days. So don't make plans. Bring the costuming."

"We're going shopping at some great vintage shops downtown after this," Chris said.

"Ok, great."

"I brought scarves."

Chris held them up.

"Very nice Chris," Mr. Schue told him.

"l'll look in our attic for black leather jackets. I think we have some," Cory said.

"Ok, good. Secondly, we're also performing 2 numbers at the Halloween dance. One from Cats and one from Wicked. I'm counting on Rachel and Dianna to help us with those."

"We will," Dianna said.

"We're also performing something near the start of winter break, but I'm not sure what yet. For those of you who don't know, over break we're going to New York over winter break."

"Are we staying in a hotel?" Tina asked.

"Yeah, we are. I'll need to talk to Ashley and Rachel about that, after."

"Ok," I said.

"I'll help too," Puck said.

"I don't understand," Mr. Schue told him.

"I'm originally from the city."

"Oh ok. The Monday after the pep rally we're going to be rehearsing for both the Halloween dance and the play."

"What's the play?" Mike asked.

"I still haven't decided."

"Ok."

"And the Friday before break we're having an open mic night, which includes singing and poetry reading."

"We need 2 more guys," Puck said.

"That was what I was getting to."

"I'll ask some of the guys, and see if they're interested."

"Ok great. We have 3 new members who haven't officially auditioned."

Mandy, Adam and Brian smiled.

"They'll audition and then I'd like to see what you've put together Rachel," Mr. Schue told her.

"Ok."

Mandy stood up and went to the piano. Mr. Schue pushed the chair he was sitting in to the side of the room and sat on the piano bench.

* * *

It was 5:40. Mr. Schue, Rachel, Puck and myself were the only ones left in the choir room. The rest of the group was waiting for us downstairs, outside in the parking lot. We were sitting in uncomfortable dark blue plastic chair.

"Great job today guys," he told us.

"Thanks," I said.

"You're a good chorographer Rachel," he told her.

She smiled.

"I think Amanda, Adam and Brian will be great additions to the club. I'm a little worried about Amanda dancing though."

"Yeah we all are," I told him.

"So, I've been to New York but it's been years. Where is there to stay?"

"Well there's a hotel by Central Park," Puck said.

"Ok I'll book rooms. We could see some shows. What about the Rockettes?"

"I don't want to see them," Rachel aid.

"Ok...what suggestions do you have?"

"The Nutcracker."

"Ok, and how about Billy Elliot?"

"That sounds good. And...Jersey Boys."

"Cool," Puck said.

"And we could go ice-skating," I said.

"Ok. We'll have a bake sale to help pay for it."

"Ok. When?"

"Every day at lunch untill then, starting tomorrow."

"We could also sell ornaments."

"I'll talk to the art teacher about that."

"And those eggs?" Rachel said.

"Ukranian," Mr. Schue told her.

"Yeah, those seem festive."

"They're really hard to make though. I'll ask my grandmother how," Puck said.

Rachel looked confused.

"You know, cause I'm Jewish...which means my family's from Russia...which is..."

By the Ukraine.

"Oh, ok. Right."

"You're free to go," Mr. Schue told us.

* * *

It was 6:30. we were in one of the vintage shops downtown.

Chris put on a black, 1920's cloche.

"What do you think of this?" he asked.

Amber looked at him and smiled; "oh you can so rock that look Chris."

"Really?"

"Yeah it looks great," I said.

Mandy stepped out of a dressing room wearing a long, white flapper dress and pearls. The dress made her appear thinner than she was.

"Omygod," I gasped.

"You look amazing," Adam told her.

She smiled.

"We should do a '20's themed performance, maybe in the spring," Cory said.

"...that Vanderbilt, might admire..." Rachel sang.

I looked at her, pulling the brim of a purple '40's hat over one eyebrow; "that's, Chicago."

"We could do music from that, and from DeLovely," Dianna said.

"DeLovely's an elegant film."

"Yes. Yes it is."

"You guys know how to Charleston?" Brian asked.

"No."

"You'll learn."

"Very Sinatra," Lily commented, about my hat.

I smiled.

"I found the poodle skirts," Tina said, from a round metal rack of them.

We walked over and checked the prices. They ranged from $24.50 to $60.

"It seems like a lot...let's see that's...$196, almost $200," Mike said.

I looked at him.

"Sorry I'm just really good with numbers."

"Oh."

Rachel walked out of the dressing room in a slick, short '60's dress with wide straps; it had big black and green squares on it.

"We should do a '60's one!" Lily said.

"Yeah, we will."

Chris walked over in a pair of purple platforms.

"Whoa," he said.

* * *

It was 7 when we got to the living room Dad, Evan, Rebecca, Alexa, Tom, Hannah, Rose, Louisa, Serena and Pam were sitting on the sofas. There was a big cardboard box on the coffee table in front of them and several more on the carpet.

"Hey," I said.

"What's all this?" Mandy asked.

"Hey," Dad said.

"Halloween decorations," Evan answered.

"We're putting them up now?" I asked.

"Yeah. You don't mind do you?" Rebecca said.

"No, no. Just let us put our stuff up in my room."

"Ok. We ordered pizza for dinner," Alexa informed me.

"Ok sounds good."

"I love pizza," Amber said as we climbed the stairs to the second floor.

"Babe?" Puck said.

"Yeah?" I returned.

"After this I'm going to Rachel's to bake, so I can't stay long."

"Ok."

Rachel, like myself, lived in a large house.

"I already know the schedule," Rachel said, as we reached my room.

"Of?" I asked, opening the door.

"For the club."

"Oh."

We went into my room and set the hopping bags on the floor. This meant mr. schue had already told her.

"We're doing a Valentine's Day show and one for St. Patrick's Day," Rachel said.

"Oh."

"We should do a cabaret themed one...you know, you, Lily, Serena, maybe Amanda," Puck said.

"I could be in it as well," Tina said.

Puck looked at her; "you, can cabaret dance?"

"Clearly, you don't know me," she returned.

"We're also doing a gay pride one," Chris said.

"It involves rainbows," Cory said.

We went down the stairs and into the living room, where everyone exchanged introductions.

We crouched down on the floor by the boxes. We pulled out orange and black garlands, cauldrons, skeletons, cat figurines, fake spiders, fake lilies, fake roses, witch's hats.

"Lilies?" Puck asked, looking at me.

"They're the death flower," Lily answered.

He turned to her; "oh?"

"Yeah. During the 1930's for funerals, they couldn't afford roses."

"Oh."

"Evan, Rachel, Puck, Serena, Rose and I'll do the attic," I volunteered.

"Ok." Dad replied.

"Alexa, Tom, Eric, Louisa, Serena and I'll do the bedrooms," Rebecca said.

"Sounds good."

"Adam, Amber, Cory, Chris, Dianna and I'll do this floor," Mandy said.

"Alrite."

"Mike, Tina, Brittany, Santana, Lily and I'll do the outside," Brian said.

"Ok. Just take a box or 2 and start," Pam told us.

"Ok."

Evan and Puck took 2 boxes each and them, myself, Rachel, Serena and Rose climbed the 2 flights of stairs to the attic.

When we got to the top floor of the house Evan and Puck set the boxes on the floor.

"We'll go get some more," Evan said.

"Ok," I said.

They went down the stairs behind us.

"Wow," Rachel said.

"It's so big," Serena said.

"I know. I've been up here before but yeah, it's still big. Dad's hardly ever up here, so," Rose said.

"I've actually never been up here," I aid.

"So where's the attic?" Rachel asked.

"Well, right in front of us, I...think."

"Yeah you're right Ashley it's right in front of us," Rose told me.

"Ok."

A few yards in front of us at the end of the dark wooded hall were 2 giant wooden doors with large metal handles. The doors met in the middle and stretched to the walls. Along the walls and down the hall were several door.

"That's, your attic?" Serena asked.

"Yeah apparently so."

"Omygod that's huge!"

"Yeah I know."

"Why are there so many doors?" Rachel asked.

"Bedrooms, probably," Rose answered.

"Wow. An entire family could live here and you'd never know."

"Yeah it's a bit creepy."

"It's also warm. And stuffy. And dusty. And...well, don't take off your shoes cuz you might get a nail or a splinter," Serena observed.

I noticed carvings in 3 of the doors and went over to them.

'DO NOT ENTER' one said, 'KEEP OUT' another read, 'MY ROOM' the 3rd one said.

"Why would anyone carve in the doors?" Rachel asked.

"I don't know. But I have a feeling...that whoever carved these isn't the owner of these rooms".

I placed my right hand over the first one, and immediatly got an image; a man pushed a dark haired girl into the room, locked the door it and put the key in his pocket.

"Noooooo!" her screams echoed.

I stepped back from the door.

"Oh. my god," I said.

"You ok?" Rose asked.

"I...something happened in this room. Something dark. Whatever you do don't go in there," I warned them.

I went to the next door, and traced the lettering. Again, I got an image.

"Don't worry, it's perfectly safe. There are lilacs in there Lily and I know how much you like them. Emerald's already been examined," the tall thin old man in the white lab coat said, holding the door open for the brunette.

I stepped back and went back to the group.

"Lily..." I whispered.

"Hm?" Serena asked, looking at me.

The next image that flashed through my mind was of the brunette, her curly black hair now dyed red.

"Honey?" Serena asked.

I shook my head to clear it; "nothing."

"Ok."

"Do you think we should go in the other rooms?" Rachel asked.

"No, not...not right now."

"Usually nothing fazes you. You sure you're alrite?" Rose asked.

I looked at her. Her green eyes were wide.

"I'll tell you about it later," I told her.

"Ok."

It was also quite dark.

"There a light up here?" Serena asked.

Don't turn on the light, I heard a voice say.

"No. But I have one," I replied

I pulled my Zippo out and flicked it open, lighting the flame.

"Don't smoke up here, it's made entirely of wood," Serena said.

"This is for light sweethart," I told her.

"Oh."

In the dark I saw a glint of a reflection and realised there were mirrors placed in between the doors.

"Why are there so many mirrors?" Rachel asked.

"I don't know., Rose answered.

"Oh."

Alongside one wall below a mirror I noticed a wood end table on which was a wrought iron candlebra with black candles stuck in it.

"Black, candles?" Serena asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah. We shouldn't light them."

"Ok."

Rachel crouched on the floor in front of the boxes.

"Guess we should open the boxes," she said, taking the lids off the top ones and setting them aside.

She stood up. Serena moved closer to me and wound her arm around my waist.

In front of us, the candles flickered on.

"Whoa," Rachel said.

"Yeah I saw that too," Rose said.

Behind us we heard footsteps. We stepped to the side to let Puck and Evan up. They put the boxes all the boxes on the floor and opened them.

"Did you...?" Evan asked, looking at me and then the candles.

"No, none of us did."

"Oh."

"That the attic?" Puck asked, indicating the large doors.

I nodded; "yeah."

"Alrite."

They went and opened the heavy doors.

"There ya go," Evan said.

"Thanks," I said.

We each got a box and went into the giant room. There were round windows on 3 sides, and what I could only presume were large paintings leaning against the walls. There were black trunks, wire dress forms, round hat boxes, wood night stands and rectangular cardboard boxes. Some of the dress forms were empty and some had clothes, jewelry and scarves on them.

"Wow," Serena said.

Someone flicked a switch and the room was flooded with light.

"Guess they decided to install modern lighting up here," Rachel said.

"They?" Rose asked.

"Whoever lived here before you did."

"Oh."

"So where do we start?" Puck asked.

"Um, try and tape the garlands to the ceiling," I told them.

"Ok."

They dug the garlands out of the boxes and started.

Serena, Rose, Rachel and I taped the skeletons and paper ghosts to the walls and windows. Within a few minutes we were done.

We left the boxes in the room and headed downstairs into the living room. It was 7:40 by that time.


	16. Chapter 16

When we got to the living room members of the glee club exchanged introductions w/ my family. Then we all went into the kitchen for the pizza. It got pretty crowded in there w/ all the people. Then we went back into the living room and sat and ate.

Mandy of course wasn't eating.

"youre not eating?" amber asked looking at her.

Well obviously.

"no," mandy said quietly.

"oh. You looked beautiful in that dress," amber told her referring to earlier.

"thank you."

"so what are you going to be chris? Some kindof Sinatra bowie mix?" lily asked also referring to earlier.

"maybe."

"and that's why the lady. Is a grinning soul."

Chris smiled.

"wow Halloween."

"I love Halloween," I said.

"I know me too," lily said.

"youre from new Orleans right?" puck asked me.

"yeah."

"so im not surprised."

"the gay pride show would involve rainbows," cory said.

"yeah," chris said.


	17. Chapter 17

It was much later that night. Puck and I were sitting in the cold dark living room of his trailer, on the couch.

"Wow it's dark. And cold," I observed.

"Yeah we can't afford light. Or heating...actually."

"Oh."

Even our place in Brooklyn always had lighting.

"I could probably help with that," I said.

"Ashley I really don't-"

He assumed I meant sex.

"Neither do I. I _meant_ pay the bills. Marie and I are already helping pay Kate's hospital bills, so it wouldn't be much more."

"I thought she was trying to quit prostitution."

"Yeah she is. But I haven't stopped working."

"What do you do?"

"Um I, also, work 2 jobs."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. Well 3, actually."

"Wow."

"I work on the weekends at the same bookstore my sister Hannah works at, as a waitress and...um...as a stripper. I was also a stripper in Brooklyn, and a model."

"Mmm I can see why."

"But I had to quit modeling after the bruises started showing. When I strip it doesn't matter so much."

"Bruises?"

"Yeah, from my dad?"

"Oh. Right. I have those too."

"Wow."

We were more alike than I thought.

"Well they've faded."

"Yeah so've mine," I said.

"But your cuts haven't."

"He didnt..."

"Yeah I know. My sister she...I know."

cut too deep and died that way, the words ran through my mind.

He pulled me against him. I noticed how thin he was.

"Wow."

"Yeah I don't get much to eat," he explained.

I started to sit up; "you want me to make you something?"

"Electricity's out."

"Oh. Well we could go back to my place and I could make you something there."

"Ashley, you really don't have to."

"Puck."

"Mm?"

"It's not always a matter of having to. Maybe...I want to."

He said nothing after that.

"When's your mom due home?" I asked.

"Only time will tell. It could be a few minutes from now or a few hours."

"Is it always like that?"

He swallowed; "yeah."

"Who's Kate and why's she in the hospital?"

"She's my second youngest sister and she has leukemia. So does Anna, who's the youngest...Mandy has an eating disorder..."

"Wow. What do your parents do?"

"My dad's - er well, my adoptive dad - "

"Mm, right."

"He's an artist, and before the car accident my adoptive mom was a psychologist."

"Oh. They married?"

"No. Mom likes Pam, her friend from school. A lot. They're in love. I'm the second oldest after Evan, my brother."

"Oh. And Hannah?"

"She's after Alexa who's after me. Alexa's with Tom who also had leukemia who...is the older brother of Jake who's dating Kate and...their aunt is going out with our dad.'

"Wow."

"Yeah I know. It may be big but it's safe, with the exception of what happened to Mom and Dad and Marie."

"Right, Marie kinda told me about that. Some guy was buggin her this morning, so I talked to him. She seems so sweet. innocent. charming...vulnerable."

I sighed in his arms; "yeah, her charm was how she got them. And as for the rest she is all those as well."

"She's beautiful."

"Yeah she is."

Behind me, Puck shifted.

"So Grease, huh?" he asked.

I nodded: "yeah."

"Its kindof fitting."

"For us?"

"Well, me, anyway."

"Yeah I can see that. You're Travolta all the way honey," I told him sarcastically.

"Yeah, well. I'm not much of a dancer though."

"Yes you are you're a great dancer."

"Football players aren't supposed to dance."

"Y'know...some football players actually _take_ dance to help them with their footing. It's nothing to be embarassed about."

"This, coming from a stripper."

"Hey man...once you strip - well, ok, maybe not _you_-"

he laughed.

"You learn not to care so much."

"I bet you're great at it."

"Yeah yeah I am. So's Lily. She's my best friend. She lives up in the city, taking care of my daughter. Lily's originally from Ireland."

He snuggled me against him.

"It's been a long day," he said, and we both fell asleep.


	18. Monday Sept 16th: w Puck

**Friday, Sept. 13th**

It was hours later when we woke up to the sound of the trailer door opening.

"What time is it?" Puck asked.

"1."

"In the morning?"

"Yes."

He shifted and I moved to the opposite end of the couch.

"Noah?" a woman called from the back end of the trailer which wasn't very far.

"Living room," he called back.

A short, full figured woman smelling of smoke and alcohol entered the room.

"Damn the 'lectricity still out?" she asked.

"Yeah."

Puck and I stood.

"Mom, this is my friend..." he began.

"Damn I'm hungry. We got any food?"

"We do, but as I just told you, the electricity's still out which means...we can't cook anything."

"Oh."

"Anyway, as I was saying...this is my friend Ashley."

I looked at the woman's form in the dark.

"From, school. And glee club."

"You're in glee club?"

"Yeah, just like I was last year," Puck sounded annoyed.

"It's nice to meet you doll," his mom told me.

"And you too, Miss..."

"Norah call me Norah."

"Norah. Like Norah Jones. So what do you do?" I asked politely.

"I'm a waitress, a bartender and a receptionist. I'm also, shattered."

I looked at Puck; "shattered?"

"Exhausted."

"Oh."

"Well Mom we're gonna get going."

"Ok."

We went out into the cold dark morning and climbed into Puck's waiting jeep.

"So where to?" he asked.

"Oh I don't care."

"Ok to the park then."

He turned the key in the ignition and sped off.

"So your mom she's...wow."

"Its ok you can say it. I know she can be a bit rude. She's always tired."

"Um, jus so ya know."

"Yeah?"

"I got ballet in a few hours."

"Ok."


	19. Park

**9 a.m.**

It was the next day, 9 a.m. Puck and I were in the park, I was wrapped in my 2 coats; his arms were wrapped around me. I'd already turned in the math, science and history homework. We were by trees; the day was cold and cloudy.

"How'd you sleep? I asked.

"Better, than usual. You?"

"I only slept for like, an hour."

"Wow."

"Yeah so I'm knackered."

"Yeah you seem tired."

"You're very helpful."

Sarcasm.

"It's nice to have the people."

Around.

"Well, yeah. When Kate's in the hospital it is. But its also weird. I guess I'm so used to people getting sick at random times, that..."

"Yeah I know how that is. My own sister died of that."

"You know, you don't talk much about you."

"I just...guys are supposed to be strong, ya know?"

"Yeah, but some girls like sensitive guys."

"Like you?"

"Oh, me...Serena...Lily."

"She's beautiful. She taken?"

"She's not currently looking."

"Oh. What's going on between you and Serena?"

I shifted; "not much, actually. She thinks I like you...more than I like her. I've done the girl thing."

"Well?"

"Well?"

"Do you? And who with?"

"More than you, no. And Lily."

" I mean I can see that."

"Yeah. But...it's nice to be somewhere where the whole world's not revolving around Kate."

"Mm, right."

"I love her I do, trust me. And Mandy...and Anna..."

"Right."

"It's just. Well."

"No one gets much attention but them?"

"Yeah. I know Kate feels bad about that."

"It's not her fault she has cancer."

"Yeah. I know. It scares me though. It scares all of us. Her...Amanda...scares me, Evan. Dad."

"I know. You're not made of granite babe."

"And with you, I don't have to be. Or Evan. Or Lily."

"I don't have to be with you either."

"She's a bit jealous."

"Who?" he asked.

"Serena.

"Oh."

He lied on the ground, taking me with him.

"Ashley there's a bunch of stuff I've kept buried."

I blinked, looking up at the clouds. It was warm and roomy inside the coats.

I waited. I knew sometimes it was easier for guys to talk when they didn't have to make eye contact.

"My own mom went through that, at the same time Aileen - my sister-"

I nodded; "mmhm."

"Aileen did. 'That' being leukemia. Aileen, however, died from it."

"Wow," I whispered.

"Yeah. My mom smokes, drinks. My family's not perfect Ashley."

"Why's she so, um?"

"Rude? Distant?"

I nodded; "yeah."

"She thinks that's a good tactic for not letting anyone get close to her. All the anger she's ever had she..."

his voice cracked. I reached for his hand and squeezed it.

Takes it out on you?, I thought.

"Yeah. shit I'm sorry."

"No hun don't apologise. It's ok. You got cold hands."

I took one of Puck's big hands in mine.

"Yours are warm," he told me.

Well I can afford heating, I thought.

"From stripping," he stated.

"Hm?"

"You can afford heating because you strip."

I breathed.

"You don't have to...you know."

Help with the bills.

"It's not just the heating though. It's Kate's hospital bills and...and you."

He got up, letting my head hit the ground.

"Ow," I whispered.

Standing above me he suddenly seemed very tall, even a bit intimidating.

"Ashley, I don't want you to help."

"Puck, I offered to. You're not oblig-"

"No, ok?"

"But-"

"No."

He left.


	20. Chapter 200

Ashley?" I heard a voice call.

I turned my head to either side, trying to figure out where it was coming from.

I sat up slowly, noticing I hadn't eaten in awhile. Now I knew how Mandy felt. I was a bit dizzy.

I heard heavy footsteps come towards me and immediatly tensed.

A few yards ahead of me I saw Cory. He was in jeans and a long sleeve green and white horizontally striped shirt.

"Ashley? Hey, you alrite?" he asked when he'd reached me.

In his hand he held a Subway bag.

He sat down on the ground next to me, offering me the sandwich.

"Here, thought you might be hungry."

He smiled. I opened the bag. Inside was a thing wrapped in white paper with the Subway logo on it and put it on the bag on the ground in front of me. I unwrapped it and realised it was a vegetarian sandwich.

I looked at him.

"Vegetarian?" I asked.

"I didn't know what you liked so I got you vegetarian."

"Thanks. Where's..."

"Rachel?"

I nodded, starting to eat t he sandwich; "yeah."

"Class. Why aren't you...?"

In class.

"Bathroom. I bumped into Puck in the hallway and he told me to fuk off."

"Oh."

"You must be freezing."

"No, not really...actually."

"Oh. Why you out here, anyway?

"Well..." I replied, embarassed; "he and I decided to ditch math."

"Oh, of course."

"And we got to talking and...I'd brought up that I'd offered to help him with the bills, and then he took off."

"Ashley."

"Yeah?"

"He doesn't want help."

"Yeah I know that's what he told me."

"Oh."

I ate more of my sandwich.

"Why?" I asked in between bites.

"Because, the last person who helped him...they fell in love and he, got his heart broken."

"Oh. I didn't know that."

"Yeah he keeps himself pretty closed off."

"I know."

"Oh. He doesn't like being reminded of his past."

"It sounds tragic."

"Yeah. It was."

"Was it Santana?"

"Who...broke his heart?"

"Yeah."

"No, someone else."

"Oh."


	21. ch 21

Rachel

We were all in the choir room. It was between 4 and 6 that day after school. Dianna's head was in my lap. About an hr ago shed tried out for cheerleading but the coach wouldn't let her bc she was hurt by the fact that Dianna had gotten pregnant last yr. Cory surprisingly had also tried out bc he was off football. We were waiting for new members to show not doing much of anything.

Chris looked at santanna and I followed his gaze.

"what?" Dianna asked looking up at me.

Shed noticed my movement.

I held up finger: "hold on."

She nodded.

Chris was staring intently at santannas chest.

"santanna," he began, "did you…did you…get your boobs done?"

"um yeah," she admitted.

They looked bigger.

"oh," dianna whispered.

"but why?" tina asked also looking.

"I wanted to be noticed. Which the coach didn't like."

"oh. Wow."

"that is really sad."

"hey I could've whored myself."

"have you?" puck asked quietly.

"no."


	22. Friday Sept 13th: Rachel

**Rachel**

During rehearsal dianna put her hand over her mouth and ran out of the room. Chris, amber, puck and I all stood.

"ill get her," puck said.

I looked at him; "no I will. If shes sick then shes probably in the womens restroom."

"yeah. Exactly."

"you only want to go after her so you can have-" amber pointed out.

"amber this isn't health class," mr. schue told her.

"what does he mean by that?"

"ill explain later," chris said.

"ok."

Amber looked at puck; "and not bc you care."

"hey I care."

"yeah enough to get her knocked up again," santanna said.

I looked at mr. schue; "mr. schue? Is it alrite if I go?"

"yes Rachel."

"ok."

I left the room.

I went down the quiet hall.

I wanted to spend more time w/ dianna as id been noticing her more lately. I had feelings for her. She was beautiful in a classic way. And just as distant sometimes.

Id reached the bathroom. I went in. it was cold.

"dianna?" I asked.

"go away," she said.

"its Rache."

"yeah I know."

"whats wrong?"

"im sick."

Well i knew that.

"youre not…"

"im not what?"

"youre not pregnant again are you?"

"no. I, didn't have lunch."

"oh dianna," I said backing up against the wall; "why?"

"shouldn't you be in rehearsal?"

"mr. schue said it was ok for me to go."

"oh. And the cheerleading coach says we need to lose weight."

"but youre not. Um. Fat."

"yes Rachel I know that!"

Oh.

"oh. Im sorry I hadn't meant to annoy."

"no I know its not you. Im just. Hungry."'

"well I have some cranberries in my purse if you want them."

"I don't know maybe."

"ok."

"youre not going back to rehearsal?" she asked.

"no. people need company when theyre not well."

"why are you being so nice to me?"

"because I like you dianna."


	23. Saturday Sept 21st: Ashley

Ashley

It was Saturday morning and tom, lucy, Janis, joan, ruby, ariel, Rachel, tina and my sisters and I were all at my house. It was between 11 a.m. and lunchtime. Other than tom none of them had been to my house before. Evan and tom had picked them up since they could each have 4 people in their cars. Lucy went w/ rose when we got to my place and tom went w/ alexa.

I knew ruby and ariel from working at the strip club and also from school. I knew Janis and joan from school. Janis and joan were also amandas friends. Ruby and ariels sisters were amandas friends as well. Amanda, Louisa, marie and anna were out somewhere. Wed just come in. they all were looking around.

"you know you can sit down," I told them.

"oh. Well ok. Thank you," tina said politely going over to the sunken living room and sitting in one of the big white sofas.

Rachel followed w/ ariel and ruby following them.

"hey nice house," Janis said.

"thank you," I said.

"it's big. im going to get something to drink," joan said.

"that it is. Ok kitchens right through there."

She left.

"so how do you know Ashley?" tina asked ariel.

I noticed that Rachel was looking at ariel.

"from work. And you?" ariel answered.

"oh what do you do? And I don't really but she invited me over here previously this week. I guess she doesn't know a lot of people here other than you and her family. Er. Obviously."

"yeah. We work in a strip club. What do you do?"

"oh. I don't. I mean work. Im an artist."

"oh wow."

"and im a star," Rachel said: "well im going to be. Are you guys coming to sectionals? You should. And the ballet that Ashley and I are in. and cabaret which im going to be in."

"well youre definitely not shy," Janis said.

"no just not all that popular."

"um we might. What ballet? Whens sectionals?" ariel asked.

"Dracula. And the 28th."

"oh. Thanks for inviting us."

"ballets so pretty," tina said.

"yeah it is. But its hard," I said.

"yeah I know."

"ok so whos hungry?" Janis asked standing.

"oh I am," tina said also standing.

I then realized I was as well: "as am I."

I hadn't yet sit down so I didn't have to stand. Which worked out.

We made our way into the kitchen. Well except for ariel and Rachel.

"does Rachel inform everyone shes a star?" Janis asked.

"yeah im beginning to think so," I said.

"shes very driven. And no shes not shy," tina said.

"yes well we can see that," joan said.

From the living room we heard the opening of 'cabaret' from 'cabaret'.

"well shes talented ill give her that," I said.

"yes yes she is," tina said.

"hey we should've invited jimi then he could play his guitar for us all," Janis said.

I remembered seeing him around school.

"he seems cool," I said.

"yeah he is. Hes really nice."

"maybe I will," joan said pulling out her phone.

Tina looked at me waiting.

"you can help yourselves to anything that's in here," I told them.


	24. Chapter 24

From upstairs we heard kate getting sick. We all looked ceiling wards.

"what was that?" tina asked.

"um. A noise," Rachel said.

"wwell I knew that."

"then whyd you ask?"

"that was my sister kate," I told them.

"oh. She ok?" tina asked.

"yeah shes fine happens all the time. She has cancer. So obviously shes not like you know. All that fine but we're used to it, so."

"right got it."

"ok."

They started opening the cabinets looking for food.

"when does the drinking start?" Janis asked.

"when it starts getting dark. My brother should be around somewhere…."

"oh."

"girl loves her soco," joan informed me.

"oh."

"that's a long way off," Rachel said.

"yeah I know."


	25. Pre Dance Drinks

It was an hr. after it had gotten dark and we were all sitting in the room marie and I shared drinking. Jesse and Karen were out somewhere. Evan was at the house. The dance wouldn't start for awhile but we were dressed in our clothes for the dance since we figured it would be easier this way. Janis was putting away the soco I was drinking fireball and Rachel was drinking wine bc it was classier.

"wow you really know how to put away a drink," I told Janis.

"yeah I know. I love my soco," she said.

"I like jack and coke myself," joan said.

"and I like guiness," tina said drinking some.

"god this is good," lily said drinking her cocktail of pineapple and squirt: "it's creamy."

Ariel laughed. Ruby else looked at her.

"what?" ariel asked.

"creamy," ruby told her.

"only you would think of that," I said.

"yeah you're a bit drunk," Rachel said slightly drunk herself.

"you guys let's not get too drunk before the dance. We aren't going to show up drunk as all hell," Janis said.

"oh like you should talk," joan said.

"yeah and that's exactly why," Janis replied annoyed.

"sounds like a plan. Ok," tina said not getting involved.

"I'm surprised you haven't fallen down yet," lily said looking at Janis.

"yeah I'm built like a freakin tank I swear," Janis replied.

"she drinks a lot," joan informed Janis.

"yeah she's not the only one," I muttered.

"you drink a lot too?"

"no I uh. Used to back when I lived in the city."

"oh."

"ok no more for you honey," I told Janis reaching over and taking her glass: "I'll finish up."

"ok," she said not protesting which I thought she would.

"how we doin in there?" Evan called to us.

"alrite. Janis is done for now," I told him.

"ok."

"oh god," lily said looking less than well.

"you alrite?" I asked looking at her.

"I think I'm um. Also. Done for now."

"ok that's fine. Good call."

I took her drink and drank some of it myself.

"hey so we're going to. Get some air. We'll tell your brother," Janis informed me standing.

"yeah we'll be back," lily told me.

"ok," I said.

They left.

"she gets really irritable when she's drunk," joan informed us.

"yeah I noticed," I said.

"I like this wine," Rachel said.

"yeah merlots a great winter wine."


	26. Ready For The Dance

Ashley

It was a few hrs later and we were all ready for the dance. It was semiformal so you could be as dressed up as you wanted but you had to be somewhat dressed up. Rose, Hannah and lily were all wearing long, long sleeve dresses rose in green Hannah in black and lily in white. They often worse those colors. Ariel was in seafoam long, long sleeve dress. Rachel was in a cute vivid blue short strapless w/ a poufy skirt. Tina was in a black figure fitting sleeveless. I was in a dress similar to tinas but pink. We often wore these colors. Janis was in a yellow sundress that had roses on it. And joan was in black leather.

Before we left evan, tom, jesse and karen had all taken photos of us. Evan was now taking us to the school in the van. I knew that Janis and joan and jimi would be performing at the dance.

Lily had on a lily necklace and smelled like them rose had on an emerald rose and smelled like lilacs.

"I like your necklace," Rachel who had a star one on told rose.

Rose smiled: "thank you my moms name was emerald. She passed when I was young. She was English as well. I like yours too."

"yeah stars are my thing."

"hey I like your dress. And your pearls," I told Janis hwo was wearing them.

She smelled like roses.

"thank you. Yeah yellow rose of texas that's me. I was born there. And sometimes im called pearl. You look good in pink."

"Thank you."

As usual she had bracelets up and down her arms.

Ariel had on a seashell necklace.

"I like your necklace," I told her.

"thank you. I love the ocean," she said.

She smelled like it.

For the Halloween dance everyone would be wearing their Halloween costumes. The winter dance was formal.

We drove by joans and picked up her friend jimi. He was in black carrying his guitar.

"hey," I said when he entered the van.

"hey jimi," he said looking my way.

"Ashley nice to meet you."

"yeah you too."

The others introduced themselves.

Tom was back at the house and alexa had decided not to come since she couldn't find anything to wear and she wasn't much for dances.

Ruby was also in the van.

Evan pulled up in front of the school. Before we got out he turned to me.

"hey if you need a ride back," he began.

"yeah well call or text," Hannah told him.

"ok."

"you know one of my dads could pick us up. They don't live too far," Rachel said.

"as could our moms. Actually I think your mom might know them haley and kerry? They also don't live too far," Janis told him.

"ill ask if she does," evan said.

"or my mom," ruby said.

"ok Rachel Janis ruby ill need your addresses and contact info," evan told them.

"ok."

Other than Rachel Janis and ruby the rest of us got out.

"everyone have their tickets and money?" evan asked.

"yeah."

"ok have fun."

We got out into the dark night.

"hey I have to go meet cherie, lita, Jackie and vicki and set up," jimi said.

"ok," I called as he went up the long sidewalk to the school.

I wondered who cherie, lita, Jackie and vicki were.

"theyre in the band," joan said answering my unasked question.

"oh," I said.

"actually I should go meet up w/ them as soon as Janis is finished…."

The van door had been left open.

In the distance to our right the school lights were on.

Lucy was w/ us too.

"my sisters in there too. Somewhere. Shes 15. I should go find her," she said.

Lucy was 17.

"ok," I said.

She left rose going w/ her.

"hey you guys should come hear me sing at the coffee shop," Rachel said.

"the one on Monaco and evans?" I asked.

"uh huh. Its oct. 5th at 7. Its an open mic night. And cabarets in November."

"ok. Btw draculas the 29, 30, 31st and nov 1st," I informed everyone.

And the Halloween dance was oct. 30th.

"im hungry," Janis said.

There would be food inside.

It sure was taking everyone a long time to come out of the van.

"hey I want to talk to you guys. Ashley will you excuse us? You too Hannah. And ruby and ariel," lily said.

"yeah of course."

She Rachel walked away.

"oh crap," Janis said looking at her phone.

She looked back up: "um ill be inside."

"ok," I said.

Everyone else came out of the van and we went inside and made our way to the gym.


	27. Meeting Amber, Puck, Ben

Ashley

We were now in the gym. Wed already given the ticket takers our tickets. Rachel went to go talk to their friends and Janis, joan and jimi went to talk to theirs. The gym had crepe paper hanging from the ceiling and leaves and apples taped to the walls. There was a food table and stage at one end where the do a college guy was. Next to the food table was a punch table. The gym was dark other than the orange yellow and red lights.

I wandered over to the punch table and poured myself some punch. A cute pretty African american young woman in yellow was also standing there. Her earrings were big hoops and her shoes were heels. Her dress was a '50's style one w/ a large circumference.

"hi I like your dress," I told her.

She smiled: "thanks. I like yours too. Im amber. Are you joining the club?"

"thank you. Ashley. And what club?"

"the glee club."

"oh. No."

"oh. Nice to meet you."

"yeah you too."

She left.

I sipped my punch and noticed Hannah talking to 2 guys. Theyd all started dancing.

Ruby and ariel had also started dancing. Lucy and rose were standing talking to a beautiful dark girl who I presumed was lucys sister.

I was standing there not doing much of anything when a tall tan guy in black came over to me and poured himself some punch. He looked me up and down.

"hey I really like your dress. You look hot," he told me.

"thank you you look good too. Im Ashley btw," I said.

"puck good to meet you."

"yeah you too."

"hey would you want to dance w/ me tonight?"

"yeah ok," I said.

"you joinin the club?" he asked.

"youre the 2nd person whos asked ambers the 1st. And no."

"oh."

He smelled like cologne and body heat.

"well if you'll excuse me. Ill see you around," he told me.

"yeah sure."

He went to talk to jimi.

A tall guy who was pale w/ dark red hair came over to me.

"hi can I get you some. Oh never mind," he said realizing I already had punch.

"its ok," I told him.

"um."

He seemed shy.

"im Ashley," I said.

"ben nice to meet you."

"yeah you too. Hey I think theyre about to start," he said looking towards the stage.


	28. Chapter 20

Ashley

A tall guy in black pants a white shirt and black vest stepped onto the stage. It was dark behind him but I could make out 8 figured behind him.

"hi everyone. I'm mr. schue Spanish teacher here at south for those who don't know. And these are the new directions," he said.

He stepped back and a spotlight shown on the group. Amber, Rachel, tina and dianna were up there along w/ another blonde and a brunette. Puck and another 2 guys were up there. The guys had dark hair. That made for 3 guys and 6 girls. They clearly needed more guys. They began w/ the beatles 'all my loving' then went into 'I don't want to miss a thing'. and after 'steal my kisses', 'I cant make you love me', 'at last' and 'girls just wanna have fun'. they then went into 'lets hear it for the boy', 'beauty and the beast', 'hakuna matata', 'can you feel the love tonight', 'boys of summer' and ended w/ 'don't stop believin'.

'I don't want to miss a thing' 'I cant make you love me' and 'can you feel the love tonight' were all slow dances while the rest weren't. the crowd went wile during 'don't stop believing'.

During 'boys of summer' be n drummed his fingers on the tabletop. He had a good sense of rhythm.

"you have a good sense of rhythm," I told him looking at him.

"thank you and youre a good dancer," he said.

"thank you."

During 'I don't want to miss a thing' he went "oh this is such a great song."

"yeah I know. It is," I said.

During 'can you feel the love tonight' I took him by the hands led him out onto the floor and we started slow dancing. I noticed that Hannah was dancing w/ one of her friends and rose and lucy were dancing together. Janis and jimi were dancing together. During the first 4 slow songs ben and I hadn't danced together so I decided we would on the 5th one.

When they were done mr. schue came back onstage.

"thank you. Again the new directions. Be sure to come to our next show which is the 28th. And now for my next act the runaways."

Joan and a feathery blonde and another blonde and 3 brunettes got onstage. The feathery blonde was in a corset.

"hi im joan and these are the runaways cherie, lita, Jackie and vicki. Alrite now whos ready to rock?"

They got out their guitars and started playing.

Within a few mins puck came back to me and stood next to me. He was warm.

"hey good job," ben told him.

"thank you. Im puck btw," puck replied.

"hey ben. Nice to meet you."

"yeah you too. Is it cool if I dance w/ your lady here?"

"uh well were not together but yeah."

"ok cool thanks."

"sure."

Ben went elsewhere.

The runaways performed 'I love playing w/ fire', 'I love rock and roll', 'cherry bomb', 'crimson & clover', 'kiss me deadly', 'wild one', 'born to run' and 'you drive me wild'. again the crowd went wild. Everyone liked rock.

During 'crimson n clover' puck and I danced.

"damn theyre good," puck said.

"yeah I know they really are," I said.

"do you want some more punch?"

Id already had 4 cups.

"yeah ok."

He poured me some more punch. It tasted different than usual slightly bitter and strong.

After them Janis and her band the holding company performed. They performed' piece of my heart' and 'woman left lonely', among others. They were also good.

then jimi performed. He performed 'something', 'while my guitar gently weeps' and 'come together', among others. He was good as well.

Then he and Janis performed. then puck did then Rachel then puck and Rachel. After that it was back to the dj.


	29. Post Dance Drinks

Post dance drinks

It was later that night nearing midnight and we were all at my place drinking again. Jesse, karen, kate, anna and karen's friend pam were all at the hospital where kate was having a blood transfusion. Evan was at our place. Along w/ the people who'd been here before were amber, chris, ben, dianna, Hannah, rose, lucy and jimi were there. Lucy was in another room as were tom and alexa. Out of everyone there tom was the oldest.

We were all in jesse's room which was bigger than anyone's. He was fine w/ us drinking in there long as we were careful. We'd all changed into more comfortable clothes. I was in a shirt puck was letting me borrow and pajama pants. Rachel was in pajama pants and a robe same w/ amber. Dianna was in those and a bra. Rose was green silk pajamas that set off her red hair. Jimi and puck were in pants but they had robes. Ben was in a shirt pants and a robe as was chris. I was letting Rachel, amber and dianna borrow my robes and pajama pants.

Janis of course was drinking soco I had fireball Rachel had wine joan had jack and coke lily had a cocktail dianna had a white Russian rose had dr. pepper and fireball tina had guiness puck and jimi had wwhiskey chris had wine Hannah had vodka and cranberry amber had dragon fruit Bacardi and ben had long island iced tea.

"aren't you like. Cold in those?" Janis asked rose.

"yeah sometimes they get cold. I've been meaning to get different ones. Like that aren't silk," rose said.

"they look really good w/ your hair," I said.

"thank you."

"wow what a dance," Rachel who was sitting w/ dianna said.

"yeah I know," joan said.

"you were very good," lily told her.

"thank you."

"yeah kindof intimidating. God you can make noise," diana told her.

"yeah I know. Always have."

"and the other girls too," tina said.

"yeah they were loud," chris said.

"yeah. They were," Hannah said.

"you know that'll get you drunk," amber told ben.

"yeah I know. And that'll get you drunk," he replied.

"yeah. I know."

"I hear it's worse than soco. Not that I've ever tried it. And soco gets you drunk," Janis said.

"try it."

"ok."

Amber poured her a cup.

"thank you," Janis said.

"well I. had a good time," I said.

"yeah wow I had no idea you could sing like that," Rachel told me.

"I don't think anyone did," joan said.

"I know I didn't," lily said.

She looked at dianna: "hey nice rack."

"thank you."

Since diannas robe was open we could all see it. And she apparently didn't seem to mind.

Rose unbuttoned a button making herself more comfortable. Tina looked at her and smiled.

"what?" rose asked her.

"you're just um. Really pretty," tina told her.

"oh well thank you."

It was true. W/ her red hair and pale skin rose was pretty.

"I think all the ladies are," puck said.

"yeah righton," jimi said.

Chris laughed.

"righton. that's such a '60's thing," he said.

"and entirely too amusing. Apparently," Hannah said looking at chris who was laughing.

"ok well he's a bee now," I said.

"what?"

"it means he's buzzing."

"oh."

"alrite I'm ready for more," Janis said halfway through her 3rd cup.

"wow you really are built like a tank," I told her.

"yeah well. I'm pretty tired."

"after all that singing I'd think so."

"but not too tired to drink more! This dragon stuff is good."

"yeah I know."

"I'll have some more too," Rachel said.

"yeah why not?" joan said: "we got nothing goin on tomorrow."

"youre right," lily said.

Dianna put her head on rachels shoulder. She looked comfortable.

Rose smiled at them.

"this is really nice," puck said.

"yeah it is," jimi said.

"the righton thing works."

"where's the restroom?" chris asked.

"down the hall," Hannah told him.

"ok. I'll be back."

He stood and left.

"yeah there aren't any arguments everyone's getting along. Even I'm agreeable," Janis said.

"yeah no one's getting sick and the people who are aren't here," I said.


	30. Sun Sept 22nd: Anna

**Anna**

I was changing into my pajamas that night when I noticed a line of light purple bruises on my left arm. After I changed I went down the long thin narrow carpeted hall and knocked on the tall wood door of the room Kate had been in.

"Yeah?" Evan called from inside.

"I need to talk to Kate."

He opened the door and stepped out, letting me.

I walked over to Kate who was on the bed.

"Katie, look," I said and showed her my arm, "we match."

Her blue eyes were full of fear and shock.

"What?" I asked.

I knew something was wrong.


	31. Sun Sept 22nd: Mandy

**Amanda**

It was a typical Sunday night for our family of 12. My 14 yr old twin sister Louisa and I were arguing in the cold, medium size kitchen, a few feet away from each other. This happened often. We were arguing about my eating disorder versus our younger sister Kate's disease which was cancer. Well leukemia actually. She'd had it since she was 2. I of course hadn't eaten dinner which also happened often.

It was between 10 and 11 that night so it was getting late. From last Thursday and untill now and the following week and the week after, my sisters rose, lily and Ashley who was 17 had ballet 2x a day from 5 - 7 a.m. and p.m. and then Ashley had her job at the bookstore w/ Hannah which ended at 10. Theyd been home since.

Ashley wafted through the room not saying a word. She was letting us work things out on our own which is why she stayed quiet. She opened the white fridge which was a few feet behind me. I didn't have to look to know she was taking out a large green bottle of Canada Dry marked 'Kate' in black Sharpie not even looking at us just beelining for the soda. This happened a lot which was how I knew without looking. The fact that she was so focused on getting the soda made it clear it was about Kate and not us. After she took the soda and the fridge quickly closed she went back upstairs from where shed came.

Of course. It was always about Kate.

Kate was probably sick again which is why Ashley'd gotten the Canada dry out of the fridge. It was for Kate's nausea. We also had cranberry juice for that same purpose. When Mom or Dad [who Ashley, alexa, hanna, rose, lily and marie reffered to as karen and jesse being that they weren't their biological parents] weren't here Ashley took over kept things together. And when Ashley wasn't here Alexa took over. Lily, Hannah, alexa and rose were all 16. Marie, Louisa and i were 14. Kate was 13, Anna was 10 and Evan was 18.

"No Amanda. I'm not going to let you do this to yourself!" Louisa shouted to me.

"Well, what if I want to?" I countered back.

"Do you want to die? End up like Kate?"

I already was slowly dying but other than our older brother Evan, who was 19 and had his own place, no one seemed to take much notice. I was dying bc of my eating disorder which I'd had for a year now ever since I found out about….the secret. Ever since I knew what happened to me.

"_I_ don't have cancer! _She_ does. Hers is purely physical," I pointed out.

"Yeah well, you have some of the same symptoms."

I knew Louisa was right. Both Kate and I had nausea and dizziness.

"She doesn't have a choice. I do."

"Well, not any more," Louisa told me.

She was right.

When Louisa told me she wasn't going to let me do this to myself she meant she was going to do everything she could to help me live. As was my body. It's not so much that I wanted to die as I wanted to not be here.

_It was a year ago. I was 13._

_i ran out of the hotel and onto the sidewalk into the dark. I ran down the cement sidewalk as far from the hotel as I could get. I kept running until I bumped into the solid body of someone tall. The night was dark and cold._

_"Oh," I said having no idea who I'd bumped into, "sorry."_

_I remembered to be polite in my time of distress._

_"That's alrite," he said._

_"I,um. I need to find a bathroom."_

_My fingers itched for a razorblade._

_"Ok there's one in the hotel."_

_"No not that hotel I can't go back there!"_

_"Ok ok we'll go to another one calm down," he told me putting his arm around me._

_I shrugged it off: "don't you touch me!"_

Although I didn't know it at the time I was already experiencing symptoms of PTSD.

_His arm slipped off._

_He held his hands up in defense: "ok ok."_

_"And I'm not going to a hotel with you."_

_I didn't trust guys after what'd just happened to me. Understandably. _

_"Look, miss," he began._

_"Amanda," I supplied._

_"Right, Amanda. For some reason you won't go back to the hotel you just came from. Now my family and I are staying in one further up the road. Where there'r bathrooms. You comin or not?"_

I now had a decision to make.

Other than the guy I'd bumped into the night it happened and 4 of Ashley's friends from the city - Lily, Reenah, Miranda and Scarlette who I'd gotten ahold of via email - no one knew about the secret. Not even Evan. Not even Louisa. It was a hard thing to tell someone and weighty too.

And by 'the city' I mean new York which was where Ashley lived up untill our parents rescued her a year ago from her abusive dad and good thing too. And then brought her here to cherry creek where we lived in Denver, CO. my mom and her friends had grown up in Connecticut dad in Rhode island. Her mom had passed when she was little. They were originally from New Orleans and then moved to Brooklyn. Ashley's last name was Jenkins.

_Id been sick lately. And not just bc of the eating disorder. Id started getting sick a month after the incident. After what happened. I didn't eat on purpose. I couldn't. why should I help something grow that was a product of something that painful? Maybe the less I ate the less id grow. And the less whatever was growing inside me would. it's a horrible thought I know. Id emailed Ashley's friend scarlette about this and she understood. She was going through the same thing herself. Louisa walked in on me one day being sick. Asking if there was anything she could do. And id told her no. I wanted to deal w/ this on my own even though I knew eventually it would destroy me. Even more than it already had._


	32. Sun Sept 22nd: Evan: Mandy Tells Me

**9 p.m.**

**Evan**

It was later that night, raining. I was sitting on my balcony perched on the edge of the short cement wall, smoking and watching the storm. I blew white smoke rings into the sky. From somewhere very far away came the sound of hands pounding on my door. I didn't register the sound at first.

"Evan!" she shouted.

"Hang on," I yelled back.

I got to my feet and walked through the balcony doorway and into the small living room, where I opened the tall white metal door to find Amanda standing there on the carpet, wet. 'there' being the long thin narrow hallway outside my apt.

"Evan I have to talk to you," she said.

She was crying clearly upset.

"Ok what's going on?"

"I hate myself."

"Mandy I know you're upset but-"

"No," she said, looking at me her blue eyes wide, "you don't understand."

"Alrite come in. You want some tea?" I asked her.

"No I do not want some tea. I want you to sit down and fukin listen!" she shouted.

I collapsed onto my rectangular black leather couch after letting her in and then closing my door. She stood in front of me, pacing the length of the room.

"My body killed it Evan," she told me.

"Omygod," I whispered, horrified.

"When was 12 I got pregnant."

"Got?" I whispered my eyes wide; "as in?"

She was assaulted?

"Yes Evan. It wasn't my choice. And instead of carrying the baby to full term, somehow, my body fukin killed it."

"Oh. My god."

"That's why I don't eat. That's...that's why," she calmed down a bit, "I do this.".

She collapsed onto the couch next to me and lifted the bottom of her black silk blouse. On her stomach were hundreds of burns and cuts.

"Omygod. Mandy."

There were no words for this.

She collapsed into my arms and started to cry. I stroked her hair and back. Outside it was raining heavily. She smelled good like rain and perfume.

I was in shock. She was so. Beautiful. And sweet. And thin. Stylish, classy. I knew she didn't eat. We all did even if no one but Ashley and I took much notice. But I hadn't known she cut until now. hadn't connected everything untill. Now.

We sat there in silence.

After about an hour the power went out. Amanda sat up to stand to turn the lights back on.

"It's ok. I got candles."

I flicked my small metal zippo open and a flame came up. Amanda reached for it. I flicked it closed.

"No Amanda," I told her.

It was later that night. Mandy was now awake, wrapped in the green wool blanket, drinking a mug of warm tea. It was very quiet.

After I'd learned Mandy wanted to burn herself with my zippo I'd gone to the fuse box and flipped a switch that made the power come back on, taking the zippo with me. Lights brightly flooded my apartment. It'd stopped raining. The balcony door was closed and locked, the blinds drawn across it.

"Thanks again for the tea," she told me.

"Of course," I replied.

"And...thanks for listening when I was so...fuked up."

I leaned forward and locked eyes with her.

"Mandy. You're not fuked up. I'm the one who sets fires here remember?" I joked.

She smiled.

"You're confused. Upset. Hurt. Not crazy. Sure, yeah, maybe misunderstood but not crazy. Look at Einstein. He was misunderstood."

"Yeah but he was also brilliant."

"Exactly. That's. Exactly my point. How many times did it happen?"

"Once. Well, once that I could see it. Random men...kidnapped me, brought me to motels..."

"Oh."

She took a sip of tea and breathed.

"I can't..."

go into it.

"It's ok," I said softly.

I stood up.

"I'm gonna go downtown for a bit," I told her.

She looked up at me.

"At this hour?" she asked in surprise.

"Yeah. I'll take my jeep."

"Nothing's open Evan."

"Yeah I know. But I gotta walk around a bit. Clear my head.

"Ok."

"You gonna be ok here?"

She nodded, taking another sip of tea.

"Yeah. I think so."

"Ok well, call if you need. You can listen to my ipod...pop in a cd. Watch tv. Hey you can even watch _I Love Lucy_."

Both Anna and Kate liked that show.

Mandy smiled.

"Ok."

"I might be gone for a few hours."

"Ok."

I went around the apartment, making sure all the outside windows and doors were locked.

Then I left.


	33. Mon Sept 23rd: Rachel

Rachel

Dianna and I were at my house making out in my room that night. Shed come home w/ me after rehearsal.

"girls, din-" my dad john said opening my door.

Dianna and I pulled apart.

"dad!" I said.

"oh Rachel. Its ok im just glad to see you have a new friend. Anyway I came up here to let you know dinners ready," he said.

Dianna looked taken aback; "im. Im allowed to stay for dinner?" she asked.

Dad looked at her; "of course honey. Why wouldn't you be? We love having you stay as long as you want. Or. Need."

"I just. Its so weird bc when I was pregnant living in my friends car and told him he wasn't the father he. Um. I couldn't live there any more. He. Kicked me out. As did my dad."

I looked at her; "well this is much better than a car."

"its much bigger too," dad put in.

"so. I mean. youre not gonna kick me out?"

"I understand why youd think that but no were not."

"cmon. Lets go have dinner," I said.

"I. that's ok im not hungry," dianna said.

"well I still want you to come down."

"ok."

We all left my room went down the stairds into the kitchen and sat down to dinner.

"what are we having?" I asked.

"inidian food," my dad aaron said.

I took some from the big pot and put it on my plate then passed it to dianna.

"dianna? Whats wrong isn't it good?" aaron asked.

"oh no its very good mr….um. Berry. Im just im not hungry."

"oh. Well ok. Well make sure to save some for leftovers if you get hungry later."

"ok."

* * *

That night dianna and I were lying in bed. We heard my dads talking downstairs.

"im a little worried about dianna," aaron said.

"yeah I know me too. She didn't eat dinner," john said.

"maybe she just needs time."

"she sure looked hungry."

"don't push it."

"I didn't say I was going to. And. Im not."

"ok. Or maybe shes afraid of food being taken away from her like everything else was."

"what she needs now is stability. Oh and understanding."


	34. Mon Sept 23rd: Kate

I'd left dinner early because again, I was sick. Mom, Dad and Ashley were questioning Rose about her newest jewelry, clothes and shoes. As a distraction I got sick. I immediatly took off, with Rose following. This happened at 5. I'd been in the bathroom, nauseous, bleeding and generally sick since. It was now 7. Light footsteps came down the hall and a knock came on the door.

"Anna?" I asked, hoping it was.

"No, it's Ashley," my 17 year old sister replied.

"Oh."

"Kate you alrite in there?"

I thought this a fairly obvious question given I was sick.

"I'm sick," I stated.

"Are you bleeding?"

"Yeah."

"Ok I'll get you some ginger ale."

"Anna?"

"No, I already told you-oh, you want me to get Anna?"

"Mmmhmm."

"Ok honey."

I heard Ashley walk down the hall in the direction of the room Anna and I shared.

"Kate?" Anna asked.

"Come in."

My 10 year old sister opened the door and came in, closing the door behind her.

"Hey," she said.

"Hi. I-" I vomited into the toilet - "need to go to the hospital. I need more platelets."

Anna nodded: "Ok I'll get Mom."

I nodded. She left.

What I really meant was that I needed a blood transfusion from Anna.


	35. Tues Sept 24th: Anna

**Anna**

I'd just finished a flip on the beam when I wavered, moving back and forth. I landed on a large blue plastic mat on the floor.

"Anna," my coach said, coming over to me, leaning over me: "are you ok?"

A wave of tiredness washed over me.

"I'm just really tired," I replied

Her dark blue eyes wandered my face: "can you do one more?"

I sat up: "no. I don't think so."

"Ok. Your dad's waiting."

"Ok."

I stood up and went to the locker room where I changed and stuffed my gymnastics clothes into my bag. I walked out to the front entrance where my dad was waiting.

"Hey hun," he said: "how was it?"

"Ok I guess."

He opened the front door for me and we stepped outside into the waiting white van, the sunlight washing over us as we climbed in. We clipped on our seatbelts and I dropped my bag on the floor.

"You alrite?" Dad asked peering at me.

"I'm just really tired."

"Hungry?"

"No, not really."

"Oh. Ok."

I settled back against the passenger seat.

"I think I might just go to sleep when we get home," I said as Dad backed out of the parking space.

"You don't want dinner?"

"No. I haven't had much of an appetite lately."


	36. Tues Sept 24th: Dianna: Pregnant Again

**Dianna**

It was later that day. I was in one of the women's restrooms. The lights in the school had come back on.

In my fingers I held a long thin flat white plastic stick. It was a pregnancy test. A plus sin appeared in the little window.

It was either Puck or Cory's


	37. Wed Sept 25th: Dianna: telling cory

_Dianna_

_Cory and I were sitting on the grass to the side of his car that day. It was sunny and warm._

"_um. I have something to tell you," I began._

"_yes go ahead," he told me._

"_I. uh. The babys not yours."_

"_what?"_

_He was shocked._

"_the baby it.s not. Yours," I repeated slowly._

"_no I know what you said im just in disbelief. Then whose is it?"_

"_its. Pucks actually."_

"_oh," cory stood, "of course it is."_

"_I have to go find puck. You. I cant let you stay with me anymore."_

"_what?"_

_Now I was the one in disbelief._


	38. Thurs Sept 26th: Dianna

Dianna

It was thurs sept 26th and glee club rehearsal had just ended. Everyone else was filing out but Rachel stayed.

"um," she said hesitantly.

"yeah what do you want?" I asked my hormones getting the best of me.

Id spent most of the day crying and not only cause of that. But bc I didn't have anywhere to go. Id been living at corys for awhile ever since hed told my parents I was pregnant the 1st time and theyd kicked me out. But then yesterday at lunch when id told him the 2nd baby wasnt his hed kicked me out. So I was worried upset and drained.

"sorry I just. I know you spent most of the day crying and that you and cory arent on good terms and I was just wondering. Um. If you had anywhere to go and if you didn't do you want to stay at my place?" Rachel asked.

"well um….for how long?"

"as long as you need. Itll get colder eventually."

"um. Ok."

"ok. So then its settled youre staying w/ me. My dads and ive already agreed on this."

I wondered why Rachel was being so nice to me.

"why are you being so nice to me?" I asked.

"bc I like you," she answered.


	39. Fri Sept 27th: Dianna

Fri. sept 27th

Dianna

I hadn't slept well the previous night w/ my current pregnancy causing insomnia. I always slept weird in a new place. And I frequently woke from rather unfavorable dreams. And that's putting it mildly. Each time I woke I knew something was different a good different. Weird though. It was that Rachel was right there comforting and being nice to me.

Rachels dads had made us breakfast which I guess according to her they usually did. It was good. Sometimes in my house I was on my own for breakfast. And then we drove to school together. Well rather she drove. In her car. Which was also nice. And still weird. I wondered how long it would take for it not to be.

At school a few people noticed wed become friends. Rachel sang more. Well she sang around me more. That night before dinner I was worried her dads would kick me out. Her dads had been really nice and warm to me. At dinner Rachel told me she loved me.

Also before dinner her dad walked in on us making out.

After dinner I fell asleep and she woke me w/ kisses.


	40. Sat Sept 28th

**Saturday**

It was Saturday. We were all in the choir room waiting for Mr. Schue to come in. Everyone was talking. It had snowed yesterday and today. It was cold, white and gray outside. The leaves had fallen off the trees indicating winter. Serena was at ballet then she had work tonight and ballet tomorrow morning. The dance committee had had a meeting at lunch, discussing the Halloween dance. We'd brought in our decorations, lighting and music. We'd talked about the winter formal, then went to sell the baked goods as we did every day at lunch. Mandy decided she'd rather sell them than eat them.

Yesterday Lily had slept all day because she'd been hungover from drinking.

Mr. Schue came in, sitting in his usual blue plastic chair at the center of the room.

"I have another assignemnt," he said.

We looked at him expectently.

"I want you to sing ballads to each other. Does anyone know what a ballad is?"

"It's a male duck," Diana said.

The group laughed.

"That's a mallard Dianna," Cory told her.

"I know."

She smiled.

"A ballad's a love song," Rachel said.

"No, not neccessarily," Mandy said.

"It's a song that expresses emotion," Amber said.

"Isn't every song?" Chris asked.

"Not to state the obvious but...yes," Adam asked.

"Not, in the way other songs do," Mr. Schue said.

"Frankie Valli and the 4 Seasons did a lot of pop ballads," Brian said.

"Yes, they did."

"I'll sing one with Santana," Brittany said.

"I'll sing with Ashley," Puck said.

"He won't let us do that. Remember last time?" Tina reminded the group.

I wondered how she knew this.

"Oh yeah that's right," Mike said.

"Tina's absolutely right," Mr. Schue told us.

"So who's with who?" Santana asked.

"Dianna, you're with Cory...Rachel, you're with Mandy, Amber and Adam. Chris and Brian. Brittany and Puck, Santana and Tina, Mike and Leo, and ...wow Ashley I don't have anyone for can pick someone."

"Ben," I said, looking over at him.

He was cute. Fair with deep blue eyes, shy. He smiled at me.

"Ok. I want you guys to pick a song. Now I'd like to hear what songs you've chosen for the assignment, and why. Dianna, you're up first."


	41. Sun Sept 29th: Evan: Kate

Evan

I'd gone to the house than to the grocery store then back to the house then to the hospital where I now was.

After id gone grocery shopping I came back to the house put the groceries away and then went back to the hospital where I was now.

It was later that night. I was in Kate's room. Everyone else but her and I were asleep. Her IV was still unplugged.

"Katie," I said quietly; "why are you doing this?"

"Because I'm tired of waiting for something that's going to happen anyway. I'm tired of waiting to die. It's so exhausting."

"Don't you understand they're doing everything they can to help you _live_?"

"Well. What if I don't want them to? If Mom dies then I won't have a mother figure...we still haven't heard anything. Aunt Kate's dead and I wish _so damn badly_ I'd met her. I love Dad, you know that but with Mom..."

"It's different. Yeah I know."

"Maybe when I die Mandy can get better."

"Ohhh. Just like if I set enough fires you'll..."

"Not have cancer?"

"Yeah. Fire's hope, in a weird way."

"No, I get it."

"It's not so much that you don't want to die it's that you don't want to live like this."

"Well of course I don't want to live like this! Who in the hell would?"

-XXX-

Rebecca and id talked about Kate's and my's conversation regarding why shed pulled her iv out. Id told Rebecca I was frustrated and felt helpless and wanted to do more to help her. Rebecca pointed out that I couldn't make her want to live. She was right.


	42. Sun Sept 29th: Jesse

**Jesse**

After Tom brought me some coffee, he left. Evan had also left.

A doctor we knew came walking down the long narrow white tile hall. He was tall w/ dark hair and eyes. He was my height 5'6.

"Mr. Fitzgerald," he said when he reached me.

"Yes?" I asked, standing; "How's Kate?"

"Come with me," he said.

I knew enough about doctors to know that they never gave you bad news in the waiting room.

I followed him down the hallway into an operating room. A curtain was pulled between the bed Kate was resting in and the one Anna was resting in.

"You might want to sit down for this," he told me.

He pulled 2 uncomfortable dark blue plastic chairs over and sat in one. I sat in the other.

"Unfortunatey the transfusion didn't go as well as we'd hoped. Both your daughters are asleep right now."

"What does this mean?" I asked.

"Because Kate's been so sick lately her immune system's down," the doctor answered.

I already knew this was why Kate had gotten the flu several times, because her body couldn't fight off infection.

"Which means that her system started attacking Anna's blood."

I knew Karen would want to know about the platelets.

"We did, however, give her more platelets to make up for the blood loss."

"Ok."

"We also filtered her neutrophils and lymphocytes in order to kill off some of the ones that were making her sick."

I nodded.

"She'll probably be sick for awhile because her body's trying to get used to this."

I nodded, again.

"We havent' weighed her yet but my guess is that she's lost about 10 to 20 pounds."

"More?" I asked.

"Yes, Mr. Fitzgerald."

"What else can you do for her? How's Anna?"

"Well, we're going to keep Kate here for a few days. Once she wakes up we'll weigh her."

I nodded.

"Is there anyone else you know of who might be a potential match?"

"My son," I replied.

"Ok. We'll need for him to take a blood test. Is he here?"

"Yeah. How's Anna?" I repeated my previous question.

"She's ok, really tired. We found a few bruises on her while we were operating. Do you know about this?"

"No. What about Amanda?" I asked.

"I'm not the person to talk to about that. I'll have Alice page Dr. Marcus."

"Ok, thank you." I said, standing.

The doctor stood as well.

"You're welcome."

-XXX-

I followed Alice down the hall, into a silver elevator, to the next floor and into an empty room where we both sat down. She had dark hair and eyes. She was Karen's height 5'4. She was big and pillowy.

"Mr. Fitzgerald," she said.

"Yes. How's Amanda?" I asked.

"She's lost quite a bit of weight, about 20 to 30 pounds. She used to be 112."

Which was 2 pounds more than Kate had been the last time she'd been hospitalised.

I did the quick calculations in my head, discovering Amanda now weighed 92 or 82 and Kate weighed 90 or 80.

"But that would make her..." I said.

"92 or 82 pounds, yes."

No wonder she'd felt so light.

"Has she been taking diet pills?" Alice asked me.

"No, not that I'm aware of."

"She passed out because she didn't have enough oxygen in her brain due to lack of eating."

I nodded.

"Has she had her period yet?"

Alice had said 'yet'. Not asked when was the last time Amanda had her period. I knew, a few weeks after Kate's 13th birthday she'd gotten hers.

"Well, we have boxes of tampons and pads in our bathrooms, so I presume so."

"Her BMI is about 14, Mr. Fitzgerald, which signals a problem."

Amanda was about 5'3. I knew BMI was calculated by your weight and height. She had a lower BMI than most women her age which is why it was a problem.

"When my son and I found Amanda in the bathroom she was wrapped in blankets, shivering."

Alice nodded, then asked: "how has her sleeping been?"

"Ever since she turned 13 Amanda's always had a strange sleeping schedule. Some days she'd sleep instead of being awake."

"Mmmhmm. What about leg pain?"

"I don't know."

"How has her concentration been lately?"

"Well, sometimes it will take her a minute or 2 to answer a question."

"Mr. Fitzgerald," Alice said, leaning forward, "when a person stops eating their body forces them to stay awake in search for food. It's an evolutionary tactic. As you know, food makes you warmer, which is why she was shivering."

I nodded.

"The insomnia you've described is due to the evolotuinary tactic. I asked about leg pain because when a person stops eating, after awhile their leg muscles will hurt due to lack of nutrients."

"Oh. What can you do for her?" I asked.

"Well, we've got her hooked up to an IV right now that's bringing the much needed nutrients into her body. We've also given her meds to help her sleep. Unfortunately, there isn't much else we can do for her right now, as anorexia's not a purely physical illness, unlike Kate's leukemia."

Anorexia?

"Anorexia?" I asked, surprised.

"Yes Mr. Fitzgerald. We'd like to keep her here for a few days. Is there anyone else in the family who has or has had an eating disorder?"

"Karen."

"Would it be ok with you if I talked with Karen?"

I nodded, standing.

"Thank you Alice."

"Dad," Evan called as I was walking down the hall.

"Yeah?" I asked, turning around.

Rebecca was standing behind my son. Tom and Alexa were behind them.

"How is she?" Evan asked.

I knew he meant Kate, Anna and Amanda.

"Well..." I replied.

We walked down the hall to the waiting room where we arranged our uncomfortable dark blue plastic chairs in a circle.

"How's Kate, Mr. Fitzgerald?" Rebecca asked.

"Well...unfortunately, Kate's body rejected Anna's blood," I told them.

"Why?" Tom asked.

"From what the doctor said, Kate's immune system had been down, which is why Kate's body rejected the transfusion."

"Oh. What else?" Alexa asked.

"They gave her more platelets and filtered her blood cells in order to kill off some of the cells that were making her sick."

Evan, who had been following this, said "I'll do it Dad."

I looked at him; "do what?"

"If they need to do a blood test to give Kate more blood, another transfusion, I'll do it."

"Oh. Yeah I mentioned that to the doctor, that you'd be a match."

"How's Kate now?" Rebecca asked.

"Well, she'll probably be sick for awhile. They want to keep her for the next few days."

"How's Anna?" Tom asked.

"She's ok, really tired."


	43. jesse

**Jesse**

Evan and I were sitting in the waiting room when the doctor came down the hall.

"Mr. Fitzgerald," he called.

"Yes?" I called back, looking up.

"Would you come with me?"

"I'll be right back," I told Evan, standing.

"Sure," he replied.

I followed the doctor down the hall and into an empty room where we both sat.

"Mr. Fitzgerald," the doctor said.

I looked at him, waiting.

"After we gave Kate more bone marrow we discovered she had graft-versus-host."

I was familiar with this term. My sister had had it. This indicated something had happened. Something wasn't supposed to.

"My sister had that," I said.

"So you're familiar with it then."

I nodded.

"Again, Kate's body rejected Anna's marrow."

This wasn't the first time it had happened.

"Mmmhmm."

"This is another reason why Kate's immune system is down. She may become even sicker, therefore causing her to lose more weight than she already has," the doctor explained.

This was not news I wanted to hear.

"We're giving her corticosteroids via an IV in order for her body to hopefully reverse the effects."


	44. Tues Oct 1st: Dianna

Tues. oct. 1

Dianna

It was tues. oct 1st. Id had my 1st baby beth yesterday but was still pregnant w/ my 2nd. Id been pregnant for only a wk and had untill the end of may to go so that was the entire school yr.

As usual I was at rachels where id been staying the past almost wk. my throat was burning and id gotten even more tired. Shed wrapped something warm and wet around my neck and gave me something cold for my head. She had me drinking tea and taking cough drops. Wed gone to star bucks and had taken a sexy shower together.


	45. Fri Oct 4th

**Ashley**

It was several hours later when the doorbell of our house rang. I was in the kitchen stirring pasta in a giant metal pot on the square white stove.

"Hello," my dad said, opening the big tall white wood front door.

"Hi I'm Chris and this is Puck. We're here for the sleepover?" Chris introduced.

"Hi I'm Jesse, Ashley's dad. Nice to meet you both. Cmon in she's in the kitchen."

"You too," Chris said.

Dad, Chris and Puck wandered into the kitchen, Dad coming over to the giant metal pot.

"I'll take over from here honey," he told me.

"Thanks."

He took the pasta fork.

I turned around and saw Chris and Puck.

"Hey wow you're early!" I cried, going over and hugging them.

They hugged back.

"Yeah well we didn't know when you expected us, so," Chris explained.

"No this is great."

"Do you need help with anything?" Puck asked.

"That's so sweet of you hun but no we got it covered."

Chris was holding several DVDs. I peered at them trying to see the titles.

"Meet Me In St. Louis, High Society," he informed me.

"Wow. I have to say, I'm not at all surprised."

"I brought some cheesy horror flicks, Breakfast Club and Grease," Puck said.

I nodded; "very cool."

"So, where do we leave these?"

"Oh kitchen table's fine."

They put the DVDs on the round wood table, 2 plastic bins of brownies next to it.

"Oh wow, brownies," I said, my eyes widening.

"We baked," Chris explained proudly.

"Yeah I noticed."

Puck went over to the stove.

"It's nice to meet you," he told Dad, who looked at him.

"Yeah you too. How long have you known Ashley?"

"Just a few months. She's a great girl."

"Yeah she is. You 2 together?"

I smiled proudly.

"No, actually. Chris and I are. So where are you from?"

Next to me Chris also smiled.

"You 2 are so adorable," I told him.

"Thanks."

At that point Lily drifted into the kitchen, wearing white.

"Hi love. Ooh pasta," she greeted me, peering into the pot Dad was stirring.

Puck and Dad paused. Lily and Puck saw each other.

"Scuse me," Puck told Dad, who nodded.

Puck and Lily hugged.

"Puck how are you dear? How are things?" she asked him.

"Ok, and how are you?"

They went into the living room.

"She is just so sweet," Chris told me.

I looked at him and smiled; "I know why do you think we're best friends?"

"You seem pretty happy right now."

"I am I am really happy. Puck is really polite."

"Well his mom's from Texas, so. They go back often."

"Oh so that's where he gets it."

"Yeah. Thank you for inviting us."

"Oh sure no problem."

"Hola!" I heard Santana call from the white living room.

I rushed into the living room, leaving Chris and my dad in the kitchen, Lily and Puck were talking.

Santana, Amber, Rosa and Maria had entered.

"Hey," I greeted them.

"Girlfriend," Amber greeted me.

"Hey Miss Amber," I said.

"I brought my sisters hope you don't mind," Santana told me.

"So I noticed and no, I don't. Cmon in."

We hugged.

"We brought enchiladas!" Rosa told me.

"And guacomole. We, kindof got in a guacomole making frenzy earlier," Maria said.

"Oh that's ok. Yall can put it in the kitchen, which is right there," I indicated.

They went to the kitchen.

"I brought some mashed potatos, chicken and ocre," Amber told me as we walked to the kitchen.

Puck turned around; "yeah we cooked today, she and Chris and I, so that's my contribution."

"Oh well thank you."

"Yep."

He turned back around and resumed talking w/ dad.

"Girl we'll never run out of food," I told Amber as she went to the fridge and put the containers of chicken and potatos in.

"Oh I know."

She closed the fridge door and wandered over to the pasta, which she peered into.

"Everyone wants to know what's cooking," I said.

"Huh wow I know," Santana asked.

Her sisters took the food from her and put it in the fridge.

"Your fridge is getting very crowded Miss Ashley," Maria told me.

"Oh I know."

"Oooh who brought the brownies?" Rosa asked.

"We did," Chris said.

"Do you guys have pesto?" I heard Amber ask my dad.

"Yeah should be in the fridge," he replied.

"Ok."

"We brought Frida and Bella," Santana told me, placing her DVDs on top of the ones Puck and Chris had brought.

"Cool," I said.

"Dianna should be along in a few."

"Mmm ok. Have yall met my dad?"

"I have," Amber said.

Dad introduced himself to Santana, Maria and Rosa. They began talking. Chris decided to make himself a cup of tea.

I was still waiting for Brittany, Rachel, Cory, Tina and Mike.

"Great house," Chris told me, coming over to me.

"Thank you. How are you doing?" I asked.

He cupped the tea cup in his small white hands; "ok. It's nice to have some place to relax."

"Yeah it is."

"Your dad's really nice. We got to talking about cooking."

"Thanks. Yeah he is. He's really accepting too."

"Yeah I was surprised."

"Well honey after what you've been through you probably didn't expect it."

He smiled; "yeah. So where'r your sisters?"

"Um, Hannah, Alexa, Rose and Marie are elsewhere and the twins are upstairs."

"Ok. It's funny, everyone brought food of their culture...Amber and Puck, southern, Santana and her sisters, Mexican..."

"Yeah, and you, brownies. And the DVDs too, kindof."

"Mmmhmm. Oh just so you know, the brownies have nutmeg in them."

"Why?"

He smiled mysteriously, his eyes twinkling; "you'll see."

"Ok."

Everyone was talking by that point. It didn't take my dad very long to get to know people.

"Hey Ashley?" my brother called.

"Scuse me," I told Chris, who nodded.

"Yeah?" I called back.

"Will you come here a sec?"

"Ok."

I went into the living room, passing Lily on the way. Evan was standing by the wide white carpeted curving stairs.

"Yeah?" I asked, approaching him.

"It seems one of your friends brought tequila? Which I don't mind at all, since were drinking. The drinks are in the garage along with the hookah. But she was a bit pushy."

"Oh that's Santana. Yeah she's really sexual at times."

"Ok."

"You want me to talk to her about it?" I asked.

"No I was just wondering who she was."

"Oh ok. Where's Rebecca?"

"Hospital."

"Oh wow why?"

"Something's wrong with the baby."

"Shit."

"So it could be a long night for us."

"Wow."

"Yeah. Um, have you met everyone?"

"Well I know Puck, he's cool."

I nodded; "yeah definately."

"I know I met Santana. So, I'm going to go see if Dad needs help in the kitchen."

"Ok."

He wandered into the kitchen as Santana came out, followed by Chris.

"Honey," Santana asked me.

"Hm?" I replied.

"Where are your robes?"

"Um they should be upstairs, just go on up."

"Ok thanks."

"Uh huh."

She went upstairs.

I noticed Chris was sitting on the white couch right next to Puck. Chris settled back against him, drinking his tea. I smiled.

In the kitchen Amber, Maria, Rosa, Evan and Dad were chatting. I was a little worried about Santana's coming on to Evan but I figured he'd pretty much leave us alone. In the garage everything was set up for the smoking and DVD watching. The living room was quiet. I wondered if the brownies had been put in the fridge.

"Puck?" I asked.

He looked at me over the back of the couch; "yeah?"

"Has someone put the brownies in the fridge?"

"Um...idinno."

He looked at Chris; "have they?"

Chris looked up at him; "yeah honey they have."

Puck looked at me; "they have."

"I just heard that, and ok."

Lily walked out of the kitchen holding the DVDs which she put on the square black coffee table.

"You doin alrite?" she asked me.

"Yeah, thanks."

"Mmmhm, you let me know?"

"Ok I will."

She walked back into the kitchen.

I went to Puck and Chris and sat down on the other white sofa opposite them.

"Hey," Puck greeted me.

"Hi."

"She is just a doll."

"I know, and thank you."

"She is very sweet," Chris told me.

I smiled and breathed.

"It's much quieter over here," I remarked.

"Yeah, it is. So are you?" Chris asked.

"Uh...am I what?" I asked.

"Doing ok?"

"Um, yeah."

Chris looked at me, waiting patiently.

"But, Santana was kindof pushy towards my brother, so."

"Mmmhmm."

"Whose girlfriend's in the hospital because something's wrong with the baby."

"Wow."

"Yeah."

"I've been there," Puck said.

That's right, he was the father of Dianna's baby.

My brother walked out of the kitchen holding a cup of tea. He sat on the sofa next to me.

"Here thought you might want some tea," he told me.

I took it from him and smelled it. It was peppermint.

I smiled; "thanks.

"Mmmhmm. So how come you're not at work?"

"I told them I needed some time off."

"Oh ok."

"Where do you work?" Chris asked.

"Strip joint downtown," I replied.

"Oh."

Evan leaned forward.

"Hey, I'm Evan," he told Chris.

They shook hands.

"Hi, Chris nice to meet you," Chris said.

"Thanks you too."

Evan looked at Puck; "Hey, Evan."

"Puck, I think we've met before."

"Oh so we have."

Evan settled back against the white sofa cushions.

The doorbell rang.

"I'll get it," I said, standing.

I handed my tea to Evan, who took it. I went over to the door and opened it. There stood Cory, holding 4 square white pizza boxes and 2 DVDs.

"Hey cmon in," I said, stepping to the side and holding the door open so he could.

"Thanks."

He stepped inside.

"You're a pizza delivery person?" I asked, taking the boxes from him.

"Well I actually made those, with my mom. I wasn't sure to bring, so."

"No that's fine. You made those?"

My eyes widened.

"Yeah I make pizza you didn't know that?"

"Well no I didn't."

"Oh. So is there anything I can do?"

We walked into the kitchen.

"No, not really. Just make yourself comfortable," I answered, going over to the fridge and opening it.

I crouched down and put the pizza boxes on the white bottom shelf, then stood up and closed the door.

"Tina and Mike should be here in a few and I don't know when the others will be here," Cory informed me.

"Alrite, Serena or Rachel coming?" I asked

"I don't know."

"Hm ok."

At the kitchen table Amber, Rosa and Maria were playing cards. Cory looked at Lily.

"Hi you're...Lily, right?" he asked, a little unsure.

She smiled; "yes and you're Cory. How are you? It's nice to see you again."

"Right that's right. I'm ok, thank you and how are you?" he asked.

"Wow looks like you've got quite a crowd here," Dad told me from his place by the stove.

"Yeah all the members of the glee club. Well, almost. I'm still waiting for 7 more though I'm not sure if 2 will be here, according to Cory."

"Ok. The guy who just came in?"

I nodded; "yeah."

At the mention of his name, Cory looked at my dad; "Hey."

"Hey I'm Jesse, Ashley's dad."

"Cory, the glee club. Nice to meet you."

"You too. Where are you from?"

In the living room the doorbell rang.

"I got it!" Evan called.

"Excuse me," I told Cory, who nodded.

I walked into the living room where Evan was standing at the open front door, talking with Tina and Mike. I approached them.

"Hey I see you've met my brother," I said."

Tina smiled; "yeah and he's met mine."

"We brought rice, broccoli and Thai food," Mike informed me.

"And Memoirs Of A Geisha," Tina told me.

"Cool. Beautiful movie."

They followed me into the kitchen where Mike put the food in the fridge.

They introduced themselves to my dad.

"Ashley," Amber said, looking at me.

I looked at her; "hm?"

"Ruby will probably be late."

"Ok."

I took the DVD from Tina and walked back into the living room with Cory following, holding a black cup of coffee. He set himself on the couch next to Evan, and started talking to Evan, Chris and Puck. I put the DVD on the stack, noticing Dreamgirls and Ray were there, probably Amber's choices. RENT and Goal were among them, which I guessed were Cory's. The choices so far were Bella, Frida, Dreamgirls, Grease, Breakfast Club, High Society, Meet Me In St. Louis, Repulsion, Ray, Memoirs Of A Geisha, RENT and Goal, so we had a good selection as well as a good selection of food.

The doorbell rang, again.

I went to it, opened it and there stood Rachel, holding 4 containers of hummus and bagels and 2 DVDS, DeLovely and Funny Girl.

"Hey cmon in," I told her.

She smiled; "thank you. I made the food."

"Wow cool. Funny Girl."

"I love that movie."

"Yeah I heard you did a great rendition of Don't Rain On My Parade at sectionals."

"Yeah I did and thank you."

"Mmmhmm."

I let her in. She followed me into the kitchen where she put her food in the fridge. She introduced herself to my dad. I took her DVDs into the living room and put them on the stack then went and sat on the sofa next to Cory, who handed me my tea.

"Thank you," I said.

"You're welcome."

I took a sip; "everyone is almost here."

Cory put his arm around the back of the couch.

"Who we still waitin on?" Puck asked.

"Um Dianna and maybe Brittany and Serena. Oh, and Ruby."

"Oh ok."

"Ruby Amber's sister Ruby?" Chris asked.

"Yeah."

"I didn't think Rachel would come," Cory said.

"You guys still aren't on good terms?" Puck asked.

"No, she hasn't been in the best of moods lately."

"Oh."

"It's not hard to miss, since she was hospitalised," I put in.

Cory looked at me; "I meant, even after."

"Oh."

The doorbell rang, again. I was getting really tired of sitting down only to have the doorbell ring again, and standing up to answer it.

I sighed, handing my tea to Cory, who took it.

"I'll get it," I muttered.

I walked to the door and opened it. There stood Dianna, Chloe, Renee and surprisingly Marie. Dianna and her cousins were holding Saran wrapped white paper plates of crepes and Marie Antoinette.

"Bonjour!" Dianna cried.

"Hey hun cmon in," I told them, stepping aside so they could.

"Thank you. We brought crepes," Chloe told me.

"I saw. Just go on and put them in the kitchen, leave the DVD on the uh. thing. Stack."

"Ok."

They went into the kitchen while Marie stayed by me.

"Hey sweetie," I said.

She looked up at me her blue eyes shining.

"What's wrong?" I asked, a feeling of dread settling in my stomach.

She stayed silent but started up the stairs and went down the hall to our room. I followed her.

She sat on her bed.

"Close the door," she told me.

I did and went over to her bed where I sat. She turned her arms skyward. Across her wrists were deep red cuts.

"My god," I whispered.

"I didn't do it," she told me.

"What happened?"

"When I was walking to Dianna's from work some guy told me if I didn't give him what he wanted he'd cut me."

"What you...oh god. Shit. This isn't good."

"Well no kidding."

"Sorry."

"They were big, like football players. I think Puck might know them."

I nodded, picturing the exact guys she was talking about.

She swallowed. Tears fell from her eyes.

"Hey, shhh. It's not your fault," I told her, taking her in my arms.

A knock came on the door.

"Ashley?" Santana's voice called.

I looked toward the door; "yeah?"

"Do you have any Advil? I have a headache. When I looked I couldn't find any."

"Yeah um hold on."

I unwrapped my arms from Marie, stood up, went across the room where I opened the door to find Santana wearing one of my long black robes. I was blocking Marie from her view.

"It should be in the medicine cabinet," I told her.

"Yeah it's not."

I suddenly remembered...one day Anna had overdosed and had to be rushed to the hospital which was one reason we didn't keep it in the medicine cabinets.

"I'll see if I can find some."

She smiled; "thanks."

I looked over my shoulder at Marie, who said "it's ok she can come in. I could use some company."

Santana stepped to the side, letting me pass. She went into the room.

I made my way down the stairs to find Chris standing at the foot, holding his tea. Puck was behind him.

"What's wrong?" Chris demanded.

"I'm sorry?" I asked, having no clue what he was on about.

"Ashley," his blue eyes widened; "I live with 2 cats and a dog who can sense when something's wrong, which I picked up from them. And, if you hadn't noticed, I'm gay which makes me all the more sensitive to things like this."

"It's true, he always knows when I'm upset," Puck agreed.

"Oh, um."

"Do you want to talk outside?" Chris asked.

I nodded.

"Ok."

We went outside into the cold night air. Chris waited. I'd come to realise he was also very patient.

"Um, it's my sister. Marie."

"Mmmhmm."

We made our way across the lawn and away from the house.

"Apparently when she was coming back from work some guy cut her."

"Oh god."

"Yeah. If she didn't give him what he wanted. You see, she's a prostitute but she's trying to quit."

He nodded.

"She thinks it might've been one of the football players."

"Oh no."

"Yeah. I know."

"You carry a lot with you."

"Yeah well. When you've lived my life you kindof have to."

"Mmmhmm."

"No wonder you took the night off."

"Yeah, I...damnit, yaknow?"

"Mmm that I do. I'm really sorry, about this...about your sisters."

"Kate and Anna."

"Right. What kindof cancer do they have?"

"Leukemia."

"Wow."

"Yeah, Kate was diagnosed at 2 and Anna just a few weeks ago. She's 10 Kate's 13."

"That's a hard age for a girl."

"Hell now's a hard age for a girl."

"I know. I know. You don't have to be this solid, you know."

He took me in his arms. He was so sweet and caring. Very gentle.


	46. Chapter 62

When dianna came in I noticed she was. Pregnant. Dad looked at her. Actually we all looked at her.

"hey what does everyone want to - oh. Um. Hi," evan said seeing dianna when he came into the room from the kitchen.

Rachel came and stood by dianna.

"evan. Its rude to stare. Stop," I hissed.

"I. but. She…."

"dude its not like you havent seen a pregnant chick before. I mean you have a girlfriend."

"yeah but she. I know what happened to her."

"what difference does it make?"

"yeah but. Shes. Younger than Rebecca. You all are."

"yeah remember how young I was?" I pointed out.

That shut him up.

"and 'she' has a name. this is dianna. Shes in the club w/ me. Us," Rachel said.

"hey, jesse," mom said, coming downstairs, "pam and I - Ashley wheres your dad?" she asked looking at me.

"kitchen," I replied.

Her eyes landed on dianna; "and whos this?"

"mom this is - "

"you," mom said stepping closer to dianna, "do you know how wrong it is for you to be pregnant at such a young age? And w/o being married? You should give the baby up. Then you can focus on schooling."

"but she did it," evan said to me.

"evan. Now is now the time," I said.

"Ashley tell your dad pam and I are going out," mom said.

"ok."

"actually no youre not," dad said coming out of the kitchen.

Mom turned to him; "don't tell me what I can and cant do."

"I need to talk to you about the way you've reacted."

She went into the kitchen.

"why doesn't she call your dad 'dad'?" amber asked.

"theyre not married," I explained.

"oh."

"and whos pam?" tina asked.

"moms girlfriend."

"oh."

"Ashley can I talk to you?" puck asked.

"um, sure where?"

"upstairs."

"ok."

"I got the pasta," evan said going into the kitchen.

"ok," I said.

"hey wheres dianna?" mike asked.

"I. uh don't know. Actually," Rachel said.

"you were standing right by her."

"hey. don't get mad at me for what they said."

"shes got a point," chris said.

"ill go find her," Rachel said and left.

Puck and I headed upstairs.


	47. Jesse: talk rachel

Jesse

When ashleys friend Rachel came into the kitchen karen and I were still in it.

We looked at Rachel.

"hi what can I do for ya?" I asked.

"I need to talk to you 2," she told us.

This didn't sound good."ok guest room ok?" I asked.

She nodded.

"Hannah you got - ?" I began as we went into the guest room.

"yeah I got the pasta," she called back.

Karen, Rachel and I went into the room and sat. karen stood and closed the door then sat back down again.

"now seeing as I just met you and you havent said anything I don't have much of a problem w/ you mr. fitzgerald," Rachel told me.

Well that was good to hear.

"you can call me jesse," I told her.

"ok."

She looked at karen; "however, mrs. fitzgerald. As for you. You just met my girlfriend and upon meeting her you-"

"brewer," karen corrected her.

"what?"

"its, mrs. Brewer, dear. Jesse and I arent married. Nor am I interested in him like that."

"oh. My mistake."

"its ok," I said; "go ahead."

"and upon meeting her you automatically judge her for being pregnant which isn't her fault."

"well. Whos the dad?"

"that is none of your-"

"Rachel answer the question."

"someone we know."

"oh well then I feel so much better knowing that," karen said sarcastically.

"fine hes someone we know at school," Rachel said.

"ok then."

"you had no right to tell her she should give the baby up when its not your decision."

"well she makes it obvious."

"yeah so does every other pregnant woman!"

"I didn't want her to end up like me. Rachel," karen said.

"yes and you couldn'tve just told her that?" Rachel said.

"I was running late."

"so you couldn'tve taken 2 seconds out of your night to tell her that? Im sure the restaurant would've understood had you done so."

"I wanted time away from my daughters. Now if you'll excuse me I have a date," karen said.

"I apologise for my rudeness mrs. Brewer," Rachel said.

"thank you."

Karen left.

"Rachel im so sorry about that. You don't deserve that and neither does dianna," I told her.

"its not like its our fault," she said.

"I know."

"and as much as I appreciate the sentiment jesse I don't want to hear that from you. I want to hear it from mrs. Brewer," Rachel told me.

"yeah I know that too. But, to be honest. I don't think shell ever explain."

"why?"

"shes not like that. Shes, not as warm as I am. Clearly."

"no, clearly," Rachel agreed.

"there are a lot of things she hasn't dealt w/ from her past so she takes it out on others. And. Also. Karens not exactly known for distributing her time evenly among her daughters. Shes a good person shes just. Not warm. Or welcoming. And much as I wish I could theres not a whole lot I can do, right now. Other than what I already have. So…."

"right, I get it. Ill keep my distance. I mean ill be polite but, you know."

"right."

We both stood; "that sounds like the best course of action."

And left.


	48. Puck

"Honey do you want...?" Chris asked me, stepping into the house from outside.

I turned around to face him; "do I want what?"

"I Idinno."

"Oh."

He was quiet. For the first time since we decied we liked each other he was the one not saying much. I approached him.

"Hey what's wrong?" I asked.

He took my hand.

"You better come outside," he told me.

He led me outside and halfway acorss the dark lawn where he sat. He pulled me down next to him.

"What happened? You're not usually this quiet," I noted.

Or this forceful. That was my area, at least when it came to us kissing.

"You're right I'm not. Um."

"Out with it."

"It's about Marie."

Oh god no.

"Something happened to her on her way home from work."

I was imagining the worst.

"On her way back she was cut by a guy who said if she didn't give him what he wanted he'd do just that."

"Where'd he hurt her?"

"Her arms."

"Oh."

"The thing is honey," Chris said, his blue eyes filled with sadness, "she thinks it was one of the guys from the football team."

"Just what the fuk is their problem? First they hurt you and then her..."

"I know."

-XXX-

He lied down on the grass. The night was dark and slightly cold, the opposite of me, who was heated with anger. The air smelled wet, and like grass. His fingers found mine in the grass and walked themselves up them and then up my arm. His nails lightly ran over my skin, almost scratching it. I was having trouble breathing.

There was only so far he could run his fingers up my arm, as I was sitting and he was lying down, so he couldn't reach much further.

His nails ran down my arm.

"Wow," I breathed.

"I thought so," he told me.

"Mm?" I asked, looking down at him in the darkness.

"Just, experimenting. Get down here."

He took me by surprise, pulling my hand out from under me. To avoid hitting my bruise against the hard ground I somehow managed to land on top of him.

He smiled.

"Oh hello," he said innocently.

He blinked his blue eyes. I was starting to become a sucker for those color changing eyes of his.

'Hi," I whispered, breathing into his face.

"Wow your breath is warm."

I closed my mouth and breathed in through my nose. Underneath me, his legs shiftd.

"Um," he said, a little uncomfortable.

"Yes?"

I drew the word out.

"You're...my...I can't..."

"Can't what?"

"Uh. wow ok. Will you move your legs please?"

"Oh."

I got it. I'd forgotten I was bigger and weighed more than him.

I shifted so that I was lying with my upper body on his and my legs on the grass to his side.

He breathed an audible sigh of relief.

He continued running his nails over my skin.

"Why are you suddenly so forceful? That's usually my department."

"I just. didn't want you to get bored."

"I could never be bored with you," I said lowly into his chest.

I rolled over onto my back, taking him with me, his head on my chest. I brushed his hair back.

The grass was cold. The street was quiet. In the house, we heard people talking

"Babe," I said.

"Hm?"

"You want to have control. don't you."

He sighed; "yeah. Since I didn't have much when..."

"I know. I know. And don't get me wrong it's great. But just. remember what I told you about my mom. It doesn't mean you can't it just means."

He nodded; "right I know."

I rested my hands on his head, just above his forehead.

"Ya know, for a football player, you have really soft hands," he told me.

"Thanks."

He giggled.

"What?"

"Oh nothing."

"It's sexual isn't it?"

Which only made him giggle more.

In the dark I knew he was blushing.

"God you're adorable," I told him."

"What, so when someone's embarassed it's adorable?"

"No just when you are."

"Oh."

I stared up into the darkness, my breathing slowed.

"It's ok you can ask," I told him calmly.

"I...is it...I mean, will...do you...?" he managed.

I knew exactly what he was referring to.

"You'll find out some day."

Again, he breathed audibly. He brought his fingers up and traced my jawline.

"Honey?" he asked.

"Yeah?"

"How'd your sisters die?"

Oh.

I shifted, getting ready.

Then brought my hands over his which were resting on his chest.

"I had 5, and they all died various ways. They were so damaged, from our parents."

He nodded.

"But so much more, beyond that. All younger, all beautiful in her own way. The oldest, Ariana, was murdered."

"Wow."

"Yeah, she was a real showstopper. Long red hair, knew she was hot and on her bad days she used to this to her advantage. She was very angry."

"Mmmhm."

"I was the only one who could calm her down. We'd smoke together. She trusted me more than anyone."

"Wow."

"We mever did find the guy who lured her and then murdered her."

"And then there was Cecilia, the next. She was a dreamer, always protesting something or other. Long brown hair which she never cut. Often wore flowers in it. She wore skirts and always wanted to go to San Francisco. She looked a lot like me, actually."

"Like the song," Chris said.

"Yes. She probably thought she'd fly when she took that last dose drew that last breath. Drugs they-"

I swallowed.

"I know," Chris told me.

"Then there was Ella, a princess in every right. She was a romantic, wholeheartedly believed in magic and fairy tale endings. She had this beautiful long black hair. Very Hepburn."

"And her death?"

"Alcohol. Classy, just like her."

"Fiona, the next."

"That's 4."

"Yeah. Interesting name, as I'm not Irish. She loved the ocean, and was dark, edgy. She had this incredible power to her."

"Sex?" Chris asked.

"No, more like she knew what she wanted. She believed our tears made our skin beautiful. One day she cut too deep and."

"Oh."

"She was the kindof women who took the world by storm. She lit a fire wherever she went. And that was her first mistake. She thought her cuts made her ugly and to remedy that she."

"Played with fire, so to speak."

"Yeah, which only made it worse for her. But despite what she did, she saw, she'd never be ugly. It was her pain that made her absolutey stunning."

"Like Frida Kahlo's art."

"Yeah, exactly."

"Wow."

I was coming to the last one. I swallowed.

"And the last one, Ginger."

I knew Chris was smiling; "like my cat, or the movie star."

I smiled; "yeah exactly."

I swallowed.

"I...I'd watched her fade since day 1. God she was so fukin. fragile. The skin of a butterfly, and if you touched her she'd die. Emotionally."

Chris nodded; "yeah I get it."

"It scared me sometimes. She was so thin so tiny. I-"

"Honey you don't have to go on if you don't want to," Chris told me.

"I. I know."

I breathed.

"She loved dancing, and music. Loved it more than anyone I know. So passionate. She was the one who taught me how to play, actually. But, just like Karen Carpenter."

"Wow."

"Yeah. I really miss them. They were so so amazing and if only they'd see that. But they neer did."

"Sometimes people don't."

"Chris, Puck! Dinenr!" Amber's voice called.

Chris started in my arms; "god she's loud."

"Yeah I know."

He sat up, moving to the side so I could.

"Whoa," he said.

I sat up, looked at him; "you alrite?"

"Yeah, head rush."

"Oh ok. Careful when ya stand."

He looked at me and smiled; "thanks honey."

"How long we been out here anyway?"

"About an hour, I'd guess."

"Oh."


	49. Chris

**Chris**

Mandy came into the living room.

"Hey," she said.

Something about her was off. The way she held herself, I think.

I looked up at her; "you alrite?"

"Um."

I looked back at Rachel; "you gonna be ok here?"

"Yeah."

She took 2 more brownies out of the container, then gave it to me.

I stood and approached Mandy.

"How'd you know I wasn't? And is there somewhere...?" she looked around, indicating she wanted to talk elsewhere.

"Yeah outside good?"

She nodded.

We went out into the cold dark night, setting ourselves on the couch that wason the front porch.

"So how'd you know I wasn't?" she repeated.

"Well, I have 2 cats and a dog who'r the same way. From what I've heard, your brother's pretty damn perceptive as is Ashley. And Lily. Also, something about you seemed off, the way you carried yourself when you came into the living room," I rattled off.

"Oh."

She straightened self consciously.

"It's ok you dont have to be self conscious around me," I told her.

I knew she was smiling in the darkness; "Puck sure isn't."

I let out a small laugh; "well that's because Puck and I are involved."

"So I've noticed."

I leaned forward; "But I'm not gonna judge you ya know?"

She swallowed; "yeah. I know."

"God knows I've been judged enough times myself."

"And now we all do."

I knew we both smiled at that.

"Yeah I heard about that. I'm sorry," she told me.

"Thanks but it's not your fault."

"And it's not yours either."

I waited patiently for her to continue. The night was dark and quiet but a different kindof quiet than the garage had been. The porch, with the exception of Mandy and I, was empty. The night was cold. The brownie container was placed on the sofa between us. It had been a long day, long week for everyone.

She sighed.

"I want to be beautiful," she admitted to the darkness.

"You are," I told her.

"But I'm also thin."

"You shouldn't be embarassed by that."

She looked at me; "why not? Everyone else is!"

"Well not everyone. I'm not, Puck isn't, Ashley isn't," I pointed out.

"Ok point taken."

"It's your pain that makes you beautiful. Puck and I were just discussing this, actually. And, people don't like you just because of your looks. God how conceited and shallow would that be? Can you just imagine?" I proclaimed dramatically.

She laughed; "god you are such a diva."

I smiled; "thank you so I've heard."

"What and you're proud of that?"

"Well yes actually I am. And have you met Rachel? She's even moreso than I am."

"I have in fact met Rachel. And yeah she is."

It's true. As theatrical as I was Rachel was even moreso. When she sang it poured out of her. She was so expressive and passionate. But so was Amber, as demanding as she could be.

"Oh really? Then why don't people talk to me? Explain that one," Mandy said.

"What?" I asked quietly, surprised.

"Yeah it's like they're embarassed to be seen talking to me. Just as they are with Kate."

"Oh."

I got it.


	50. Sat Oct 5th

**Puck**

It was hours later and we were all lying in the darkened living room, on the floor. Chris and I were shirtless, lying next to each other, in 2 sleeping bags we'd zipped together. My hands wandered his cuts. They were ropy. His hands moved across my back. I shivered as he ran his nails over me.

"I love making you shiver," he whispered.

I kissed his forehead.

"It's been a long night," I said.

"It's almost 2," Cory told us, from his spot next to Serena.

"I'm hungry," I heard Amber say.

"We have food," Ashley told her.

"Quite a bit," Ben said.

"No," Amber said.

"Why?" Dianna questioned.

"I wanna fit into the cheerleading uniform."

"Amber."

"What."

The room fell silent, all of us thinking.

"Yeah I need to lose 5 lbs, too," Santana said.

"And apparently I have hips like a pear," Chris added.

"I love your hips," I told him seductively bringing my hands down to his waist just above his hips; "and when you make me shiver."

He ran his hands up and down my back.

"It doesn't hurt as much," I said.

He knew what I meant.

He sighed.

"Yeah?" I whispered.

"He barely talks to me."

"Who?"

"My dad. He talks to Cory more than me."

We heard Cory sit up; "hey look. That isn't my fault."

"He's trying to replace me," Chris told me.

"He is not, trying to replace you."

Chtid sat up: "oh reallyl? And you'd know this how?"

"Omygod," Tina said.

"Will yall not argue?"Amber asked.

"She's right we've had enough drama for one night," Serena said.

"More than enough."

Chris lied back down. I put his head on my bare chest.

"You're really cold," I told him.

"And you're really warm."

"Damn right I am."

"Mmmm."

'My mom talks too much to me. Well not talks so much as. yells."

"Oh. At least she talks."

"Yells."

"Right yells."

The room went quiet again. The darkness settled around us.

"What do we have to do tomorrow? Tomorrow, I meant today," Rachel asked.

"We need to practice the cabaret numbers," Ashley said.

"Ok."

"You dont' have to do this you know," we heard Dianna tell Amber; "you don't have to change yourself for someone else."

"Well you don't alter Vera to fit you. You alter yourself to fit Vera," Chris pointed out.

"This isn't Vera," Dianna told him.

"You've always had this amazing confidence," Tina told Amber.

"And you, don't have to eat for other people. Or not eat," Brian told Mandy.

"We can't make you eat honey," Ashley told her.

-XXXX-

"My mom's in a coma," Ashley said, after awhile.

"I thought she was dead," I told her.

"She is. And not her, my other mom. Karen."

"Oh."

"How'd it happen?" Chris asked.

"A few weeks ago..."

"Wow," Chloe said.

"She was driving and a drunk driver hit her. They had to put her in a coma."

"Wow I'm sorry. I mean I know it doesn't change anything," Renee said.

"Thanks hun. It's been weird. And hard."

'Yeah I know."

"Guess we've all had things going on lately," Maria said.

"Yeah we have."


	51. Sat Oct 5th: Ashley: Mix

**Ashley**

It was an hour or so later. Tina, Rachel, Ruby, Renee, Chloe, Maria, Rosa and I were in my living room. The others were elsewhere.

"I brought a mix," Rachel said, pulling a CD out of her purse.

I went took it from her and put it in the CD player we had in our living room. Michael Buble's 'Feelin Good' came over the speakers and into the room.

"So, how do we start?" I asked.

"Back up," Tina instructed.

We all backed up against the sofa, in a line.

"Now watch me," Ruby said.

They slowly stepped forward, their hands curled by their hips as Rachel and I stood to the side and watched. They crossed their feet over each other, bringing their shoulders up then rolled their bodies. They stood back and watched us.

We practiced a few times, then went over the dance steps for 'Maybe This Time' and 'Out Tonight'.


	52. Mon, Sept 16: Karen

**Monday., Sept. 16th**

**1 a.m.**

**Karen**

Yesterday - Sunday - when jesse and id come home from the reunion Ashley had rushed to meet us. She informed us that ate was sick and had been for the past few hours. When kesse asked Ashley why she rose and lily weren't at ballet that night which they took 7 days a week 2x a day Ashley had told us that shed had a feeling something was wrong and wanted to be home for what it was. Wed arrived home at 11 p.m. we all drove to the hospital kate bleeding on my lap the way there. When we got to the hospital it was near midnight and they informed us that kate needed more platelets and bone marrow from anna. At the hospital they drew blood from anna put it in a bag and inserted it into kates arm. They had to do this before the bone marrow operation in case kate lost blood during that. This took 30 minutes. Because kate had lost blood and her body was still getting used to the transfusion she was shivering. The nurse we knew alice kept giving kate blankets. Theyd put both kate and anna under in order to perform the operation. Then theyd taken bone marrow from annas pelvis and inserted them into kates arm. The transplant took 6 hrs.

Jesse, Pam and I were waiting in the room, waiting to hear the results from Kate's bone marrow operation. We'd been at the hospital overnight. I was very tired. Before the doctors did the surgery they had anestesthized both Anna and Kate.

Alice, a nurse our family knew and liked, came out into the waiting room.

"You can come in," she told us.

We followed her down the long narrow thin white hall and into the room. Our daughters were lying motionless, one on each bed.

"They're still asleep as you can tell. Sit down," Alice told us, pulling over 2 uncomfortable dark blue plastic chairs.

She sat in one and Pam placed herself in the other. Jesse brought over 2 chairs, one for himself and the othe rfor me. We sat down.

Alice placed the charts on her lap.

"Your daughter's," she began, "lost a significant amount of weight."

"How much?" I asked.

"20 pounds."

"Wow."

Kate, had been who had been her heaviest at 130, was now 110.

"Has she been sick lately?" Alice asked.

I looked to Jesse who was home more and would know such things.

"Yes. She's been bleeding a lot too," he answered.

"That's what landed her in here in the first place," Pam put in.

"That's what she told me. In a few days we'll need to give her a blood transfusion to balance her platelet levels. This might help with some of the bleeding."

"Will it stop it?" I asked.

Alice looked at me.

"It might," she answered.

She turned back to Jesse.

"Could you remind me again of the family history of cancer?" Alice asked.

"My sister had it. AML."

"A rarity."

"Yes. She died from it, actually," Jesse continued.

"I'm very sorry Mr. Fitzgerald."

"Thank you."

"We're so afraid for Kate, that she won't..." I said, my blue eyes wide.

Pam placed her hand over mine.

"Does Kate cut?" Alice asked.

"What?" I asked, surprised.

"Ms. Brewer, as you most likely know, it's very common for girls Kate's age to do that."

"Oh. No, not that I know of."

"Ok. If she cuts and she gets an infection, her mortality rate goes down."

I nodded.

When anna and kate were getting their transfusions jesse and I's friends from the reunion and school bobby and Amanda came to the hospital. At which time Hannah, rose, lily and the twins were wandering around the hospital. Evan was back at the house and Ashley, alexa and tom were near us Ashley in the same waiting room as jesse and I, alexa and tom in another. Pam amd marie were elsewhere marie somewhere outside and pam in the hospital.

When the doors opened and bobby and Amanda came in jesse and I stood. Bobby and Amanda came towards us. We all hugged even though id seen them a few hours before.

"hey youre here," Jesse said

"yeah well. Pam told us you were here when we texted her and said we wanted to meet your daughters," Amanda said.

"oh. Well ashleys here and alexas. Somewhere."

"in the next waiting room over," Ashley supplied standing.

I looked at her; "yes that's right thank you."

She looked at Amanda; "ok now you I already know since I take strip. Er. Dancing w/ you downtown."

"yes that's right," Amanda said.

"dancing?" I whispered leaning towards jesse.

"pole dancing," he answered.

"oh."

Ashley looked at bobby; "but you I don't know."

"im bobby a friend of your moms."

"oh nice to meet you. Im Ashley her daughter. Well. One of them."

He smiled; "I figured."

"now our sons not here, but maybe you can meet him tomorrow. That is. If you want to come for breakfast," jesse said.

Amanda smiled; "that's fine."

"ok."

"and the others are around here. Somewhere, as is pam," I said.

"ok well I want to meet alexa. Oh and the others of course," Amanda said.

"as do I," bobby put in.


	53. Ashley: Thinking

Ashley

I sat there in the quiet hallways w/ Amanda, thinking about all this. The fact that back in Brooklyn when it was quiet meant something bad was going to happen wasn't. good. Well it was that way here too but it didn't mean I was in danger just that kate was. It was really a matter of unpredictability the unpredictability of life. And timing the timing of everything. My dad could've done worse than hurting me the way he did. Id ended up hospitalised bc of him. But, if id somehow died, I wouldn't have to live w/ that knowledge. I was young when my mom died. She was sick. And in a way she was lucky my dad didn't kill her that she went that way. She was the one who taught me to play piano. After she died I stopped playing.

I didn't know what it meant for things to be quiet without something big happening.

Its pretty sad that my own adoptive mom didn't tell me she was scared that her own friend, one of my bosses, had to. Amanda was nice a lot nicer than karen at times. Karen basically inferred she didn't care what I did w/ my life. And neither had my dad. But I had to stay w/ my family in case something happened to karen. So I didn't have time to focus on me.

"hey," Amanda said quietly.

I looked at her; "yeah?"

"im going to go check on your mom ok?"

"ok. Thank you."

"of course honey. You know where to find me."

"yeah always."

She stood.

She left leaving me there in the quiet.

As I listened to the quiet my head got tighter. It started in my forehead and around my eyes then moved to my sides. I pulled my knees up to my chest and put my head on them. I did some yoga breaths and closed my eyes.

I near fell asleep.

* * *

Soft quiet footsteps approached me from behind and 2 big soft cold hands touched my neck. I lifted my head back towards whoever it was.

"no don't," he said, "put your head forward again back on your knees."

I did and his hands started rubbing my neck.

"omygod," I said as I breathed out surprised by how good it felt.

"I know. My sisters used to get the same thing. Constant pressures gonna be the best thing. Shhh just breathe."

"I…"

"don't talk."

Ok.


	54. Friday Oct 11th

Oct 11

It was fri. oct 11 and we were all at the homecoming dance in the gym. The big game had been earlier that day and wed already had the parade. Rachel had won homecoming queen which helped make her more popular. A lot of people were celebrating her. During the glee clubs performance shed performed a song. Id performed one myself. The glee club was done performing and I was now dancing w/ puck.

"I gotta say. You got a helluva voice," he told me.

"thank you," I said.

Rachel and dianna were dancing together. Ben and chris were standing by the punch bowl talking.

"and you look nice. You look good in black and so does your cousin. She's so beautiful."

"thank you. Yeah she is."

We looked over at Annabelle who was dancing by herself. She was the kindof person who didn't need to dance w/ anyone. Her friend hadn't come. According to her he was the most anti social person she'd ever met. Nice guy though.

"you should meet Mandy she's just as beautiful," I told puck.

"yeah id like to. At some point."

"ok."

We turned back to each other.

"hey um," I began.

"yeah?" puck asked.

"2 things. 1 would it be ok w/ you if I sang at the winter formal?"

"I don't see why not though I'll have to ask mr. schue."

"ok cool. And also. I'm going to that w/ ben so."

"oh no that's fine. I'm actually going w/ chris."

"oh. Ok."


	55. Chapter 22

**Ashley**

It was later that day, after school and almost time for rehearsal. I was outside the choir room. From inside I heard someone playing the piano. Whoever it was was very good and the sweeping music filled the still room. It was dark haunted sensual. I recognised it as 'Music Of The Night' from 'Phantom Of The Opera'. The music went up and down. It made everything still and swept you up into the song, the story. The song ended and another one began, 'Memory' from 'Cats'. I'd always liked this one. The notes were higher, and graceful, in a way. They washed over you. It ended and Ella Fitzgerald's 'Lullaby Of Birdland' began. It was fun, lighter. I slowly turned the big cold silver knob and slowly opened the big wooden door to find Puck sitting at the piano, playing. He looked up when I entered never taking his fingers from the keys. I went and sat on the gray carpeted bleachers.

"Hey," he said, still playing.

"Hey I didn't know you played," I returned.

"Well now you do."

"How long you been playin?"

"Since I was 7. I also play guitar."

"7 wow. You're really good."

"Thanks. You know who this is?"

"Ella Fitzgerald, Lullaby Of Birdland."

"Right. You like jazz?"

"Love it."

"Good I was hoping you'd say that."

"Oh? Why?" I asked.

"Well some friends of mine are playing at a place downtown this Friday and I'm inviting you. What are you doing this Friday?"

"Um I have my show."

"Oh that's right. How long do they usually last?"

"A few hours."

"Oh. What about after?"

"Ok."

We'd go downtown after my show.

He began Heart's 'Alone'.

"What happened to your arm?" I asked.

"My mom hit me this morning when she came home drunk," he replied without hesitation.

"Oh. Why?"

"I was the nearest uh, thing."

"Oh. I've been there."

"You have?"

"Yeah, back up in Brooklyn my dad used to do the same thing."

"Oh. Your mom?"

"Dead, she's been dead for awhile."

"Oh."

"Your dad?"

"He split."

"Oh. You seem so comfortable here," I observed.

"Well I've always been comfortable around music. It's part of the reason I joined the club."

"Yeah I get that."

He started 'Maybe This Time' from 'Cabaret'.

"Hey would you like to meet Kate after?" I asked.

"After...?"

"Oh, well I got ballet after this so I was thinking then."

After ballet.

"Sure."

"Ok."


	56. Tuesday Oct 15th

Tuesday

It was Tuesday at lunch. Rachel, Mike, Tina, Dianna, Adam, Jessica, Puck, Alexa, Rose, Lily, Hannah, Eric, Brian, Ben and myself were all in the choir room for the dance committee meeting.

I knew Jessica from cheerleading and adam, eric and brian just from seeing them around the school. Jessica had blonde hair and brown eyes.

"Alrite, so how do we want to decorate?" Rachel asked.

"Uh, Halloween-like," Mike answered.

"Well we know that," Tina answered.

"We could have black and orange crepe paper streamers across the ceiling and balloons," Dianna answered.

"Ok, and giant paper cats, ghosts, witches, ravens, spiders and pumpkins," Adam said.

"Someone could be the..." Jessica leaned forward and pantomimed gazing into a crystal ball.

"Fortune teller," puck supplied.

"Yeah."

"Someone else could read tarot cards," alexa said.

"Cool, and we could have another person do palmistry," rose said.

"We could have a, um," lily began.

She put her hands up, bringing them together and pulled them apart, then down and together again. She then made her right hand arc over the space, twice.

"Ouija board?" Hannah guessed.

She looked at him and smiled; "yeah, that."

"Oh, and also...fog," eric said.

"Cool," brian agreed.

"And we could have like, printed out Poe writings," ben said.

I looked at him, confused; "like, on the wall?"

"Yeah, I think I get what he means," Rachel put in.

"You mean, we'd print out writings of his, take 'em to Kinko's, have them enlarged-" mike began.

At which point tina laughed.

"What?" dianna asked, looking at him.

"Enlarged."

"Shutit," adam told him.

"Ok, sorry."

"Mike, you were saying?" Jessica asked.

"And then put them on the walls."

"Ok sounds good," puck said.

"There could be dancing ghosts, cats, witches and ravens. Like, dancing lights in the shape of them," alexa said.

"Ok," rose agreed.

"And there would be giant fake coffins in the corners," lily added.

"What about lighting and music?" hannah asked.

"Dark lighting," eric said.

"Do you think they'd let us have candles?" brian asked.

"No, not actual ones," ben answered.

"But maybe those battery powered ones?" Isuggested.

"Ok cool," Rachel replied.

"We could play horror movies," mike said.

"Ok, and as for music..." Dianna began.

"We definately need to have Monster Mash," adam said.

"Yeah it's a classic," Jessica said.

"Something from Nightmare Before Christmas," puck said.

"Something ethereal yet rock-like," alexa said.

"Emilie Autumn?" rose suggested.

"Yeah that'd be awesome."

"The glee club'll be performing a number from Cats and one from Wicked also," Lilt said.

"So, we could have both of those soundtracks," Hannah said.

"Ok," eric said.

"What about pop?" brian asked.

Ben looked at him; "Pop?"

"Not like, Beach Boys, '50's kind of stuff. I mean, popular music nowadays."

"Oh."

"Yeah that'd work," I concurred.

"What about food and beverages?" Chris asked.

"The fruit punch could be 'bubbling' out of black plastic cauldrons," Rachel said.

"Bubbling?" mike asked.

"Yeah, someone could be underneath the tablecloths and be blowing bubbles through a straw."

"Oh."

"The food?" tina asked.

"Sweets, strawberries, raisins, grapes and chocolate," dianna said.

"Ok, yeah I get it," adam said.

"Because of their colors," Jessica said.

"We could sell merchandise from the show Wicked," puck suggested.

"Yeah that's a great way to raise money for the club's trip," alexa said.

"Ok, like brooms, mixed CDs, posters, the books, those little umbrella thingys," rose said.

"Parasols," lily supplied.

"Yeah those."

"Now who's doing what?" Hannah asked.

"The club's taking care of the sweets," eric answered.

"I'll bring the strawberries, raisins and grapes," brian added.

"Ok I'll bring the punch," ben put in.

"I'll take care of the music," I said.

"I'll get the lighting," Rachel said.

"And the rest of us will shop for the decorations after club rehearsal tonight," mike said.

"Ok sounds good," tina said.

"You're free to go," dianna said.

We left.


	57. Sat Oct 18th: Dianna

Dianna

It was Saturday night a few hours after some of the members of the club had read their poetry at the merc downtown. Puck and I were in my car driving to my place. I knew after hed dropped his stuff id have to drive him back downtown to the parking lot where hed left his jeep so he could drive it back to my place. Wed decided hed stay at my place for awhile so that hed be away from his mom.

I parked by the curb and turned the car off. I unlocked the doors and opened my door.

"wow," puck said.

Even in the dark we could see how big my house was. He got out closing the door behind him. He looked up at my house in awe.

"you seem. Surprised," I said.

"oh sorry I guess I. shouldn't, be?"

"no you're fine."

He looked up at the house and whistled. I smiled at the image of him whistling at an inanimate object.

"god its like Chris's."

I walked around the car and took his hand.

"cmon," I said.

We walked up to the front door. I stuck my key in turned it and unlocked the door. We stepped inside. The living room was lit and my mom was sitting on the white couch dressed in blue w/ her hair up. She was holding a white cup of tea. I didn't see dad anywhere.

"come in close the door behind you," I said in a low voice to puck.

He put his stuff on the floor. He closed the front door.

"mom," I said.

She looked up; "oh hi honey."

She looked like shed been crying.

"are you ok? What's wrong? Where's dad?"

"your dad is…at the office."

"but, he doesn't work today. Tonight."

"I know but he told me he had some work to catch up on."

"oh. Well then…." I was confused.

I didn't understand why this made my mom so upset.

"do you want some water Mrs. Fabray?" puck asked oblivious to the fact that my mom was already holding tea.

She looked at him, surprised to see him standing there.

"no but thank you."

"alrite well im gonna have some," puck turned to me; "where's the kitchen?"

"just, straight through there."

"ok thanks."

"sure."

He went into the kitchen.

"what's he doing here?" my mom asked me as I approached her.

"he, needs somewhere to stay for a few days," I told her.

"oh."

"yeah. Why are you upset?"

"oh don't be ridiculous Dianna im not upset."

I sat down next to her on the couch and looked at her; "mom its ok you can tell me."

"I think," she looked back towards the kitchen, "that is. I don't think your dads really at work. I think hes downtown at that club where your friend works."

"oh. Um. Wow."

"yeah which, makes me feel like im not enough for him."

"oh."


	58. Ashley: puck, roof

Ashley

It was several hours later, night. Puck and I were up in the mountains. It was dark. We were lying in the front seats of his car gazing at the sky through the moon roof. I saw trees around us.

"wow its so pretty here," I said.

"and quiet," he said.

"yeah. I know."

"its almost as if you don't want to say anything for fear of disturbing it all. The. The silence."

"yeah exactly that's exactly it."

He reached and took my hand. I moved closer to him putting my leg on top of his. I couldn't move much closer bc the box thing in between the seats was in the way.

"um. Wow. This might be a problem," I said.

"no its fine ive got it," he said.

He took me and we moved onto my seat.


	59. Thurs Oct 31st:Ashley: costumes school

That night we were attending the Halloween dance then going out trick or treating with Anna and Kate. Then we were going to the Halloween party at my place where there'd be drinking food and a séance.

We all arrived in school dressed in our costumes. Mandy was a flapper, amber was Etta James, puck was james dean. Lily my sister was of course a lily. Rebecca was fire. Alexa and tom were frida and Diego. Brittany was a duck Santanna was a salsa dancing tomato. Her sisters were guacamole. Finn was brad from rocky horror. Quinn was a '50's housewife and Sam her boyfriend a '50's businessman. Marie was Josephine baker. Rachel was grizabella from cats an overly dramatic costume of course. A few weeks earlier the girls and I'd gone shopping for long winter coats which we were wearing over our costumes.

When we got to school the hall was crowded with students dressed in costume. We saw everything from aliens to xylophones.

"omygod you look adorable," Mandy told me as we all crowded into the auditorium.

Dianna had lent me her glinda costume from when she was in wicked.

"Thank you. It's a little hard to move in though," I said.

The skirt of the dress was huge and poufy.

"And you don't look so bad yourself," I told Mandy.

"And look! I can even Charleston," Mandy cried doing the dance.

I looked down at her feet while she danced.

"Did you learn that just for Halloween?" I asked.

"No. I've been wanting to for awhile. It's so easy. No wonder the women in the '20's were so thin."

"Hey great job," puck said coming over.

"Thanks," Mandy said.

"I can't even do that."

He tried rather unsuccessfully to Charleston. We laughed.

"And I know Cory couldn't," Tina said coming over.

She was gorgeous in a purple silk kimono and her hair up. Her face was painted white.

We laughed at her remark.

"You're gorgeous," Mandy told her.

"Thanks so'r you."

I saw a trace of sadness in Mandy's eyes.

'You ok?' I mouthed.

She swallowed; 'yeah fine'

'If you…you know. Need to talk'.

'Later'

'Ok'

"You….you do know what a geisha is?" I said to Tina.

"mmm yes. It's an homage to my ancestory," she replied saying 'homage' dramatically.

"My princess I've found you," puck said taking my hand and dipping me.

Rachel cleared her throat clearly envious of the attention I was getting.

"And my prince," I smiled.

I stood looking at pucks black and white costume trying to figure it out.

"But….what are you supposed to be?" I asked.

"A guitar."

"Oh cool."

"Hey cool costume man," mike said coming over.

"Thanks. You look dapper."

"I'm confused. Who are you?" Brittany asked.

Mike stuck his hands down by his hips and walked a penguin walk.

"Oh, Bert," puck, Tina and Mandy chorused.

"From Mary poppins," Santanma said.

"No, actually. He's Chaplin," I said.

Mike looked at me; "that's right."

Serena came over dressed in a beautiful poufy pink yellow and blue gown.

"Hey what are you?" puck asked her.

"I'm a princess," she replied.

"We're all princesses love," I told her; "and actually I'm glinda."

"Oh from wicked."

"Yeah Dianna lent me her costume."

We made our way down the hall and into the gym where the cheerleaders performed. Santanna and her sisters salsaed Sam and Dianna did a duet. It was fun.

Once we finished there we made our way door to door to collect candy. I sighed.

"What's wrong?" Chris asked.

"I just…around this time of year I miss my mother."

"I completely understand dear. I lost mine too."

"I know. She was the one who. Um. Taught me about being spiritual."

"And speaking of….look at that gorgeous creature."

I looked ahead where he'd indicated. In the classroom along the back wall was a stunning young woman. She was afircan-american with tight black curls. She was wearing a black dress. On the windowsill behind her were lit candles.

"Who lights candles during the day?" amber asked.

"A certain kindof woman does," I replied.

"I know exactly what you mean," puck said.

"And you know that how?" Brittany asked.

"You'll find out soon enough."

We continued our trick or treating with the woman following. We then went up to the choir room for Halloween baked goods. We weren't having rehearsal but Mr. schue had invited us to his small Halloween party.

"This is great. No rehearsal just. Time to relax," Ben said as we entered.

"I know."

"ooh cupcakes," Mandy said spying them on the piano.

"How bout one for you, cupcake?" Sam asked Dianna.

"Hey I thought you were a '50's couple not a '40's couple," I said.

"Can't we be both?" Dianna replied.

In the backround I heard rocky horror playing.

"Of course this cuts into our rehearsal time…" Rachel muttered.

"Rachel. Would you relax?" Cory said.

"Well I want to win nationals."

"Yes we know."

"Halloween's not about winning."

Ben grabbed 2 cupcakes giving one to me.

"Thanks hun," I said sitting down and smoothing my dress.

He sat down next to me.

"ooh witches brew," Santanna said picking up a tall glass of something that had smoke drifting over the top of it.

"Or, you know in the words of miles Davis. Bitches brew," Dianna said.

"You'd know about that," Rachel said.

"Hey!"

"Ladies let's not fight," Chris said.

"Did you see the girl?" Ben asked.

"The one in black?" I asked.

He nodded; "uh huh."

"She is gorgeous."

"I know and she's been following us all morning. Wonder what she wants."

"I've a pretty good idea. Don't be surprised if she shows up at my house tonight."

"uh ok."

'Maya,' somebody whispered along my ear.

I looked behind me and noticed the young woman standing in the hall.

'Maya', she mouthed.

Puck had grown quiet.

"Hey. You alrite?" I asked.

"Yeah I'm just, kinda sad," he answered.

I sighed; "yeah, Halloween does that to people."


	60. Mandy

**Mandy**

It was several hours later and Tina and I were sitting in my room. She looked around.

"Been awhile hasn't it?" she asked.

"hm? Since what?" I returned.

"Since anyone said you were gorgeous."

"Oh. That."

"Yeah. I saw the look in your eyes."

"Yeah well. No one usually does on a regular basis. They usually notice Ashley first. Or Dianna. Serena even."

"Yeah you know that's really sad."

I swallowed; "it is."

"Mandy?" a voice said from the door.

I looked up saw Brittany standing at the door.

"Yeah?"

"Can I see you?

"Um ok."

"Actually…."

She came over to the bed and lifted my wrist to her mouth.

"What happened to your neck?" Tina asked.

On brittany's neck were 2 bite marks.

"I got bitten," she answered smiling hungrily.

"What? By who?"

"bel…..Bella. And now I'm just like her. I need to get to Kate."

"No. you're not feeding off of Kate."

"I need blood to live. Just like Rachel needs applause to live. Maybe next time one of them cuts I can watch them."

"You're insane."

"You don't understand and you won't until you're bitten."


	61. Ashley: Night

**Ashley**

It was later that night. We'd gone trickortreating with Anna, Kate, alexa, tom, Rebecca and Evan and were now gathered in my living room in a circle a spirit board in front of us. We were half drunk. The lights were turned off and candles lit.

We heard toenails click across the floor.

"What's that?" Chris asked the candlelight reflected in his blue eyes.

"That's Luna," I told him.

"Luna?"

"Lily's cat. My, sister, lilys. Cat."

"Oh ok."

"I'm Maya and I'm here to help you," a voice said.

"It's her! The girl from school!" Rachel cried.

"Yes. I'm here to help you reconnect with your loved ones. Who's first? Ashley? Puck, Chris? Cory?"

"Wow she knows who we are," Brittany said.

"Of course she knows who we are she's psychic," Santanna said.

"Hello dear," a male voice said; "good to see you again."

"omygod it's him," Tina said.

"artie," Cory said.

We smelled cologne.

"I was waiting for tonight to talk to you," he continued; "hello everyone. Ashley, Mandy."

"artie is that you?" Brittany asked.

"Yes Brittany," I heard him smile.

"We really miss you," Chris said.

"I know you do. I heard you talking about me the night Chris had his accident."


	62. Evan

Evan

After I'd gone to my place where Rebecca was, we'd stayed there for a few hours. Then I'd gone to my parents' and was now at the airport.

I'd found a parking spot at the airport. I parked and my sisters and I got out of the jeep. It was around 6:40. The sun had set and the night was cold. Marie, Lily and I walked through the automatic doors of the entrance and into the large crowded airport. I flipped my phone open and dialed the number my dad had given me, for Mark dads friend from college.

"Hello?" a male voice asked.

"Yes, is this Mark?" I asked.

"Yeah, is this Evan?"

"Yeah, where are you?"

"Baggage claim."

"Ok we'll be there in a few."

We hung up.

My dad must've given Mark my cell number.

We made our way to the baggage claim, where we stopped at a crowded gray carousel. My phone buzzed.

"Yeah?" I asked, flipping it open.

"Hey, are you at the baggage claim?" he asked.

"Yeah, which one are you by?"

"4, and you?"

"5."

"Ok."

We hung up. My sisters looked at me expectantly.

"He's at 4," I told them.

"It's right behind us," Marie informed me.

"Oh," I said, turning around.

We went over and stood next to a guy my dad's height, wearing black pants and a green shirt. He was about my dad's age, with dark hair. Bags rolled by on the carousel.

"Waiting for someone?" Marie asked him.

"Yes, and you?" he asked her.

"Sort of."

I knew she was thinking of him as her next customer.

The guy looked at me: "hey, you must be Evan."

"Yes, and you are?"

"I'm Mark."

"Oh, hey!"

I helped him get his black suitcase off the carousel.

"And these are my sisters, Marie and Lily," I introduced.

"Hello," Marie said at the same time Lily said "hi."

"Hey, nice to meet you," Mark said as we walked away from the baggage carousels.

"And you as well," said Marie.

"How was your flight?" I asked.

"Ok. Hey, have you guys had dinner yet?"

"No, actually."

My phone buzzed: "yeah?"

"Hi, where are you?" Rebecca's voice asked.

"Airport, picking up Dad's friend. I should be back in about an hour or so."

"Ok."

"Bye hun."

"Bye."

We hung up.

"Who was that?" Mark asked, looking at me.

"Girlfriend."

"She's lovely," Marie informed him.


	63. Hannah

Hannah

That night I went to my dads room. He was sitting at his desk a blank piece of paper in front of him.

"any luck?" I asked.

He looked up my way.

"no no. I really haven't felt inspired."

"yeah I know you said that awhile ago."

"oh. What can I do for ya?"

I went in closing the door behind me. I sat on his bed.

"well…when I was in the living room mark came in. we talked about Greece which I was drawing and have always wanted to visit."

"mmmhmm."

"I mentioned Kate and he brought up that he knew what it was like knowing someone who was sick. And he told me. About your mom. And her…you know. When you were in college."

"yeah the," dad looked down, "sleeping pills."

"right. What haven't you told us?"


	64. Fri Nov 1st: Hannah: Clubbing

**Hannah**

It was hours later. Eric and I were settled on the sofa on the back porch of his couch, after smoking. I'd gotten so content that I'd settled back into him; he was really comfortable. The sun had set by now, leaving the night dark.

"You're really comfortable," I told Eric.

"Thank you, so I've heard. So..."

"Hm?"

"You draw a lot of Greece."

"Yeah, I love Greece. I'd love to go there some day. Just...observe the country, learn about mythology. I'd love to have an owl and name her Athena, or Diana. I've had dreams about it, even."

"Wow. It fits you."

"Really?"

"Yeah. You seem very...Greek."

I laughed; "meaning?"

"Well. Ever seen My Life In Ruins?" Eric asked.

"I have that DVD!"

"Not surprisingly."

"I also have My Big Fat Greek Wedding...and The Sisterhood."

"Of the Pants?"

Again, I laughed; "yes, of the Pants. As though it belongs to the pants."

"Mm. But, it's been said that the Greeks love partying. You seem like a girl that likes to party, or dance at the very least," Eric observed.

"I do."

"Ever been clubbing?"

"Um, no."

"Would you like to go?"

"Tonight?"

"Yeah. Unless...you have plans."

"No, no. Just let me go ask my dad."

"Ok."

I got up, went through the back door of Eric's place, out the front and crossed the lawn into mine. From the kitchen I smelled pasta.

"Hey Dad!" I called.

"Kitchen!" he called back.

I went into the kitchen, where Dad, Jennifer and Mark were. Mark and Dad were sitting at the table, Jennifer standing at the stove stirring a big pot of pasta. Mark was drawing.

"Yeah hun?" Dad asked when he saw me.

"Um, I'm going out with Eric tonight."

"Ok, but do you have time to you stay for dinner?"

"Yeah, just let me tell him. I'll ask if he wants to come."

"Ok."

I walked over to the table and peered over Mark's shoulder. I recognized the tall, white buildings of Greece I often drew, and the vast ocean-blue sky.

"Wow," I whispered.

Mark looked up at me; "yes?"

"That's...that's Greece."

"Yes, yes it is. My grandfather's Greek, and I've always wanted to go."

"So have I."

"Maybe some day we can."

I turned and went back to Eric's.

* * *

After dinner Evan drove Eric and I downtown, with directions given by Evan. By the time we arrived at the club it was already dark. The night was cold. I'd brought my ID, phone, sewing scissors and keys with me in my small black purse. Eric looked nice in all black. Evan and I were sitting in front and Eric was sitting in the back of Eric's car.

"So, Eric," Evan said, looking in the rearview mirror.

"Yeah?"

"How do you know my sister?"

"We're in the same art class."

"Oh."

"How do you know Rebecca?"

"I picked her up downtown one day. Like, I literally picked her up."

"In the district?"

"Yeah, how'd you know?"

"I've seen her down there myself."

"Oh."

"She knows Marie, right?"

Evan nodded; "yeah."

Evan parked across the street.

"Do you guys need me to pick you up?" he asked, as we unbuckled, opened the doors and got out.

"No we'll take...my car, actually," Eric replied.

"Oh ok."

Evan got out and gave the keys to Eric.

"Thanks."

"Yeah."

"You got a way to get back?" I asked.

Evan nodded; "yeah."

"Ok."

Evan started to walk away. Eric reached into the car and got a long black coat out. He handed it to me.

"Here, it's a bit cold," he said.

"Thanks," I said putting it on.

It was big, roomy, reached to the ground and smelled like him.

"Hey Hannah," Evan called while I was buttoning the coat.

"Yeah?"

"Be careful."

"I will."

"Ok."

"Don't worry I won't let anything happen to her," Eric called.

Evan walked off.

* * *

It was the night Eric and I went clubbing.

We'd arrived across the street from a parking lot, downtown. It was a Wednesday. It was dark.

"So where exactly is this place?" I asked as Evan pulled up to the curb.

"It's actually right across the street through the, uh, parking lot," Eric replied, indicating with his finger.

"Ok," Evan said, parking.

He let us out and drove away.

We went across the street to the parking lot. The night was cold. I shivered a little my shoulders going up.

"You alrite?" Eric asked looking at me.

I looked at him, down, smiled.

"Yeah [it's] jut a little cold," I replied.

"We'll be there/inside soon."

"Thanks," I added.

Eric smiled: "sure."

We made our way across the parking lot straight in the middle.

"Um," I began, looking around.

"Yes?" Eric asked.

"Shouldn't we be, um. On the perimeter? Of the…"

"Parking lot?"

"Yeah."

"We won't get hit Hannah."

"How do you know?"

"Well for one do you _see_ any cars driving around?"

"it's not the cars it's the people inside the cars who are driving."

"That's beyond the point."

Upon looking around I noticed the only cars I saw were already parked.

"And for another," he began, "it's not like the people _want_ to hit the other people."

"Pedestrians. And only 10% do it intentionally."

"Yeah them too."

I laughed.

He moved closer to me taking my hand in his.

"Wow you are cold," he said.

I smiled, my shoulders moving up. His hand was warm.

"What's it like?" I asked.

"Oh the club?"

"Yeah."

"it's great you'll like it, everyone there is really nice," he answered: "my brother and his girlfriend are coming. Our sister'll be there too."

"oh who's his girlfriend?"

"Brianna."

He pronounced it 'bree-on-na', as did everyone who knew her.

I looked at him, surprised: "you're…you're kidding."

"No why?"

"I actually know her. And her sister belle."

"And Georgia and Giselle?"

"Yes."

"Wow."

"Their parents went to school with my mom. Karen that is."

He nodded: "right."

He looped my arm around hi as we neared the stairs.

"Oh are you escorting me in?" I asked.

He laughed.

"Escorting," he muttered.

I waited.

"That makes me sound like a male prostitute."

I laughed: "omygod! Shut up."

"Make me."

I looked at him: "are….are you…."

A slow smile spread across my face: "you're flirting with me. Aren't you," I realised.

"Um yeah. I was."

I neared closer to him.

"You'd like that. Wouldn't you," I said lowly into his neck.

"You," he swallowed, "you know it."

"Am I making you, uncomfortable," I whispered already knowing the answer.

I smiled, looked down. With my free hand I moved my hand over my left shoulder.

"Hey I thought Ashley was the only flirt in the family."

"Well clearly she's not."

We'd reached the tall door set in the brick building. 2 guy dressed in black framed either side of it.

"ID please miss," he asked me.

I flashed him my ID as well as a smile.

He waved us past him.

"I know one way to shut you up. It's a damn surefire way too," I muttered.

"Oh there's time for that yet love. You want anything to drink?"

"Like a real drink or…."

"Either."

"Maybe later."

"Ok well I'm going to get something."

He unlooped his arm and left, going somewhere I didn't know.

I looked around the dimly lit club spotting a curved leather seat against one of the brick walls. I carefully sat down on it still in my coat. The club was somewhat empty.

When we got in the club eric took my purse and coat and put them on one of the round leather sofas along the brick wall. The club was nearly empty. Despite that I went to an empty space. Eric came up to me.

"hey want a drink?" he asked.

"um ok."

This was really the first time id danced outside of school dances. I moved to the music. I wasn't sure how I looked and didn't really dance for anyone. The club was dark.

"hey lookin great out there," a female voice called.

This surprised me. Both the calling and the compliment.

I turned and saw a brunette deressed entirely in black sitting next to a blonde in white. They were both in leather. The brunnete had dark eyes and the blonde both had short hair the brunettes straight the blondes feathery.

They stood the brunette telling the blonde something then leaving.

The blonde came up to me.

"hey this your first time?" she asked.

"um. Yeah," I told her.

"well youre great."

"really? Thanks. This is actually my first time dancing outside of like, school dances."

"yeah man. Anyway im cherie I frequent the club. And the brunette who just left is joan. She went outside for a smoke."

"oh. Im Hannah."

"nice to meet you."thanks. You too. So whos the guy you came w/?"

"oh hes just…were not. Were not really officially together."

"oh."

"yeah were neighbors in the same art class."

"oh."

"that's eric."

"right."

As we talked I noticed what a striking woman she was.

* * *

**Tuesday**

After Eric and I got back from clubbing we collapsed onto his outdoor couch. It was around 3 a.m. the next morning. The morning was dark quiet and cold.

"brrr," I said.

"hey ill be right back," he told me standing.

"uh ok."

"In the meantime here," he tossed a bag of brown powder onto the clear glass table.

"what's this?" I asked looking at it and then up at him.

"nutmeg. Knock yourself out."

He went in the house.

I smiled thinking this was a more apt term for Mandy who sometimes passed out.

I wondered what happened to the pot wed smoked earlier.

I didn't want to start taking hits without Eric but he'd told me to knock myself out so I guess I was welcome to the brown stuff.

I leaned forward and opened the bag. Right away I knew what it was. The smell was strong potent. It was nutmeg. We had some in our house too.

"hey man," I heard a guy inside say to Eric.

"hey you just wake up?" Eric asked.

"yeah."

"k. I'm gonna get the stuff she's already out there."

"ok."

The front door behind me opened. I tensed getting the small pocket knife Evan had given me out of one of my boots and put it in my hand concealed.

I wondered what 'the stuff' was.

The door closed and someone stepped onto the porch.

"hey," he said.

I turned towards his voice.

"I'm Leo," he introduced.

"um hi. Hannah."

"eric'll be out in a minute."

"Oh. Ok."

"hey man you seen the mix?" Eric called from inside.

"should be on top of the player."

"yeah and idinno where that is cuz it's dark."

"ok ill come look."

Leo went back inside.

The porch light flicked itself on.

"gavin comin?" Eric asked.

"yeah."

I wondered who gavin was.

* * *

I heard footsteps cross the lawn and come up onto the porch. The guy who came onto the porch looked like the hot guy from country strong the one w/ the blue eyes.

"hey, gavin," he introduced sitting.

"hey Hannah," I said.

He seemed approachable.

"whatsup"

"nothing much. I'm waitin for the stuff whatever that is."

"oh don't worry. It's just the ludes and stuff."

"ludes?"

"oh Quaaludes."

"um…right and they are…..?"

"drugs. Were they were drugs back in the '70's."

"oh ok."

"you seem nervous," he remarked.

I was slightly comfortable w/ this remark.

"sorry I just. I'm good at reading people my aunts the same."

"it's ok so's my sister. She got it from her mom. And yeah I was nervous about the stuff before you told me what it was. I thought it was some weird. Sexual thing."

"oh. No don't worry."

"and about leo."

"oh he's cool that's just how he comes across."

"ok. I was taken aback but not at all. Put out."

"you ever done this before?" he asked looking at the nutmeg.

"no but I have done pot so."

"yeah its pretty much the same."

He leaned forward; "mind if I take a few hits?"

"no go right ahead."

"ok."

* * *

**2 a.m.**

It was 2 in the morning when eric woke me.

"hey," he said tapping me on the shoulder.

"hm?" I asked still half asleep.

"wanna lude?"

"now?"

"no 3 weeks from fukin Tuesday. Yes _now_."

"uh….where?"

"my place."

"uh oh ok."


	65. Mon Nov 25th: Ashley

Ashley

It was mon. nov. 25 2 days untill thanksgiving not counting the actual day itself or today. Halloween had been almost a month ago. We had the week off from school. I was in the kitchen baking pies w/ jesse. Well he was baking I was reading the directions.

On thurs. wed get together w/ his family and friends and some of karens. Id also be having thanksgiving w/ my glee friends and their families. The 'dinners' would all start at lunch. The glee thanksgiving dinner all the club members and their families would all get together instead of going to each person's house separately. We thought that was better. The family dinner was 1st and then the glee club dinner was actually at dinner.

As I was reading the directions I thought about my own family and how I wished my mom was here. And my grandmother lavender who lived in England. She was lovely which is interesting since her son was my dad.

"hey da - er I mean jes - er. Hey," I said to jesse.

I still had a hard time calling him 'dad'.

"yes?" he asked from the counter.

"there's something you should know. Well 2 things actually.

"ok."

He paused and looked at me.

"you know how I always put something down when I put something on the counter?"

"yeah I wondered why that was."

"yeah its bc if I don't the sound reminds me of my dad. And I don't like that."

"so it's a trigger of sorts."

"yeah."

"I know about those. Your mo - I mean karen had those."

I knew he was about to say 'your mom'.

"yeah youre the 3rd person who knows. I recently told serena. Who you've not yet met. I know her from school her mom works at the hospital."

"well thank you for telling me. Shes welcome for thanksgiving."

"ok. that's the next thing. And I want lavender to come."

"whos lavender?"

"my grandmother. In England. Shes lovely and we don't get to see each other a lot. Youd really like her. And this way she can meet everyone. I know its last minute but I also know she really wants to come same w/ my new york friends. Oh and Annabelle. Well actually she wont have to fly here so."

"ok ill see what I can do. Are we inviting the rest of her family?"

""no."

"oh."

"yeah and I mean the holidays are about family which I and everyone else except for kate, the twins, even and anna don't have much of, so."

"no I get it."

"ok."

Annabelle was my lovely cousin.


	66. Chapter 44

I knew being a food holiday thanksgiving would be hard on mandy so I went up to talk to her.

"hey honey what are your plans for thanksgiving?" I asked her.

"well being here," she replied.

"no I mean food wise."

"oh," she said getting it.

"I don't want to tell you what to do but. Um well to be perfectly honest…." I looked at her indicating shed gotten smaller.

"no ill want some but I wont eat much around them."

"ok so. Would it be ok w/ you if you, Annabelle and I all went out later that night? I know you'll really like her shes lovely. Or just you and I? or you and evan I know you guys are close."

"yeah im ok w/ that."

"ok. Sorry I just."

"no I get it."

"ok."

I left.


	67. Chapter 46

At that moment the doorbell rang.

"Ashley I think its for you!" jesse called.

Right as I got a text from Annabelle that said 'at your door'.

So it was in fact for me.

"ok coming!"

I went downstairs and unlocked and opened the door.

My lovely beautiful cousin Annabelle was standing outside holding 2 canvas bags over her shoulders.

"hi love come in its so good to see you!" I said smiling.

And it really was.

"thank you you too. And I will. I come bearing gifts," she said.

"yes I can see that," I said looking at the bags, "you mean aside from you?"

"oh youre so charming."

"like you should talk."

"actually I should. Sometimes what I have to say is interesting," she said.

She was funny too.

"I like your house," she told me coming in.

"thank you. Yeah its probably better than your mom's," I said.

"yeah and….the city."

She knew my past.

I took the bags from her and looked inside.

"you brought us wine?" I asked surprised.

"yeah my sister made me bring something since I don't cook much," she replied.

"oh. Well thank you. you've never been in here have you?"

"no not since you moved."

"oh well welcome."

"thank you."

We went into the kitchen.

"jesse this is my cousin Annabelle," I introduced.

He again paused.

"hi jesse," he told her: "ive heard a lot about you."

"all good things I hope," she said.

"yeah Ashley has nothing but good things to say about you."

"well. Nice to meet you. I like your house."

"thank you. You too."

"um where do you want the wine?" my cousin asked.

"oh tables good," jesse answered.

"I brought these thingys," Annabelle informed me pulling out 4 gripper pads which she set on the kitchen table before setting the wind down.

"oh good thank you."

She knew about this issue of mine. And she had sensory issues herself, so.

"serena should be here any minute. W/ steph," jesse told me.

"serenas my friend. From school. Stephs her mom and a nurse at the hospital kates at."

"oh."

The wine was merloot.

"wow merlot."

"yeah it's a great winter wine. Or. So ive heard."

I knew that since she was new she didn't want to admit to her drinking problems.

"yeah," was all I said.

"ok. So who else is there to meet?"

"well theres my sister mandy whos here right now. Im not sure where Louisa, Hannah, marie, rose and lily are…..evans probably at his place. And karens probably at work kate hospital and anna is. Somewhere," I said.

"oh. Ok. I want to meet everyone."

She loved meeting new people.

"ok."

"anna and karen should be back soon. Maries at work the others are out. Ill tell even too come here," jesse said.

"ok."

Annabelle and I went upstairs.


	68. Thurs Nov 28th: Ashley: Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving

It was thanksgiving day and Annabelle, Serena, steph, lavander, myself, my siblings, alexas boyfriend tom, my friends Miranda, Reenah and Scarlette from the city and some of Jesse and Karen's family were all crowded around the big table in the living room. There wasn't enough room in the kitchen for all of us.

"this is the first time I've been to your house and I have to say I really like it, Ashley's apt. in the city was tiny. Actually this is the 1st time I've been to Denver and other than the airport I've not gone anywhere else. But so far so good," my grandmother lavander said.

"oh well thank you," Jesse said.

"yeah I like their house too. Where did you say you were from again miss….Jenkins?" Annabelle asked being polite.

"call me lavender dear. Everyone else does."

"oh."

"and I'm from England."

"really well then we're neighbors I'm from Ireland," my best friend lily said.

"well then you should come and visit me sometime. I'd like that."

"oh well but I live in the city."

"oh. Well next time you're there."

"right of course."

"yeah everyone who moves here likes it," this was surprising coming from Karen who wasn't much for saying nice things: "I'm from ct myself as are Maureen, Stacy, David, Emily, grace and Sam."

"that's right," Maureen my moms sisters friend Stacy's mom said.

She was about saras age and my grandmothers.

"my side of the familys from rhode island though I've gone to school in ca and the city," Jesse said.

"oh yes I've spent some time in the city myself. Its quite a place," lavander said.

"yes yes it is."

"we're all from there save for lily," Miranda said.

"right."

"and I'm from Boston," alexa said.

"so am I," mark said.

"I'm also from England," rose said.

"well if you ever want to come back you're welcome to. I could always use company. Actually that's one reason I'm thinking of moving here. But I'd miss my English garden. Seems like your yard is big enough to have a garden though. Er not that I'd move in here your house is crowded enough already but maybe somewhere right down the street," my grandmother said.

"yes Denver's a nice place," Sara said.

She turned to Jesse: "you know if you need help w/ Kate I'll move in."

"yeah maybe. Since Ashley's going to college next yr. well she's moving out anyway. They all do when they're 18. Or Evan's room although then he wouldn't have a room to come back to. Um. We might have to build a new addition which would obviously cost money um….yeah I'll get back to you both on that."

"ok."

"which actually might not be a problem," Annabelle said.

Jesse looked at her: "um. What?"

"we'll talk later."

"oh. Ok."

"she could move into my place. Well not my place my building," Evan said.

"yeah maybe," Jesse said.

"yeah well show you around. I want you to meet my friends. Well. My other friends," I told my grandmother.

"right."

"Marie who isn't here atm is from Paris," Hannah said.

"she makes good crepes," my sister lily said.

"that's what she sometimes makes us for breakfast," Louisa said.

"they sound good," my grandmother said.

"oh they are."

"I went to Paris in high school. And London. Never got to Ireland though. Those weren't school trips or anything. I just. Um. Decided to go. I liked both. Haven't been back since," Karen said.

"oh you'd love it its one of my fave places," Annabelle said.

"yeah you would," my friend lily said.

"that's one reason we have so many potatos. We have a lot of Irish here," Anna said making everyone laugh.

"the people in Paris weren't as rude as I thought they were going to be," Karen said.

"yeah I remember that. I visited you….remember college?" Karen's friend Pam reminded her.

Karen smiled: "yes."

"it was nice."

"yeah it was. Our um explorations."

I wondered what they were referring to. This was the most I've ever heard Karen talk about her past.

"but don't we have those bedrooms in the attic?" Mandy asked.

"yeah but I don't think you should go up there. Not just you. Anyone," I told her clarifying.

"oh."

"there's always my place we have a lot of space," Louisa's friend pansy said.

She was the daughter of Karen's friend Margo.

"I'll have to talk to my mom about it when she comes back though I don't know when that'll be," pansy continued.

"she's a dancer," I explained.

"right," my grandmother said.

"so Ashley," jesses sister Kelly said leaning forward, "I haven't seen you since shortly after you moved in. what's the latest? Other than of course your lovely cousin and grandmother being here."

"well I'm enrolled in school I'm taking ballet I work as a waitress I'm in the glee club at school and cheerleading. I put on concerts w/ my sisters to help Kate. I'm really glad I moved…." I replied.

"wow sounds like you're pretty busy."

"yeah I am."

"another reason we should move in," Sara told Jesse.

"mom I said I'd think about it," he said annoyed.

We were all surprised since he usually didn't annoy easily.

"dad?" Anna asked looking at him.

"sorry. I'm dealing w/ some personal things right now. I'm sorry."

"oh."

"Ashley go ahead."

"I have friends from the glee club. Um so yeah. Pretty busy."

"I want to see you perform sometime," Kelly said.

"ok."

"we're all glad you moved dear," my grandmother said.

At that moment the doorbell rang.

"I'll get it," Karen said getting up.

She went into the living room.

"far as I know we're not expecting anyone," I said.

"Jesse it's for you. Mark come in here too," Karen called from the living room.

"excuse us," mark said getting up.

"of course," Annabelle said.

Jesse and mark went into the living room.

Next to me Scarlette looked sad.

"you alrite?" I asked her.

"yeah it's just. Everything's so warm and nice here," she told me.

"yeah took me awhile too get used to it too."

Her past was as dark as mine.

"you look beautiful Scarlette," Annabelle told her.

And she did. She was in a dark green silk long sleeve button up black pants and black flats.

"thank you," Scarlette said looking down.

"so lily. I don't know much about you. Or Scarlette," Kelly asked of my best friend.


	69. Fri Nov 29th: Lily: super cold day

Lily

The super cold day after thanksgiving drinking

It was the day after thanksgiving Friday dec. 1 and I was at home. Hannah was w/ her friends, Ashley was w/ her grandmother, jesse was w/ his mom and karen, marie, Louisa, mandy, rose and alexa were out. I was surprised they were out since it was super cold out. I was of course drinking.

The doorbell rang. I put the bottle somewhere hidden and popped a mint. I then went downstairs and answered the door. There stood a tall guy about jesses age.

"um. Yes?" I asked wondering why he was here.

"hey you lily?" he asked.

"yeah."

"your mom or dad here?"

"you mean jesse or karen? And no."

"good so I can talk to you privately. About karen. Happy thanksgiving," he said holding up a bag w/ a few bottles of soco in it: "classier than beer."

"uh thanks. And youre a day late. And not to be rude but who are you?"

"im karens brother Charlie."

"oh. Well come in."

Mainly since it was so cold out.

I stepped aside so he could.

"thanks."

He came in and I closed the door behind him.

"so you wanted to talk to me about karen?"

"um yeah. You know much about her past?"

"no she wont talk about it."

"oh. Figures."

"I know she wont talk to you or Andrew. Or kristy. Or her parents."

"yeah youre right. Um. She drink a lot?"

"no not that ive noticed or maybe im just oblivious."

"yeah we all were back then. I figured even though weve never met youd want to know about her past."

"yeah since she wont talk about it. Nice to meet you btw," I said to be polite.

"you too."

"happy holidays. Thanks for the drinks."

"thanks you too."

He left closing the door behind him.

At that moment Annabelle walked in. she looked tired.

"hey you just wake up?" I asked her.

"yeah I love sleep. And dreams dreams are cool," she answered.

"yeah they are cool. You sleep a lot."

"I know more than anyone I know. that's what my ex's roommate pointed out. And well when the weather's like this."

"right got it."

"who was that?" she asked.

"karens brother Charlie w/ info about her past."

"oh."

"um. Lets go to the attic," I said wanting to drink there as id been doing.

"ok."

We made our way to the attic bringing the drinks w/ us.

"you like soco?" I asked on our way up.

"love it."


	70. Fri Nov 29th: Hannah: pot

Hannah

The super cold day after thanksgiving news pot

It was fri. dec. 2 and gavin, eric and I were at erics smoking. We were inside since it was so cold out it was super cold.

"how ya doin?" eric asked me.

"I don't know but I do know," I answered.

"yeah I get that."

I was digesting the news I'd gotten earlier today from jesse, his friend mark and their friend lacy. Apparently I was lacy and marks daughter. Theyd hooked up in college.

"I mean. id always wondered who my parents were. And I always wanted to find out but I. also liked the whole mystery of not knowing. When I didn't know then they could've been anyone."

"yeah it's a lot to take in," gavin said.

"hey the holidays are hard on a lot of people," eric said.

"thanks."

"it explains where your love of Greece comes from. And why you look like your….er. Lacy."

"who you've not yet met."

"well hey if you want we could all go out to dinner later. And we'll get stoned first, so."

"mmm maybe."

"ok."


	71. Sun Dec 22nd: Ashley

Dec. 22 Sunday

It was dec. 22nd a Sunday. And again my family was over for a holiday lunch. Jessee and karen had spent the entire morning cooking.

"so we meet again," jesse said answering the door.

"yes so we do. Good to see you," kelly said.

"come in. you too suzanne. And Annabelle."

I stood hearing my cousins name. and went downstairs into the living room.

"Ashley," she said when she saw me coming in after jesses sisters.

"hi hon good to see you as always," I told her.

"yeah you too. Thank you," she said to kelly.

"oh of course," kelly replied.

"I brought appetizers. My sister made them and we had extra, so. Cheese straws and breadstick. Thingys," Annabelle told me.

I smiled. Her main way of describing items was 'thingys'.

"and. More wine red and white."

"oh good just what we need. Actually thank you," I said.

"yeah and we got sparkling cider too."

"ok well put it all in the living room."

"ok."

They came in and my cousin put the things on the living room table.

"anything I can do to help?" she asked Jesse.

"um yes. You can. Set the table," he told her.

"ok and the things are…."

"china cabinet in that room."

"ok."

"we have to go pick mom up," suuzanne told Jesse: "so we'll be back."

"ok."

I joined Annabelle in the kitchen.

"are you ready for Christmas?" I asked her as she set the table.

"yeah for the most part. I put off wrapping some of the gifts so my dad's not getting airborne or emergen c. but then…." she answered.

She didn't like her dad, so.

"yeah."

"I'm giving everybody the same thing I always give them. And are you?"

I smiled. Annabelle always gave her parents and sister these really good poems she wrote to music.

"and I'm giving my mom a mix of her fave songs, a few holiday ones."

"cool. And yeah yeah I am."

"oh and I have things for your glee friends. Who all seem nice though I've only met them that one time."

I was surprised by this. I didn't expect her to give my glee friends anything though it was fitting since she was so nice.

"oh wow that's nice of you," I told her.

"yeah well."

It's what she did.

"you got anything round here to drink?" she asked.

"um. You're the one who brought the wine," I told her.

"yeah but that's for everyone. Actually never mind I know who I'll ask."

"ok."

"and ya know what else we need? Music. I brought a few mixes."

I smiled. I wasn't surprised.

"so on Christmas we're going to see carol which I really don't want to do but I only am bc it's the holidays. Oh but I get to see john. And then we'll come over here and we'll do something w/ your glee friends," Annabelle informed me.

"ok and after this we're going to see them," I told her.

"ok."

Carol was annabelles dads mom who she didn't like. She was 88 and had been in hospice ffor a year. John was carols 2nd husband who Annabelle liked. He was nice whereas carol wasn't. theyd been married 8 yrs.

"so earlier I went to whole foods and got chai and a cupcake w/ the gift card my mentor gave me. They have really good chai. I don't like star bucks chai. I wonder how chai and soco would taste. Um. So the chais sittin there on the thing for 5 mins when I finally ask the lady if its chai. Since she doesn't call it out as chai. And so I get it and have that and the cupcake. I havent slept I couldn't since I kept seeing 'him', so."

"oh hon," I said.

It'd been a yr. since she was last hurt.

Soco was her fave drink. And chai was her fave beverage.


	72. Mon Jan 20th: Rachel

Rachel

On the morning of mon. jan 20th before school started I saw a list posted by Mr. schues door. I took a closer look. At the top were the usual suspects, puck, Santana and Dianna. Then Brittany and amber followed by Cory, Chris and me. I wondered why I was at the bottom and then looked at the top. 'who's done what. By ranking'. I couldn't believe it. And I wondered why Jesse wasn't on the list.

As I was looking Ashley walked by.

"hey Rachel welcome back," she told me

"thanks," I said looking at her.

It had taken us a couple weeks - jan. 6th to today - after winter break to get back into the groove which is why it wasn't all that surprising that shed welcomed me back now. Over the holidays there'd been a lot of parties and get togethers. And shopping. The usual holiday festivities.

I turned to the side and coughed. I felt more tired than usual.

"honey you're not getting sick are you?" Dianna asked approaching me.

"no I don't think so," I said.

"ok good. I wouldn't want you getting sick…since you just got back and all."

"mmk. Hey why are you higher on the list than I am?"

"the - oh," she looked at the list, "cause I've done more than you."

"oh."


	73. Chapter 70

It was after school and we were all in the choir room. I was sitting between Cory and Dianna. Mr. schue had talked to us about the fact that people in the club weren't working as hard as they could've an observation I'd presented to him during that day.

He looked at Cory: "Cory why haven't you been singing?"

"bc you keep giving all the male leads to Jesse. Frankly it's a little depressing," he answered.

"oh."

I turned to Cory: "you're really good."

He turned to me: "yeah but not as good as he is."

"you're still good."

"Rachel! that's not what I want to hear."

"well I don't always tell people what they want to hear."

As the hour progressed I thought about me and how I was doing. As the day had gone on I'd become more tired. I felt achy.

I looked at Tina: "do you have any Aleve?" I asked.

"no hun sorry."

"oh."

Ashley heard this and looked at me: "what's wrong?"

"I don't feel good."

"oh."

Mr. schue looked at me: "are you ok to sing?"

"yeah," I replied being all womanly in front of everyone.

"ok."

Cory put his hand over mine.

"your hand is warm," he told me.

"yours is freezing," I remarked.

"only bc yours are warm."

Oh.

"oh."

Dianna puts the back of her curled fingers on the back of my neck. They were so cold they burned. I jumped.

"ow!" I said.

"sorry," she whispered.

"Rachel?" Mr. schue asked looking at me.

"yeah I'm good."

"ok. Now lets gets started."

"maybe you should take a break," Dianna told me quietly.

"no I'm ok."

"for now," she said, annoyed.


	74. later

It was later that night and I was at home in my bed. Id gone straight up to my room which my dads found odd. They'd asked if I wanted anything but id told them all I wanted was to be left alone and that I was tired.

"Rachel honey," my dad Aaron called up to me.

"what?" I managed.

"there's someone here to see you."

"I don't want to - " I coughed - "see anyone."

"its Dianna."

Oh.

"oh. Ok," I said reluctantly.

A few minutes later I heard soft footsteps come up the stairs down the hall and into my room. The door opened and then closed and in came Dianna holding a cup and a yellow washcloth.

I turned towards her as she closed the door behind her.

"oh. Hi," I said.

"hi sweetie. This, is for your throat," she held up the cup; "its tea."

As I swallowed I noticed my throat did hurt a bit. I nodded in agreement.

"and this," she held up her other hand, "is to bring your temp down."

Now that I realized it I was glad to have company. The company of a soft pretty woman.

I nodded.

She approached me and set the tea on the nightstand next to my bed. And the washcloth down on the bed.

"here ill help you sit," she said taking me by the arms.

"it hurts," I said as she helped me readjust.

"I know hun. I know."

She got me into a sitting position and picked up the tea.

"here. Drink," she told me.

"ok."

She put the cup into my hands and helped me drink.

"thank you," I said.

"uh huh. Keep drinking. God you're warm."

She took the yellow and put it on my forehead moving it back and forth. It felt good.

"that feels really good," I said.

"I know it does."


	75. Tues Jan 28th

It was a few days later and I was still sick. I was up in my room trying to rest. Stomach down on my bed. A knock came on my door.

"huh?" I said quietly.

"its me," Dianna said.

"oh. Come in," I said waving her in, which hurt.

She did closing the door behind her.

I felt her approach the bed and me.

Her cold hands lifted up the back of my shirt and I felt the soft yellow move across my back.

"ooh," I said in response to how good it felt.

"yeah. I know….hi love how are you doing?"

"still sick. How's everyone?"

"the same."

"and Cory?"

"I haven't seen him. No one has."

"oh."

After wed seen another schools glee club performance we realized wed never measure up that we weren't as good as them. And wouldn't win at regionals. So wed become insecure and depressed.

Dianna set the yellow on the back of my neck and began rubbing my back w/ her hands.

"omygod," I said as her hands dug into me.


	76. Wed Feb 5th

It was a few days later. I still didn't feel good. As usual I was in my room on my bed. To add to everything Jesse the guy id been dating has unexpectedly broken up w/ me. Which didn't help any.

A knock came on my door.

"yeah?" I said.

"its me dear," Dianna said.

"oh," I looked towards the door, "um" - I coughed - "come in."

"ok."

She did closing the door behind her. I noticed she was holding the yellow and a bottle of root beer.

I shook my head as she approached me: "no. I don't want root beer."

"its for you love. Its for your temp," she told me.

Oh.

"oh."

"yeah."

She sat on my bed.

"give me your feet," she said.

I tried to move them out from under the covers but couldn't as I was too achy.

"ow," I said softly.

"here," Dianna said.

She moved down and across me and moved the covers off my feet. She held them.

"omygod."

"huhm?" I asked.

"your feet are burning."

"they are?"

"yeah."

She was surprised as was I. I was also really tired so I didn't fully register what shed said.

She reached behind her and got the bottle.

"spread your legs," she said.

I smiled despite my tired sick haze.

I spread them.

"now bend them."

I did.

"mmk. And put your um. Um…."

I moved my toes.

"yes those. Thank you dear. Feet together," Dianna finished.

I did as she put the bottle in between them. I felt the cold. It was surprising.

"oh. Ohhhh. Oh god," I was strangely turned on.

"yeah I know."

She put the yellow on the back of my neck and brushed my hair back.

"better?" she asked.

"yeah but I wish I was w/ Jesse. No I mean you're pretty and you've been so nice to me lately. I…..its…..just…" I coughed.

"shhh. Shhh. Oh honey. I know," Dianna said.

"whets" - cough - "new?"

"well I moved in w/ amber after my parents kicked me out. Bc Cory broke the news to them that I was pregnant."

"oh."

"yeah I know. And he kicked me out."

"oh."

"yeah kinda sucks."

I nodded: "mmmhmm."

"darling," Dianna said moving my head onto her chest.

I smiled sleepily at the endearment.

"hm?"

"maybe….you….could try to talk less."

I immediately tensed: "why? Am I annoying you?"

"no. no no no," she said quickly: "no hear me out."

She put her hands up in defense.

I nodded: "mmk."

"you rehearse all the damn time."

"well no one else is going to carry all the female vocals. Least," I looked down, "not the same way I do."

"I know and you're amazing. don't get me wrong. I just. Wonder how good it is for you. If you're sick and you keep rehearsing late into the night and early in the morning you'll. Just. Only get sicker. And I don't want that to happen sugar."

I smiled at the endearment: "what are you southern?"

"no. not really."

"oh."


	77. Thurs Feb 6th: Ashley: pot for kate

Ashley

It was after glee club. Puck and I were sitting in his car talking. It was 6 that night and would be dark in an hr.

"hey I was thinking about something," he said turning to me.

"yeah?" I asked doing the same.

"I think that…..pot would be good for Kate. And Mandy."

I nearly choked on my chai.

"po…pot?" I asked taken aback.

"yeah you know. Weed…..ganja."

"no I know what it is I'm not a moron honey."

"sorry but you sounded confused."

"I'm , surprised."

"I think Anna could use some too. Your brother does it right? And Hannah?"

" far as I know. But the thing is…Anna, Kate and Mandy are only 10, 13 and 14."

"are you saying they're too young for pot?"

"well, yes in fact."

"do you know what mmj is? And how much it helps people? Its good for everything. There've been studies that prove that. I could even print them out if you want. And I have some if you want to try. I mean you…..started falling apart during the winter. Believe me anyone who can use it should. You trust me right? And know I wouldn't lead you astray?"

"yeah," I replied after puck was done.

"ok so?"

"no I'm just. Not sure how they'll feel about it."

"oh. Lets talk to your dad about it."

"ok when we get back."

"sure."

"you want edibles or the regular shit? Although it's not really regular it's kush."

"er…..kush?"

"you have a lot to learn about this world."

"regular."

"mmk."

He pulled out this small, beautiful dark orange pipe stuck it in his mouth and lit it w/ a bic.

"oh yeah," he said after he inhaled.

He handed me the pipe.

"what do I do?" I asked, taking it and looking at him.

"stick it in your mouth."

"yeah I gathered that much."

"ok now thumb over the hole. Alrite now as soon as I light it, suck. Keep your mouth over the hole make it small. Keep sucking uh…take your finger off when you're done."

"ok."

"you ready?" he asked.

I nodded, the pipe in my mouth.

"oh. And you will end up hacking like mad."

I looked at him, eyes wide, ready.

I watched him light it and sucked. When I didn't feel I could hold it in any longer I held up a finger.

"ok good. Now take your thumb off it."

I did.

"here I'll take it. Good job. Once you're ready um. You can hold it for longer."

I nodded feeling like I was going to cough. I leaned forward and hacked.

I breathed in thinking I was done. That was my first mistake. And I hacked some more…and some more.

I kept waiting for it go away but it didn't.

"it's ok happens to everyone. Here, drink," he handed me the chai.

I took a sip breathed in and. Stopped hacking. I took another drink.

"thanks," I said quietly.

"sure."

"my god."

"yeah I know it….. it gets ya. You're good for the next hr or so."

"ok."

And then started to feel it.

"oh yeah…" I said breathing in through my nose.


	78. Chapter 75

It was between 10 and 11 that night. We'd just entered my house.

"hey dad we want - oh. There you are," I said seeing him in the living room on the sofa.

Which I found slightly amusing and smiled at the thought.

"wow you're blind. You couldn't even find your own dad. Wow," puck joked.

"yes and awesome. Well if ya can't laugh at yourself….." I said turning to him.

"yes? What can I do for ya Ashley?" dad asked turning to me: "and. Puck."

"we, uh. Want to talk to you," I told him having trouble thinking.

"ok my room's good."

He stood.

We began walking into his room.

"how was rehearsal?" dad asked.

"boring, actually. We waited around for 2 hrs for new members to show which. None did," puck said.

"oh."

We all sat on dad's bed he closed the door.

Puck looked at me: "you want to tell him or should I?"

"you can since you have the stuff and it is yours."

"ok."

We turned to my dad.

"mr. fitz - " puck began.

"jesse," dad reminded corrected him.

"right, sorry."

"it's alrite you're good."

"anyway, jesse."

"hm?"

"so after rehearsal Ashley and I were talking and we were thinking…. Mmj might. Actually not be a bad idea for Anna and Kate."

"you know, I was thinking the same thinking myself. The drs and I've talked extensively about it. We feel the same."

"oh wow ok."

"I'll talk to them about it."

"I could get some if you wanted to try it out. Er I mean if they. Wanted to."

"ok sure."

We left.


	79. Chapter 76

After we were done puck and I went into Hannah's room.

"hey," I said.

"hey," she said to me.

"hey," puck said to her.

"hey," she returned.

"you guys have met right?" I asked.

"briefly," Hannah said smiling: "hey I'm Hannah."

"hey puck. I think we go to the same school," he said.

"oh, right."

"wanna light up?" I asked getting straight to the point as usual.

"I…you….what?" Hannah asked looking at me surprised: "you do pot?"

"I do now thanks to this guy," I indicated puck.

"uh. Wow since when?"

"today. Earlier," I replied proudly.

"sure ok. Let me text my man," she said smiling and taking out her phone.

"her man," I muttered to puck."

"I know so cute."

"alrite he'll be here in a few," Hannah replied excitedly: "ooh hey I wonder if Evan wants to join us. And er um who's stuff are we…..?"

"I got some it's alrite we'll use mine."

"oh wow ok cool thanks."

"sure."

"and where…."

"my car though it'll be a bit crowded."

"ooh sounds cozy."


	80. Fri Feb 28th

Winter break had ended jan. 6th which was a Monday. Since then though Rachel had missed a month and a half of school since shed been sick a lot which apparently was unusual for her. They'd both made it to the valentines day dance which had been feb. 7th.

It was the morning of Friday feb 28th and we were all at school in the crowded hallway. We looked towards the doors at the end of it. And in came dianna dressed in a very short black dress w/ Rachel following in black pants and a black shirt.

"omygod," amber said.

"whoa," chris said.

"finally. Easier access," puck said.

"it doesn't mean she is," I told him.

"she looks cute," Brittany said.

I felt weird staring a dianna but couldn't look away.

"this is new," santanna said.

I wondered why.

Rachel approached us happily.

"hi," she said.

"so your girlfriends a hooker now?" santanna asked.

"no she just decided to change her look."

"well yeah we can see that."


	81. Mon March 3rd

It was the morning of Monday march 3rd. We were all gathered in the hallway. Dianna was quieter than usual. Her hair was over her face on which was concealer. But through the concealer I could see the outline of a bruise.

"um. What happened?" I asked wondering if she had cancer suddenly.

"um. I fell," she said.

"yeah into someone's hand," santanna said laughing.

"how…." I said quietly to santanna.

"she's not the only one."

"no she's not."

"are you ok?" chris asked.

"yeah I just fell into…."


End file.
